I WILL BE UPLOADING THIS STORY ON RoyalRoad.com

Thomas, a football player after achieving his goals in life the spark inside of him had died down so he decided to retire from football and live rest of his life with his beautiful family.

One day, one morning he was out of home with his family on a morning walk and he was walking on morning walk when he sees a ball. 

he ran toward the ball to kick the ball. 
but he missed the ball and fall on the road near the ball, died near the ball. but he couldn't kick the ball. 

"where am I? did I missed the ball?" 

[welcome hero] 

"who is this mother fucker?, where are you talking from"

A writer's new toy

ACTION

ADVENTURE

REINCARNATION

MAGIC

COMEDY

WEAKTOSTRONG

A unique idea, good writing, let's where it goes[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

Good shi. The story is pretty good and the characters are well fleshed out. Nice!

I gave the book 5 stars. Maybe more than it deserves. but I am human and have feelings so yes. my writing is the problem which Im working at

A nostalgic yet tragic start! The story hooks you with Thomas's peaceful retirement, only to flip the tone with an unexpected twist. The emotional buildup makes you feel his faded glory, and the mysterious white room leaves you craving answers. Can't wait to see where this goes!

Theres a lot of problems with this one. The grammar is okay but sometimes goes over the line like adding more verbs like moved, stepped, swooshed, sped, and all that. The formatting is worse too, like its all over the place. Its like someone wrote it with passion but forgot how to make everything make sense. this one has potential yes, but theres a lot of problems. like, the explanations are pretty half assed and lacks cohesion. making a writer be able to control plot? whats with that? just say thats the mcs golden finger and everything will go his way. you even added that the changes in reality is limited, but what kind of limit? can he use it for a thousand times if its just a small change? like, change memories to make the characters fallfor mc? lots of problema 

the comedy was good thiugh, the banter between the writer dude and mc.

Just edit it. fix the grammar. make a proper reflection on what is happening and make it clearer. the thing about the writer about making any changes to the reality, nerf it, like, make him only be able to use it once a week and only in one person. also, why is the baby able to practice his mucles? it doesnt form yet for day old babies. 

even with it just being seven chapters the faults are visible.

overall a mess, mix of passion, impatience, lack of edits, lack of refining on the details, lack of cohesion, the comedy sometimes lands, sometimes the comedy feels forced. Tone down the other comedy you intent since it mostly doesnt work, keep the playful banter between the main character and the writer though, I liked that one. 

final verdict: 2 stars.

good luck and keep writing!