Tangled Hearts in the Heat of the Summer

My grandmother had a severe heart condition and had experienced a few emergencies that required hospitalization; she basically never left the oxygen mask. Before opening the door to the ward, I imagined Feng Suchuan lying in bed with a breathing mask, looking lifeless, and I began to feel nauseous. So, when I knocked and walked in, seeing him sitting on the bed working on a computer, my mind went blank for a few seconds. I sighed in relief before smiling and walking over.

Feng Suchuan was wearing a hospital gown; his complexion was poor—pale and gray—but not alarming. It was as if he had anticipated my arrival, looking at me with a smile as he remarked, "You're skipping work during office hours; that counts as being absent." I pouted and settled onto the stool beside the bed, casting a worried glance at the IV drip. "How did this hospitalization become so serious?" I asked. He closed his laptop and set it aside, propping himself up slightly.

With a soft tone, he explained, "I haven't been feeling well lately, so I came in for a check-up. In the end, they insisted I stay in the hospital, thinking it would be a good time to rest."

I chuckled, ready to respond when a cold snort sounded from behind me. "Not feeling well?! Let me tell you, if I hadn't gone over to look for him this morning, your boss would probably be at the funeral home by now!"

Feng Suchuan helplessly shook his head. I turned around to see the newcomer and greeted him with a smile, "Manager Lu!" The man who entered was Lu Xiangdong, a university classmate of Feng Suchuan and the project manager from a long-term subcontractor we worked with. During the two months that Feng Suchuan and I were together, we often shared meals, making us quite familiar with each other. He approached and set a water bottle on the table next to me. After pouring a cup of hot water and handing it to Feng Suchuan, I turned to Lu Xiangdong. "What's really going on with him?"

Lu Xiangdong shot Feng Suchuan a disapproving look and spoke with concern, "When I went over this morning, I rang the doorbell for ten minutes with no answer and tried calling his phone, but there was no response. I could hear his phone ringing from inside the room. In the end, I had to call security to break in, and I found him passed out on the living room floor, his face blue. The paramedics said if they had been any later, he wouldn't have made it. Feng, I'd say I saved your life, so you should be a bit nicer to me later!"

I felt a wave of fear wash over me and turned to Feng Suchuan in panic. However, he had a smile on his face, gently ruffled my hair with his unbandaged hand, and said, "Don't listen to his nonsense; it was just a brief fainting spell this morning. After I regained consciousness, he took me to the hospital. They just said I've been overworking and need some time to rest."

Lu Xiangdong didn't argue further; he stood up from the sofa and said, "Alright, let's call it my ramblings then."

"There are matters at the construction site; I'll head out first. Xia Tian, are you still planning to work this afternoon?"

As soon as he finished speaking, Feng Suchuan added, "I'm fine; you can go. Also, please take Xia Tian back to the office."

I pursed my lips and replied, "How about I call HR and request a half-day leave to stay with you?"

"No need. I want to take a nap this afternoon; your presence won't help. If anything comes up, I'll call the nurse."

His tone was firm, leaving no room for argument, and I had no choice but to nod in agreement.

On the way back to the office, Lu Xiangdong glanced at me a few times as though he had something to say.

"What are you staring at?" Since we were familiar, I was too lazy to beat around the bush and asked him directly.

He smiled and said, "I can see that you're quite worried about him. When you heard he was hospitalized, you rushed over. Why did you insist on breaking up back then? Were you really ready to let go of your first love?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Why are you so nosy? It's Feng Suchuan who talks too much!"

He looked at me and said, "He's a person too; he needs someone to vent to, doesn't he? Otherwise, do you want him to suffocate? Honestly, his heart condition was probably caused by you. Back in university, I saw him drink glass after glass of Beijing Erguotou without any issue. Xia Tian, I'm not trying to scare you; if I hadn't gone this morning, he could have easily ended up in serious trouble. You're half a murderer!"

His tone was sarcastic and teasing, but I felt a pang of guilt. No matter how it turned out, I was the one who had proposed the breakup back then. Although he never showed it, I knew...

"Summer, I'm not scaring you. If I hadn't gone this morning, he would have kicked the bucket just like that. You'd be considered half a murderer!"

His tone remained frivolous, clearly meant as a joke, but I felt a stab of remorse. After all, I had suggested the breakup.

Although he never showed it, I could sense that he must have been hurting. So, during our subsequent interactions, alongside the gratitude and admiration I initially felt, I also carried a growing sense of regret towards him.

Thus, when Lu Xiangdong made that remark, I truly felt uncomfortable in my heart. I didn't refute him and merely nodded, tacitly accepting this unspoken accusation.

Perhaps caught off guard by my sudden mood shift, Lu Xiangdong quickly apologized, "Hey! I was just joking; don't take it so seriously!"

I smiled faintly, "No, I just worry about him. Heart disease isn't something to take lightly; if it deteriorates, it can strike without warning. It's terrifying!"

The man beside me sighed, "His illness is definitely due to work stress, and you know this better than I do. There are just too many worries—scheming against others and guarding against being schemed against—he's never had a moment of peace. His body has finally protested, so taking this time to rest isn't a bad thing. As for being hospitalized, he definitely won't inform his family. If you have time after work these days, go check on him. You don't need to worry about dinner; I'll have my wife prepare it and deliver it. Just keep him company, alright?"

I nodded vigorously, "Sure, after work, I'll be his free caregiver!"

Lu Xiangdong laughed heartily, "You're really quite loyal sometimes. Why hasn't Lao Feng swept you off your feet yet? If you two get married, I'll definitely give you a big gift!"

I felt a bit awkward and pressed my lips together, remaining silent.

Before leaving work, Wen Xicheng messaged me on MSN to ask if I was going to visit Zifei. After a moment of thought, I replied, [Our boss is hospitalized; I need to check on him over the next few days. Please inform Zifei and the others.]

After a brief pause, he responded, [Is it serious?]

[He has heart disease, which is quite troublesome but not life-threatening.]

[I'm working overtime today. Let's go see him together tomorrow.]

Before I could fully process my thoughts, my fingers typed a quick response: "No need; he needs rest."

Wen Xicheng didn't respond again. After closing the chat window, I felt a hollow ache in my heart, an indescribable discomfort. I couldn't explain why I had said that. It was as if I was choosing to stand by Feng Suchuan without principles, disregarding whether this choice would hurt the man I loved.

Reflecting on the word "love," I forced a bitter smile; it felt like a desecration of such a sacred term!

After work, I went to the hospital after dinner. To my surprise, in addition to Lu Xiangdong in the room, there was a woman present. Based on my somewhat hazy recollection and the worried look she cast at Feng Suchuan, I realized she was his first love, Zhang Lina.

I looked questioningly at Lu Xiangdong, who gave me a confirming nod.

When Feng Suchuan saw me enter, he addressed the person standing by the bed, saying, "Lina, I'm fine, really. Let Xiangdong take you home." His voice was deep and slow, lacking warmth.

Zhang Lina didn't say much. After greeting me, she slowly turned around. As she brushed past me, she glanced up with a complex expression, her eyes red-rimmed, filled with emotions I couldn't decipher.

Once the ward door closed, I walked over to him and noticed he looked drained. I gently asked, "Are you tired? Do you want to rest for a bit?"

Feng Suchuan shook his head. "Have you eaten dinner?"

I nodded, "Yes, what about you?"

President Lu mentioned that his wife prepared dinner for you, so I didn't buy anything."

He gestured to the meal box beside him, "I've already eaten. Was there anything important at the company today?"

I pulled out a few documents and handed them to him, "There are several payments needing your signature. The business department indicated there's a major project next week, and I need to pick up the bid documents tomorrow."

As he signed, he inquired, "Where is it?"

"How substantial?" 

"It's in the development zone, a private hospital from Hong Kong—reportedly over 200 million." 

Feng Suchuan paused slightly, pen in hand, then nodded before returning the signed documents to me. "Sit down; feel free to grab some fruit if you want. I'm going to rest for a bit." 

After helping him lie down, I dimmed the lights. Seeing him gently close his eyes, I softly suggested, "Why don't you get some sleep?" 

He didn't open his eyes but reached out to pat my hand. "I'm not sleepy, just a little tired. You can watch TV for a while; wait for Xiangdong to take you home." 

I wasn't sure if he wanted me to stay with him or if he genuinely just wanted Lu Xiangdong to take me home. Unable to figure it out, I chose not to dwell on it. I simply nodded and sat on the stool, watching TV. 

A few minutes later, he suddenly said, "The person just now was Zhang Lina." 

I was taken aback and turned my head. I hadn't realized how long the man in the hospital bed had been awake, studying my face as if trying to discern something. 

"I guessed that. Are you still in contact? I thought you had stopped speaking—I've never heard you mention her." 

"She quit her last job and came to this city last month." 

I thought for a moment before cautiously asking, "Was it for you?" 

Feng Suchuan shifted his gaze to the window, and after a moment of silence, he nodded. "She said she wants to start over with me." 

"Did you agree?" 

"What do you think?" 

I pressed my lips together, refraining from responding. How could I possibly guess his thoughts! 

Feng Suchuan turned to look at me, chuckling lightly, "In this whole world, there's only you, this idiot, who would believe in the nonsense of 'getting back together'!" 

I slowly lowered my head, thinking to myself that I didn't actually believe it either. 

"Xia Tian." 

"Mm?" 

He called out to me but didn't continue. I looked up and saw him smiling softly, his gaze gentle, as if he was conveying some unspeakable message.

But no matter how hard I tried to decipher it, I still couldn't understand.

The sound of a text message disrupted the somewhat ambiguous atmosphere in the ward. When I took out my phone, Feng Suchuan gently closed his eyes.

The message was from Wen Xicheng, asking, "Have you gone home?"

After a moment's thought, I replied, "I'm home."

After a long pause, he responded, "Early..."

With that, I closed my phone.

Lu Xiangdong returned, and I left the hospital. I didn't have him escort me but took a taxi back to my apartment. When I got out of the taxi, I caught a glimpse of a man standing at the corridor entrance, a pile of cigarette butts at his feet, and I gently bit my lip. He was wearing a black shirt, leaning against the wall, one hand in his pocket, slightly bent at the waist. The moonlight spilled over him, casting an air of loneliness.

It was already early summer; the evening breeze was gentle. Watching his clothes flutter in the wind, I suddenly realized he had lost a lot of weight since returning to the country.

Wen Xicheng saw me, flicked the cigarette butt away, lowered his head, and walked over to me step by step. He stood in front of me, paused for a moment, then stretched out his arms and gently hugged me, resting his chin on my shoulder. A voice tinged with sadness and heartache emerged: "Xia Tian, I can hardly hold on anymore."

I didn't pull away or respond. After a while, I softly said, "If you can't hold on, then give up, Xicheng. Actually, I feel very tired too!"

After the Ministry of Commerce received the bid documents from private hospitals, they established a bidding team. Since Feng Suchuan had been hospitalized, Wen Xicheng took over as team leader. After the meeting, the design department began to refine their plans, while our department focused on the business proposal. After work, I called Feng Suchuan, preparing to visit He Zifei in the hospital.

When I left, everyone in the design department was still working overtime.

Wen Xicheng was proofreading the drawings with the designer, and I didn't want to disturb him.

After having dinner with them in the hospital, Liu Ni Yi pulled me aside to buy cold drinks.

I sensed she had something on her mind. Once we exited the ward, I confessed, "A few days ago, Xicheng asked me if I wanted to start over with him. I turned him down."

She looked shocked. "Why? I thought you two had reconciled. Didn't things seem good a while ago? Are you being stubborn again?"

I bit my lip. "Amy has returned, so all my unrealistic thoughts have vanished."

"You can't honestly think Xicheng likes Amy, right?! Xia Tian, that's ridiculous. I can believe a pig can climb a tree, but Xicheng falling for another woman besides you? That's just nonsense!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why is that nonsense? He's a normal man. Meeting such a gentle, beautiful, and kind girl who loves him deeply and stood by him during his toughest times—of course, he would fall for her!"

Liu Ni Yi shot me a disdainful look. "Check your conscience; do you really think Amy is as you described? Do you genuinely believe Xicheng would fall for her? From what I've seen these past few months, I think Xicheng has been really considerate. It's not like you don't love him—shouldn't that be enough? Must it end up like me and Zifei? Not everyone is so lucky!"

I glared at her. "Can you even compare? Did Zifei abandon you for four years to get engaged to another woman? Did he have a cheesy reunion performance in front of hundreds of people?"

"Did he repeatedly make you feel like a complete fool when you wanted to open your heart? You met Zifei—now that's a blessing from a past life. Meeting Wen Xicheng has only brought me torment in this life!"

Liu Ni Yi was momentarily stunned by my words, unable to find a reason to refute them. Finally, she sighed deeply, "So what do you want him to do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Anyway, seeing Amy with him makes me uncomfortable—very uncomfortable!"

"I'm uncomfortable too, especially seeing her with that annoying demeanor. I just want to slap her. But from Xicheng's perspective, those four years were spent with Amy. In particular, during the two years after his grandfather passed away—we don't know what went on during that time, but he managed to return in good health. We should be grateful for that, right? I believe Amy played a crucial role in his recovery. Now, can you expect him to sever ties with her as if this is some childish act? Besides, think about your feelings for Feng Suchuan; imagine Amy in Feng Suchuan's position—doesn't she seem just as pitiful? She simply loves Xicheng, and his lack of love for her doesn't make him a bad person. If he asked you to cut ties with Feng Suchuan, would you accept that?"

I pressed my lips together and after a moment softly replied, "Amy doesn't have the right to be compared with Feng Suchuan!"

"Of course, you think Feng Suchuan is superior, but from my outsider's perspective, they are the same. I don't feel positively about either of them. As for Feng Suchuan, Xicheng is far more mature and understanding. He recognizes that Feng Suchuan has cared for you a lot over the past four years, so even if he doesn't truly approve, he has never meddled in your relationship. He was engaged to Amy, but weren't you also Feng Suchuan's girlfriend? It seems quite balanced. Stop being so twisted. Life is short; how many four-year spans do you have to waste?"

She said a lot, but I wasn't very moved; I still felt that comparing Amy and Feng Suchuan was unfair.

"Anyway, I don't want to reconcile with him right now."

He enjoys being a gentle older brother, relishing in heroic rescues—let him have his way. I won't interfere!"

Liu Ni Yi slapped my face and gritted her teeth, "Why are you so stubborn? Just showing off, huh? One day, if Xicheng really doesn't want you, I'll see who you cry to!"

"Fine, if he doesn't want me, I won't care!" As I saw her angrily walk ahead, I chased after her, "Hey! Where are you going?"

She turned and shot me a hostile glare. "Stay away from me, you obstinate thing!"

When we returned to the ward, Wen Xicheng was already there, smoking with He Zifei. Under Liu Ni Yi's fierce gaze, the two quickly extinguished their cigarettes. Wen Xicheng looked unwell. Liu Ni Yi glanced at me and softly asked, "You didn't have dinner again, did you? There are some leftover dishes; should I heat them up for you in the microwave?"

Wen Xicheng shook his head and stood up. "Don't bother; I have no appetite."

Noticing Liu Ni Yi continually wink at me while exchanging glances with He Zifei, I softly said, "I'll go eat something with you. Skipping dinner is bad for your stomach."

Liu Ni Yi nodded vigorously. "His appetite has really been poor these days; you should take care of that quickly. He seems to have a bit of a fever, right, Zifei?"

He Yiwei was taken aback. "How did you know? I only found out last night when I came over that he kept sweating."

Liu Ni Yi felt awkward, cleared her throat twice, and rolled her eyes. He Zifei understood and awkwardly touched his nose, looking at me. "I remembered wrong; he actually had a fever last night."

I watched their back-and-forth in silence and waved my hand before following Wen Xicheng out of the ward.

While waiting for the elevator, I turned around and asked, "Does he really have a fever?"

"No."

I nodded and stepped into the elevator first.

Once inside the car, he broke the slightly awkward silence. "Is your manager feeling any better?"

"Still not quite well, easily fatigued."

"That's good."

"The company asked me to visit; when do you think it would be convenient for me to come?"

His question was very businesslike, delivered in a calm tone that made me bite my lip lightly. The remark I made that day still seemed to linger in his mind. Reflecting on Liu Ni Yi's theory, I secretly studied his expression.

It didn't betray any sadness or displeasure, but was his heart as tranquil as his demeanor suggested? 

He seemed, indeed, to be much more mature and forgiving than I was! Or perhaps he simply felt more deeply! I softened my tone a bit and awkwardly explained, "He doesn't have any family here. I just go to help him get his documents signed after work and chat with him a bit."

The frost on Wen Xicheng's face melted slightly, revealing a hint of relief as he replied softly while starting the car. 

He insisted on skipping a meal and dropped me off directly at the entrance of the apartment building. Turning away helplessly, I noticed a thin layer of sweat had appeared at his temples without me realizing it, and it was then that I understood that He Zifei's words were true. 

"Not feeling well?" I asked. 

"It's nothing. Just go up quickly and rest early," he replied. 

I glanced at him and reached out to touch his forehead; it was burning hot. As I opened the car door, I softly said, "Why not come up and sit for a bit?" 

Not long after I entered the hallway, Wen Xicheng followed me in. His hands were in his pockets, and he lowered his head, concealing the emotions on his face. 

Back in the apartment, I immediately turned to the kitchen, first making some porridge, then starting to prepare ginger soup. I knew I shouldn't feel uncomfortable, as I was the one who refused to reconcile, but seeing him unwell made me feel a bit stifled. 

When I came out of the kitchen holding the ginger soup, Wen Xicheng was pulling out a tissue, probably to wipe the sweat. Upon seeing me, he switched to wiping his palms, tossed the tissue into the trash, stood up to take the bowl of soup, and said, "Thank you!"

"It's a bit hot; drink it slowly." 

Wen Xicheng nodded and slowly sipped the ginger soup. I stood beside him, noticing his face grow a shade paler than before, his earlier strength gradually waning.

Once he finished drinking, I turned to the bathroom to wring out a wet towel. As I handed it to him, the fingertips that made contact felt as cold as ever, sending a pang of pain through my heart. 

Wen Xicheng took the towel and gently wiped his forehead, his breathing slightly labored. 

"Ni Zi mentioned you haven't had an appetite lately. What's going on? Is your stomach acting up?" 

Without much thought, he replied, "No." After a pause, he lowered his gaze and added, "No stomach pain, just a bit of a fever." 

"That's good; I made some porridge for you to have a little." 

As I stood up, he unexpectedly rose as well, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. 

I instinctively grasped his arm, still strong and unyielding, unable to pull away. Feeling his hot breath on my neck, I felt quite helpless. "Don't do this!" 

"I take back what I said before." His face was buried in the back of my neck as he spoke softly. 

"What did you say?" 

"Whether you want to be my girlfriend or not, can we just get along like we did in Hainan? I won't ask again; I won't press you anymore. Can we just be like that?" 

I sighed, my hand that was resisting on his arm slowly losing strength. After a moment, I quietly responded, "Xicheng, do you think I still love you?" 

The body pressed against my back clearly stiffened, and he said nothing, just held me tighter. 

I continued, "Ni Zi said I'm too sentimental. Since I love you, I should just reconcile. Feng Suchuan also said that as long as we love each other, we can start over. But I can't clearly answer them whether I love you or not."

"I can feel that spark, but my heart has become narrow, shaking at the slightest disturbance, unable to provide the warmth you need, unable to understand or empathize with you. Is this still love?"

The person behind me fell into a long silence. I slowly lowered my head and gently rubbed my hand over the back of his hand. I knew he couldn't answer this question at all.

I also realized how cruel it was to express these thoughts to him. All this time, the only thing keeping him going was the belief that I still loved him. Now, as I boldly voiced my inner conflict, if he were to discover that this motivation had merely been an illusion from the very beginning, perhaps he could truly let go.

Later, Wen Xicheng left without even touching the porridge, and his response to my question was, "I don't care!" He said it with a trembling voice. Standing on the balcony, I watched him pull out of the hallway and drive away without looking back. My heart felt pierced, and the pain coursed through my entire body. How could he not care? If Feng Suchuan had said that, I would have believed it; only someone with immense inner strength could truly feel that way.

But Wen Xicheng, despite how strong he may have become, ultimately has a fragile heart. He longs for warmth and for someone to love him above all others. Now, I finally understand his earlier question: "If that's the case, why were you so good to me back then?" If I had known we would end up like this…

The next day was Saturday. I slept in and called Feng Suchuan. He said, "Come over, I'm waiting for you." With no other option, I packed my things and headed to the hospital.

When I arrived, he was alone in the ward, still busy working on his computer. I served the red bean porridge I had brought and handed it to him. "Can't you take a break? The doctor said you need to rest for your heart condition. At this rate, when will you be discharged?"

The man in bed slowly relaxed his furrowed brow, obediently closed the computer, and accepted the small porcelain bowl. Leaning against the headboard, he sipped it slowly, sunlight casting a soft warmth across his face.

He seemed to relish this situation; could it be that he thrived on being mistreated? Happy even while in the hospital?

We chatted about work.

He glanced out the window before getting out of bed, saying, "The weather's nice; come walk with me downstairs." His tone made it seem as though I were truly his personal caregiver.

On that sunny afternoon, the warm light enveloped us as I sat side by side with Feng Suchuan on a bench in the garden, feeling indescribably comfortable.

"How long has it been since you've enjoyed such a leisurely afternoon?" I tilted my head and squinted at him.

"Never!" He leaned his head back toward the sun, closed his eyes, and said softly, his tone lazy.

This answer was both expected and somewhat unbelievable. I couldn't help but wonder if there were others like him, who pushed themselves to see their careers as their entire lives.

Seeing his relaxed expression suddenly filled me with courage.

"After missing so much beautiful time, do you ever feel a twinge of regret and loneliness in the quiet of the night?"

Feng Suchuan smirked, as if my question were somewhat childish.

After waiting a long time without a response, I felt a bit dejected and was about to change the topic when I heard his soft voice: "There's no point in regretting; sometimes I feel lonely." He paused and added, "Especially after we parted."

He kept his eyes closed and didn't look at me, but I pursed my lips and slowly lowered my head. This was the first time he had confided his feelings to me, yet I didn't even have the right to comfort him. The man in front of me showed no trace of hostility or arrogance. His pale complexion made him appear somewhat frail.

Accustomed to his domineering demeanor, seeing him so completely relaxed and unguarded—almost revealing a hint of vulnerability—left me somewhat bewildered.

Perhaps sensing my hesitation, he slowly opened his eyes, the warmth within them fading as he gazed at a point not far behind me, leaving only a shallow smile.

Noticing the change in his mood, I was about to turn away when he leaned in to wrap his arms around my shoulders.

After a brief pause, he gently held my chin. With a perplexed expression, I watched as he tilted his head and brought his lips close to my cheek, whispering almost inaudibly, "Zhang Linna is behind you; please do me a favor and don't resist, just for a few seconds!" 

I couldn't see what was happening behind me, only feeling his warm breath near my ear. My hands clenched tightly together, my heart in turmoil. He was tenderly holding me, his lips not touching my face, but I knew from behind, it must have looked like we were kissing passionately. 

Eventually, I felt that this was wrong, and just as I was about to push him away, I noticed the warmth beside my face had vanished; the pressure enveloping me dissipated in an instant. 

After releasing me, Feng Suchuan smiled and ruffled my hair, softly saying, "Thank you!" 

I looked down without saying anything. A moment later, when I turned around, I only saw Zhang Linna's somewhat dazed silhouette, and a sour feeling gripped my heart; it didn't feel good. 

Just as I was about to look away, I caught a glimpse of a familiar slender figure. When I recognized the man standing quietly not far off, my face went pale, my heart sank like a stone into a lake, and an icy chill seized me. 

When did Wen Xicheng arrive? What did he see of that staged kiss? How much did he see?! 

Feng Suchuan noticed something was off with me and asked with concern, "Are you not feeling well? Why does your face look so bad?" 

The man in the distance slowly turned and walked away. 

I turned in confusion, asking, "When did he come over?" 

Feng Suchuan looked into the distance, puzzled. "Who?" 

"Wen Xicheng. He was standing not far from Zhang Linna. Did you see him just now?" I felt my tone shift; my voice trembled. 

Feng Suchuan frowned slightly, glanced into the distance again, and shook his head gently. "No, I didn't see him." 

I looked into his calm, deep eyes, which were sincere. I breathed a sigh of relief. 

Feng Suchuan wouldn't lie to me; perhaps Wen Xicheng had just arrived and missed that scene. Yet his face was filled with pain, and his rigid posture conveyed an indescribable loneliness. Even though I hadn't agreed to reconcile with him, I didn't want to hurt him like this. I felt his heartache deeply.

After accompanying Feng Suchuan back to his ward, I left. I was already upset about him using me to provoke Zhang Linna, and now it seemed I might have hurt Wen Xicheng. My expression was dark as I departed; I didn't even respond to Lu Xiangdong's greeting. While waiting for a taxi by the roadside, I called Wen Xicheng, but the call went unanswered. My mood had plummeted to its lowest point.

I went to He Zifei's ward; he was napping while Liu Niyi was on the internet. Upon seeing my distressed face, she quietly pulled me into the corridor. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Has Xicheng been here?" I replied. "He came for a while this morning. He said he was going to the hospital to see Feng Suchuan. You must not have run into him," she explained.

I pressed my lips tightly together. "What's with that expression? What happened?" I didn't dare to meet her gaze and lowered my head to recount the scene from the afternoon.

Just when I thought she would be furious, she simply stared at me in silence, her gaze reminiscent of that of a stranger. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked. After a moment of contemplation, she said, "Xia Tian, what exactly do you feel for Feng Suchuan?"

"Is this trust and indulgence really just gratitude?" I questioned. "It's more than gratitude; there's also respect, admiration, and remorse," she replied. She fell silent for a few seconds before softly asking, "Are you sure it's not love?"

I was taken aback for a moment and shook my head firmly. "Of course not, I've never loved him!" I insisted. She sighed deeply and touched my hair. "Then who do you love? Xicheng?"

"I used to be confident in your love for him, but now I'm not so sure; perhaps, as you said, that love has long since faded."

Although I had been insisting that I no longer loved Wen Xicheng, hearing that statement from someone else stirred an indescribable discomfort within me. Instinctively, I retorted, "No, when I'm with him, I feel my face flush and my heart race." 

"And what about when you hurt him? Do you enjoy it?" 

I felt wronged, my eyes beginning to redden. "Why would you say that? I feel heartache and sadness." 

Liu Ni Yi patted my head and stood up. "Then I can't understand your love!" 

I grasped her arm and looked up at her. "What do you think I should do?" 

She returned my gaze. "Are you asking me?" 

I nodded gently. 

"Quit your job, leave Feng Suchuan. Set aside that so-called admiration and reverence; see clearly what kind of person he truly is, and recognize your own true feelings!" 

I let go of her arm, and after the door of the ward closed, I began to seriously contemplate her suggestion.

I didn't see Wen Xicheng again over the weekend. He also missed the regular meeting on Monday. Song Ying mentioned he took a half-day sick leave, and despair washed over me. I called, but there was still no answer. 

I feared he might never pay attention to me again. 

My heart felt empty and pained, filled with a sense of helplessness!