chapter 18-Matt

We decided on exploring what ever was at the cruise ,we went for the gym, casino,spar and everything else .The vacation was beginning to be fun yet again.Matt and John from the other night decided to join us on exploring the ship.

Matt and I grew closer and closer as we ended up exchanging numbers after the cruise.Matt had always given me more attention during our stay in Mozambique after the cruise .He was very attentive and loved looking at me.sometimes I would think that he looked at me because there was something on me but he would insist that there was nothing.

After I had went back home for a couple of months ,he requested that he come and visit the country.I was to be his tour guide since he wasn't familiar with my country at that time.we had fun exploring the different cultural experiences which even I had not experienced before.

We were soon drawn to each other.one time we were playing and he made me laugh out loud and when I looked at him I felt very much attracted to him.His smile gave me a feeling of ever lasting joy.All I wanted at that moment was to see him in his best mood for the rest of my life.

I blushed as I was astonished by my feelings towards him.How was I to deal with the situation,how was I to express myself to him.Matt was my friend we had never talked or mention such topic.

I looked at him even more when he looked back at me after he had laughed so hard.His eyes were beautiful,his beard was neat and dark.I loved him from his hair to down on his toes.

I was amazed and felt a bit disgusted by the thought of me falling in love which was why I snapped myself out of it .from that time I began distancing myself from him.i was scared of falling in love and I was even more scarred of letting him hurt me.

In my world men were known to be villains.Hungry vultures who hunt for innocent prey,how was I to disappoint every one and finally fall in love.

Matt expressed himself to be even though I was ignoring him.He assured me that he loved me and was there for the right reasons.He kept on begging and begging even though I kept on refusing.

He did romantic gestures for me just so that he could get my attention.I also felt what he felt.i also wanted him so much,I longed for him and his smell on me.i couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt because I was very scared of putting him in to my life.

Until I finally missed him alot after his departure and I wrote him a message telling him how I really felt about him.i did not leave everything out from the sleepless night of constantly thinking about him to mentioning his name everywhere and all the time.

I loved Matt and I couldnt pretend anymore.i was ready for what ever was to come.i was ready to try and see where was it taking us.matt was very happy to hear from me and he soon booked a flight back to me.

We finally reunited and ended up dating.matt and I dated for a while until we decided to relocate to his country which was Germany.we opted for the relocation because we saw alot of opportunities which awaited us in Germany.

I left my job and sisters to go stay in Germany after I had stayed just enough to trust him in my own country.At first it's was scarry for me because I kept on thinking about Steve,that he had taken my virginity,how was I to explain to Matt that I was not a virgin.

Matt was disappointed after I told him about Steve which was why he felt that we would be better in Germany because we would be far away from everyone and everything.i believed him and travelled to his home country.

In Germany things took a complete turn.matt was no longer sweet.he would constantly remind me as to how much he regret marrying me.i claimed that I was a protistute since I was not a virgin when we met.

I was terrified by his behaviour which seemed abusive and aggressive.one night I questioned him about how he treated me but he claimed that it's was because he loved me hence he did not want anyone around me.

What I did not noticed was how he began to be controlling.matt made sure that I never went outside of home.he told me that I would not work .me working and going to shops could have been the start of my protistution.

I had a hard time realising that I was not being loved,I was not being taken care of and I was obviously being abused.he wanted me lock out without any access to the outside world.

I spent most of my days crying and regretting.i had finally betrayed everyone.as much as I still had my phone I couldn't bring myself to notify them about my situation.i guess even Matt knew that I would not manage to do so.he knew that it's devastated and made me weak to lose yet again.i kept it to my self everything I went through.

I was very lonely and scarred.i went from looking beautiful and elegant to looking like a beggar from the street.i was so deep into depression that I ended up being an alcoholic.i drank alcohol when ever I felt sad.sadness was there every day and night.i no longer cared about anything all I wanted was to take away the pain I felt.i wanted to be whole again.