Aoi

Hi, I'm Aoi. I'm 31 years old, and I'm married. I don't have any children yet, but I'd like to have at least one sometime in the future...

Anyway, let me tell you my story.

I was born in a middle-class traditional Japanese household. Went to school in a relatively prestigious academy, and had managed to somehow get into med school.

It had always been my dream to open my own pharmaceutical shop. For some reason, I just really enjoyed working with chemicals and studying how they work and what they do to the human body.

But... things don't always go as you'd like them to...

I wanted to work as an assistant chemist at a lab I applied to. I even got the job after a lot of hurdles... but my family had other plans.

I needed money to buy equipment and get the licence for producing chemicals. If you didn't already know... chemical equipment costs a lot of money.

My father wasn't happy with my choices. He wanted me to marry quickly and he wanted me to, I quote "not be a burden on us.".

I was certainly unhappy, but what could I do? I had no money and so I couldn't get the licence.

I ended up not taking the job at the lab because of that and some other stupid family stress.

"Marriage huh... I guess that's my only option...", I started to think, even though I hated the idea of leeching off someone else for my own gain...

And then... I met this guy... my current husband...

He was... I don't know how to put it. It was as if we were meant for each other. Like a piece of a puzzle falling into place, his image fell into my heart.

We dated for a year before he proposed... I instantly said yes. We didn't have a big marriage, but we were okay with that.

My husband had always been an honourable and honest man... And I was a firm believer in freedom.

But when he told me that he wanted to enlist in the military... I would be lying if I said it didn't break my heart.

But I didn't hold him back... He went away for a few months for training... and then, after that, he was called in to fight in the front lines soon after.

... Something happened when he wasn't here...

I was under so much stress... I constantly had nightmares about him getting killed... I couldn't take it anymore...

And so... a-and so... fuck... I did something I will regret for the rest of my life... I don't know how I haven't just broken down yet... Every time I see my husband's face, my stomach churns and twists...

I want to apologize to him... but I can't... not without hurting him... and I don't want that... He's just returned from war... and even though he doesn't tell me, I know he's not the same as he used to be... I've seen the scars on his legs... the face he makes sometimes in the mirror, looking at himself... I've seen him wake up in the middle of the night from time to time, too...

I don't ask him about any of this... I can't when I'm hiding so much from him as well... But I know that my husband is a strong man... and he'll ask for help if he needs it...

I love my husband... even though I keep all these... horrible things I did, a secret from him... I'm afraid that he'll never look at me the same way again if I tell him... And so... I won't tell him... not ever...

But... there's something that's been bugging me for the last few days... I secretly checked his blood pressure one day, after he fell asleep... I may or may not have added sleeping medicine to his dinner that night...

His blood pressure was... abnormally high... I know for sure he's also hiding things from me... but I can't ask him about it.

I hope... our marriage doesn't fall apart... That's the last thing I want...

Also, today... he spoke... fluent English... He's never spoken English before... and as far as I know, he never even studied it before... But, I swear his accent was perfect... He sounded... American... Hmm, I might just be overthinking it...

Anyhow... today's sex was amazing as well... I don't know how he did it, but he's like... 10 times better now. Some sort of military training? Pfft, what am I thinking?!

I hope he gets the job at the police force... He's always wanted to be something like a hero... But still, I can't help but worry...

That fucking disgusting scumbag... Takeshi Murasawa... Just thinking of that name makes me want to throw up... there's no one in the world I hate more than him... But... I hate to admit it, but he's stronger than my husband and me... physically, financially, and politically... I just hope he doesn't come back... I want him out of my life, as soon as possible...