Chapter 6: "How I Accidentally Became King... and Didn't Notice It, or Why the Throne Is the Worst Stool in the Universe"

### Prologue: The Duck Throne and Its Consequences

When the goddess Anarchy gave me the feather of fate, she didn't warn me about the fine print in the contract. "The winner of the Great Duck receives..." — the ancient tablet in the guild read, — "...the right to the crown of the Northern Lands (conditions: do not read, do not think, do not sleep)." Now I sat on a throne of dragon bones and feathers, feeling the curse of the monarchy eat into my ass.

"Your Majesty," the master of ceremonies' voice sounded like a saw on granite, "today you have an audience with the ambassador of the slugs, a trial of the witch-stool and..."

"Wait," I raised my hand, causing the crown to slide down onto my eyebrow. "The witch-stool?"

"Yes! Accused of witchcraft and damage to the royal trousers.

The system, as always, highlighted on time:

**[Royal quest: "Doomsday for furniture"

Reward:

— Skill "Legal casuistry"

— Ability to execute/pardon (choice will affect reputation)

— Stool-ally (if acquitted)]**

Grognar, my "faithful" advisor, grinned from the gallery:

— Well, Your Majesty? Are you ready to administer justice?

Part 1: Coronation, or How I Lost My Pickaxe and Found a Headache

The ceremony began with a relic called the "Crown of Eternal Itching" being dropped on my head. It was covered in spikes that poked me in the brain whenever I made a bad decision.

"Do you swear to serve the people?" asked the high priest, whose beard was braided with bells.

"Um... Yes?"

The crown twitched, digging a spike into the top of my head.

**[Debuff received: "Royal Migraine" - all decisions require a dice roll.]**

"Now take the scepter!" I was thrust into my hands by an object that looked like a poker twisted with a duck.

**[Scepter "Feather and Fury" (legendary)

Properties:

— +50% to intimidate enemies

— Chance to turn subjects into ducks: 5%

— Special ability: "Quack of Power" (once a day you can cancel any law)]**

The crowd screamed: "Long live the Duck-King!", and I dreamed of quiet mines and simple stones.

Part 2: Day One — Bureaucratic Hell

My "throne room" turned out to be a giant cave with a lava waterfall instead of a chandelier. The advisors, each stranger than the last, lined up:

1. **Count Glutton IV** — a fat man whose three chins trembled with indignation:

— My peasants are rebelling! They demand... — he swallowed, — ...less work and more pies!

**[Quest: "Pie Riot"

Options:

— Suppress the rebellion (risk: -20% popularity)

— Throw a feast (risk: bankruptcy)

— Appoint Glutton the chief taster (risk: obesity of the kingdom)]**

2. **Master of Shadows** — a silhouette man with a face like a dark mirror:

— The Tempect ruins are awakening. The stone golems demand a new king... or a sacrifice.

**[Quest: "Dancing Golems"

Reward:

— Army of Stone Warriors

— Chance of being crushed: 85%]**

3. **Lady Vivian** — an alchemist with green hair and a bottle of something pulsating:

— My latest experiment escaped. He... um... considers himself your heir.

A slimy creature with my crown on top of his head appeared in the doorway.

**[Monster: Pretender Slime (Level 30)

Features:

— Mimicry (looks like a parody of a king)

— Ability "Royal Slime" (paralyzes will)

— Weakness: salt (but that's too much!)]**

Part 3: The Trial of the Stool Witch

"Defendant," I slammed the scepter on the floor, "what do you plead guilty to?"

The stool creaked, and the system translated:

**["I just wanted to be sat on! But they... they put flower pots on me!"]**

The lawyer, an old chair with a face, creaked:

"My client is a victim of furniture racism!"

The prosecutor, a whatnot with a poisonous sheen, objected:

"She was ruining the king's trousers with the energy of envy!"

Grognar, sprawled on the guest throne, suggested:

"Burn her. Or put Glutton on her."

**[Choose an action:

1. Execute (gain the skill "Tyrant")

2. Pardon (the stool will become an ally)

3. Hug (a chance to open "Furniture Magic")]**

I walked up to the stool and hugged its legs.

**[Skill "Dialogue with the interior" (lvl 1)

The stool revealed the secret: "There is a hatch to the Treasury of Curses hidden under the throne."]**

"Pardon!" I announced. "And... uh-uh, declare Furniture Respect Day!"

The people applauded. The crown dug a thorn into my eyebrow.

Part 4: The Secret of the Treasury of Curses

At night, when the advisors had dispersed, I descended into the dungeon. The ally stool jumped after me, lighting the way with its carved patterns.

"And what is here?" I asked, descending the stairs of skulls.

**[Treasury of Curses (Danger Level: ???)

Features:

— Traps activated by stupidity

— Spirits of past kings

— Artifact "Heart of Anarchy"]**

The first hall was guarded by a statue with the face of Grognard. The inscription read: "Answer the riddle, or die."

"What can be broken without even touching it?" the voice thundered.

"Agreement!" I blurted out, remembering my "voluntary" coronation.

The statue crumbled, revealing a path. In the next room hung a mirror, showing my reflection... with duck wings.

"You are a puppet of Anarchy," said the reflection. "Every decision you make weaves chaos into reality."

The stool suddenly spoke:

**["He's right. But who said it was bad?"]**

At the end of the path, I found an artifact - a crystal pulsating with black light.

**[Heart of Anarchy (Divine)

Properties:

- Allows you to change one rule of the world per day

- Gradually turns the wearer into a duck

- Contains the soul of Ronan the Bold (he is unhappy)]**

Part 5: The Burden of Power and Duck Dreams

I greeted the morning with new "gifts":

- **Edict on Flying Pigs** (demanded by peasants who lost at dice).

- **Complaint from a Mountain Troll** about the noise during ore mining.

- **Wedding Proposal** from the Princess of the Slime Swamp ("You are a strong male, I will give you many slimes!").

Grognar, looking at the Wedding Scroll, laughed like a horse:

— Well, Your Slime Majesty? Are you ready for a honeymoon in the swamp?

The system offered a way out:

**[Use the "Heart of Anarchy"!

Options:

— Abolish the kingdom (risk: war with the gods)

— Turn subjects into stones (simplifies governance)

— Increase the number of advisers to 1000 (problems will multiply)]**

At night I dreamed of ducks. Huge, with crowns, they quacked laws:

— **Edict #1:** All cobblestones are declared free!

— **Edict #2:** Hugs are a mandatory tax!

— **Edict #3:** Grognard must become a court jester!

Waking up in a cold sweat, I found feathers on my arm.

Part 6: Furniture Revolt and Escape from Reality

The rebellion began at dawn. Tables, chairs, and even carpets rose up under the slogan: "Down with the tyranny of bipeds!" At the head of it was the Firestarter-Cabinet, who spoke through the drawers:

— **Down with oppression!** Shelves are for books, not vases!

[Quest: "Interior Revolution"

Difficulty: Apocalyptic

Advice: Use the ally stool for negotiations]**

The stool came to the forefront, creaking:

["We are worthy of respect! But burning the throne is too much!"]**

I had to use the "Heart of Anarchy". I shouted out a new rule:

— From now on, all furniture loves its owners!

The rebels froze, then began to hug the courtiers. The Firestarter Wardrobe burst into tears:

- Sorry, we just wanted love...

**[Rebellion suppressed!

Received:

- Skill "Designer's approach"

- Eternal devotion to furniture

- New title: "King-Hugger"]

Epilogue: King? Miner? Or a speck of fluff in Anarchy's wing?

Sitting on the throne, I pondered the path. The Northern Lands are mine now, but the price is feathers under my skin and Ronan's whisper in my head.

"What next?" asked Lyra, appearing with a bottle of mushroom wine.

"Next..." I glanced at the pickaxe gathering dust in the corner, "I will rule. And dig. At the same time."

"And the crown?"

"It's tight. But I think I'll get used to it."

Grognard, trying on a jester's cap (at my "order"), grumbled:

- You are the worst king in history. And the funniest.

**[System: Congratulations! You have completed the "Royal Saga".

Reward:

- Multitasking skill (rule and dig!)

- Fateful choice: Remain king or escape to the mines

- Eternal question: "Who am I?")]**

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**Glossary of Rulership (side notes):**

1. **Rule #1:** Any decree can be cancelled with a loud quack.

2. **Secret of the Throne:** It's an Anarchy trap. But a convenient one.

3. **Ronan's Advice:** "Run before you grow feathers."

4. **Grognar's Truth:** "Kings come and go. But boulders are forever."