Chapter 15: "How I Accidentally Started an Intergalactic War... Just by Sneezing Again"
Some wars are started by politics.
Some by resources.
Some by ancient feuds.
And me?
I accidentally started an intergalactic war… because I sneezed again.
Welcome to my world, where a common cold can destroy civilizations.
---
### (Royal Palace - Morning)
As usual, the morning began with a boulder in the forehead.
BOOM!
- AKKI, GET UP! - my advisor yelled, throwing another "surprise".
I sat up in bed, glaring at him:
- DO YOU KNOW THAT I'M INVISIBLE NOW?! HOW DO YOU HIT ME?!
- INSIGHT.
- ...Genius.
[Magic Rock skill increased to level 99.]
This man is a walking disaster.
---
### (The Apocalypse Starts With a Sneeze)
I walked out into the palace, trying to come to terms with the fact that I was invisible.
And then…
AAAAAAACHOOIIIIII!!!
At that moment:
The ceiling of the palace blew up.
Portals opened in the sky.
And… spaceships appeared.
[Space Sneeze 2.0 ability activated.]
[ NOTE: The consequences may be catastrophic.]
I froze.
- Oh no…
---
### (First Contact with Aliens)
Huge ships began flying out of the portals.
One of them hovered right above the palace.
The hatch opened, and out came… an alien.
A huge head.
A small body.
And a look like an angry mother-in-law.
He screamed:
— "WHO DARE TO ATTACK OUR EMPIRE?!"
I wanted to say it was an accident, but… I was invisible.
So they turned to the advisor.
— "IS IT YOU?!"
The advisor froze.
— "Um… NO!"
[New quest: "Prevent war from starting."]
[Advice: good luck, you'll need it.]
Thanks, system. Very encouraging.
(A brilliant plan... or not?)
I decided to intervene.
- HEY! IT WAS ME!
The aliens turned around, not understanding where the voice was coming from.
- "WHERE ARE YOU?!"
- I'm invisible... long story.
They looked at each other.
- "HE'S A GOD!"
- Wait... what?
- "HE'S TRANSPARENT! THIS CREATURE IS BEYOND OUR UNDERSTANDING!"
Well, here we go again, a cult. Only this time it's an alien one.
---
### (Declaration of war - accidental)
One of the ships accidentally fired, destroying the fountain in the palace.
The advisor (tired of life) shouted:
- "HEY! IT WAS MY FAVORITE FOUNTAIN!"
The aliens took this as a declaration of war.
— "YOU'VE INSULTED US! WAR!"
[Congratulations! You accidentally started an intergalactic war.]
[New title: "Instigator of Conflicts... by accident."]
[Effect: +100% chance to start a fight even by accident.]
— SERIOUSLY?!
---
### (Plan to Save the Universe)
Something had to be done.
I decided to use "Space Sneeze 2.0" one more time to... well, fix everything.
I concentrated.
— A-A-A-ACHOOIIIIII!!!
A flash of light.
The ships disappeared.
The portals closed.
Everything went... quiet.
The advisor looked at me.
— "You... saved the universe again."
— Yeah... by accident.
— "I'm definitely quitting." - No, don't quit!
- "WHY?!"
- Because without you I'll cause an even bigger disaster.
[The skill "Persuasive Arguments" has been increased to level 5.]
(Epilogue of the day)
In the evening, I was sitting on the throne (which, by the way, was still invisible to me).
Zalira came up to me.
- "Did you save the world again?"
- Yes... sneezing.
- "You are the strangest husband in the history of the universe."
- Thank you... I guess.
---
### (End of the chapter)
I wanted a simple life of a miner.
Now I am a king, a revolutionary, a dragon's husband, a god, the savior of the universe, invisible and... a war criminal in another galaxy.
All because of a sneeze.
Maybe I should buy some handkerchiefs.
---
### (Addition: Reflections on Life and Coincidence)
Sitting on the throne, I began to reflect on how it all began. All because of one sneeze. One innocent sneeze, and here I am already embroiled in an intergalactic war. How is this even possible?
"Maybe it's karma?" I asked myself out loud.
"Karma?" Zalira asked, settling down next to me.
"You know, when you do something bad and it comes back to you."
"You think sneezing is bad?"
"Well, if it starts a war, then yes."
She laughed.
"You think too much. Just accept it as part of your life."
"Easy to say when you don't start wars by sneezing."
---
### (The Advisor and His Plans)
The Advisor, as always, was busy with his own plans.
"We need to strengthen our defenses," he said, looking at the map of the galaxy.
"Why? The war is over."
"Over? Are you serious? You think they'll just forget you attacked them?"
"I told you it was an accident!" — And they believed you?
I thought. Would they really believe me? Or were they just waiting for the right moment to strike back?
---
### (New Threats)
A few days later, portals appeared in the sky again.
— Oh no, — I whispered.
— What now? — the advisor asked.
— They must have returned.
But this time, it wasn't ships that came out of the portals, but… ambassadors.
— We came in peace, — one of them said.
— In peace? — I was surprised.
— Yes. We realized that you are a divine being, and we want to make an alliance with you.
I looked at the advisor.
— What should I do?
— Take their offer, — he whispered.
— But I'm not a god!
— They think so. Use it.
(Formation of an Alliance)
So, I became an ally of an alien empire. Now I have new allies, new resources and... new problems.
"You must visit our planet," the ambassador said.
"Visit your planet?"
"Yes. Our people want to see their new god."
I sighed.
"Okay, I'll come."
---
### (Epilogue)
Now I'm not only a king, a revolutionary, a dragon's husband, a god, a savior of the universe, an invisible man and a war criminal, but also an ambassador of peace.
"How do you cope with all this?" Zalira asked.
"I can't cope," I replied. "I just go with the flow."
And maybe that's the only way to survive in this crazy world.
---
### (End of Chapter)
I wanted a simple life as a miner.
Now I am a king, a revolutionary, a dragon's husband, a god, the savior of the universe, an invisible man, a war criminal, and an ambassador of peace.
All because of a sneeze.
Maybe I should buy some tissues.
---
### (Addition: Reflections on the Future)
Sitting on the throne, I began to reflect on the future. What awaits me next? New wars? New alliances? Or maybe new sneezes that will lead to even greater catastrophes?
"You think too much," Zalira said.
"Maybe. But how can you not think when the fate of the universe depends on your sneeze?
" Just relax. Everything will be fine.
I smiled.
" Thank you. You always know what to say.
And maybe that's what helps me cope with all this madness.
(The End)
Now I know that even the smallest sneeze can change everything. And maybe it's my destiny to be the one who accidentally changes the world.
But damn, I'm still going to buy those handkerchiefs.