Shadows of Loyalty and Love

The bidding period for the private hospital project was pressing, and many design aspects remained incomplete. The design department began to work overtime, night and day.

Wen Xicheng hadn't been to the hospital for two consecutive nights; Song Ying mentioned they needed to work past one in the morning, yet he still hadn't left. He didn't answer the phone when I called twice, and my timid self didn't even dare to send a greeting text. Faced with Liu Ni Yi's and He Zifei's sighs, I could only pretend to be deaf.

As for Feng Suchuan, of course, I hadn't gone to see him either; for the signatures I needed, I had Xiao Cheng run errands. She returned with a lovesick look and said, "The boss looks so cute in his patient gown, all weak and fragile!" The corners of my mouth began to twitch; weak? He's a wolf in sheep's clothing!

As usual, the list was provided to me the afternoon before the bidding. In the past, whenever Wen Xicheng sent an email, he would come find me to discuss it. Sometimes, even when he had nothing to do, he would stay by my side. This time, however, he wrote everything that needed attention in the email, adopting a businesslike tone. I sat there in silence for a while before starting my work.

After finishing everything, it was already past nine. Having not eaten dinner, my stomach felt empty, and so did my heart. I organized the business documents, packed up my computer, and prepared to go to the hospital to find Feng Suchuan.

As I passed the design department, I saw light spilling out. Wen Xicheng's office was still lit, the blinds drawn. I hesitated for a moment but didn't go in, choosing instead to turn and leave.

The elevator doors opened with a chime, and with a faint scent, I saw Amy standing inside, her face showing unmistakable anxiety. Upon seeing me, she quickly switched to a sweet smile. "Just off work?" she asked.

I nodded. "Going to find Xicheng?"

She laughed lightly and lifted the bag in her hand, replying, "Bringing him some late-night snacks." I smiled softly at her and brushed past, feeling an overwhelming fatigue wash over me as the doors closed.

Perhaps I should heed Liu Ni Yi's advice and choose to resign, so I wouldn't have to endure such suffocating meetings anymore.

Upon arriving at the ward, Lu Xiangdong was still there. Seeing me, he greeted me cheerfully. I didn't want to be too petty, so I exchanged a few light-hearted jokes with him, but once he left, the smile faded from my face.

Having been in the hospital for nearly two weeks now, Feng Suchuan's complexion was hardly better than when he first arrived. Looking at the pile of materials by his pillow and the overflowing ashtray, I found it difficult to say anything.

After opening the computer, he softly said, "You can watch TV and rest for a while. If you have questions, I'll call you."

I nodded and sat on the nearby caregiver's bed to watch TV.

In the meantime, there was a minor adjustment to the prices of equipment and materials, and after eleven, Feng Suchuan left the hospital with me, taking a taxi to the company.

Noticing that Wen Xicheng's office was still lit, I frowned.

"I'll go to my office to print first," Feng Suchuan said casually as he continued walking ahead.

I took a deep breath and turned into the design department, gently knocking on the door. Upon hearing a response, I pushed the door open and walked in.

Wen Xicheng was sitting on the sofa facing me, holding a cigarette, hunched over, with several unsealed bags on the coffee table that weren't brought by Amy.

Seeing me, he stubbed out the cigarette and said in a hoarse voice, "Just arrived?"

"Yeah, why haven't you left yet?"

"Waiting for you." The person in front of me looked exhausted, appearing somewhat weak and drained.

"Waiting for me for what?"

He stood up from the sofa and took out several meal boxes from the bags. "Haven't eaten dinner, right? I'll heat it up. You go ahead and get busy, and I'll come find you in a bit."

Seeing him standing so unsteadily made my heart ache tremendously. I sniffled and said, "Why did you wait for me until this late?"

He propped himself up from the sofa, took a few takeout boxes from the bag, and said, "You haven't had dinner, right? I'll heat it up for you. You go ahead and get busy; I'll come find you later." 

I watched him struggle to stand straight, my heart aching beyond measure.

I sniffled, supporting his arm as I whispered, "You waited this long because you were worried I hadn't eaten?" 

Hearing the choked sob in my voice, the man in front of me slowly exhaled, turned around, and gently embraced me, resting his chin on my shoulder. He softly said, "I felt really awful after work. By the time I got over it, you had already left the company. When I called you, your phone was off. I thought you must have gone back to sort out the tender documents, so I waited." 

My eyes were already red, and I suddenly grasped a term: never abandoning each other! 

We didn't heat the fast food. After informing Feng Suchuan, I supported Wen Xicheng and left right away. He hadn't uttered another word since he saw Feng Suchuan. Once in the car, he leaned against the back seat, closed his eyes, and cold sweat dripped down his cheeks one by one. His face was deathly pale, showing no signs of pain, yet it was filled with hidden anger! 

The night was deep, and there were almost no vehicles on the road. Noticing his complexion worsening, I drove quickly, arriving at the apartment in only half the usual time. Once the car stopped, I was about to speak, but he opened the car door and got out without a word. 

I hurriedly followed him and felt a bit relieved when I saw his steps were relatively steady. 

In the elevator, he leaned sideways against the wall, lowering his head, his eyelids drooping, projecting a cold demeanor that stifled my concerned words at the tip of my tongue. 

As I opened the door, turning the key in the lock, I felt Wen Xicheng standing directly behind me, very close, his chest almost pressed against my back.

I felt as though I could hear his chaotic and heavy heartbeat. As I clicked the door lock and pushed the door open, a powerful force pushed me from behind, causing me to stumble a few steps.

By the time I regained my balance, the man behind me had already wrapped his arms tightly around me—one arm around my waist and the other supporting the door frame. In my shock, he gently nudged, and the door closed behind us, his hand sliding to the back of my head, his body pressing against me without pause.

My neck was cradled by him, and I found myself completely trapped between a rough yet firm chest and a cold wall, with no room to move! Wen Xicheng looked down at me, his eyes flickering with a mix of hurt and anger. I stared wide-eyed in terror, unable to utter a word of refusal, completely at a loss!

The air around us felt frozen. Breathing became laborious, while the body pressing against me was rigid and tense, leaving no space for resistance. As soon as my hand moved slightly, the man in front leaned in, capturing my lips ruthlessly as he began to bite them. He applied just enough pressure to feel it, yet he was clearly holding back. I could sense the slight quiver in his teeth, as though he wanted to bite down hard, but his actions were filled with tenderness and reluctance.

I thought I could grasp the pain and reluctance in his heart! My eyes welled up with tears, and when his tongue finally surged into my mouth, tears began to slowly slide down my cheeks. A few of them mixed with my mouth, and I tasted a salty, bitter flavor.

Almost simultaneously, the force entwined around my tongue vanished. Wen Xicheng looked at me in panic, as if he had just regained his senses. He released his grip around my waist, lifted his fingers, and gently wiped my tears away, repeatedly murmuring, "Don't cry, Xiatian, don't cry, I was wrong, be good, don't cry anymore!" I shook my head desperately, tears flowing even more fiercely, unable to distinguish whether I was crying for him or for myself.

Seeing that I showed no signs of stopping, Wen Xicheng held me tightly in his arms, kissing my eyes gently and swallowing the tears that had yet to fall, this time with a tender gesture filled with apology.

He took my hand and wrapped it around his waist, softly saying, "Hug me, Xiatian, hug me."

I was still choking back tears, but my hand around his waist gently clasped together.

The room was pitch black, with hardly any moonlight visible. We stood embraced like that, and I lost track of time as my crying gradually subsided. Then, I heard a soft and melancholic voice near my ear.

"Zifei said I must hold on until the end; he's the best example. Nizi said to give you time to discover your true feelings. You said you didn't know if you still loved me. None of this matters; I can wait, no matter how long, but how can I wait for such a result? When he hugged you and kissed you, how could you not push him away? I am constantly trying my best to mend our relationship, treating you like my treasure, and I couldn't bear to touch you. Just looking at you fills me with satisfaction, yet you let me watch you be disrespected by another man. Xiatian, how can I accept this?"

After saying that, he gently placed my hand on his chest. "Just give me a little confidence, okay? Just a little!"

His trembling, low voice sounded like a whimpering little beast, instantly stirring my maternal instincts.

After a moment of tense silence, I finally asked, "How do I give you confidence?"

One hour later.

I lay flat on the bed in my sleepwear, beside me was a man curled up like a ball, seeking a bit of confidence, his eyes closed and his face pale.

We were under the same blanket, his head resting on my pillow while I lay on his arm. Our positions were intimate, yet none of this mattered.

In fact, compared to his hand resting on the soft curve of my chest through my sleepwear, this really wasn't a big deal!

I can't remember how we got to this point.

After asking that question, it felt as though my soul had left my body, my mind completely beyond my control. When he told me to take a shower, I obeyed without hesitation. When he instructed me to lie down on the bed, I complied obediently; it wasn't until his cold palm touched me that I began to awaken. In that moment, the man beside me appeared extremely harmless and innocent.

His fingers were not still in their position, occasionally kneading and pinching. I held my breath, nearly suffocating, yet his expression showed no hint of victorious glee as if a scheme had succeeded; he remained pale, devoid of joy. The faint color on his handsome face was merely a reflection of weariness and pain. His eyes were tightly shut, cold sweat trickling down his forehead, his breathing filled with suppressed gasps. 

How can I describe it? Like a weak baby seeking the comfort of its mother. I know this analogy isn't entirely accurate, but I genuinely felt his dependence and fragility in my heart. 

I reached out to wipe the beads of sweat from his forehead, which elicited small moans from him. He nestled tighter into himself, gently burying his face against my shoulder blade, quieting only when my hand began to stroke his back. 

The room was extremely quiet; perhaps the medication was taking effect, as the person beside me gradually calmed his breathing. I continued to pat his back, watching his satisfied and peaceful sleeping expression, marveling inwardly: Why does everyone think I indulge Feng Suchuan excessively? Compared to my leniency toward Wen Xicheng, what do those things even matter? 

Do I love him or not? If this isn't love, then I truly don't understand love! 

The next morning, I climbed out of bed early. As I got up, Wen Xicheng tightened his grip around my arm in discontent. I struggled for a considerable time before finally managing to pull myself out from under the covers.

After washing up in the bathroom, I found him sitting on the sofa, looking at me with a confused expression.

I remained silent, pressing my lips together and blushing slightly as I turned toward the kitchen.

Breakfast was consumed in silence. He occasionally glanced at me, seemingly studying my emotions, with a nervous expression on his face. I felt a twinge of discomfort in my heart; this was a classic case of taking advantage while pretending to be innocent. He had been sick last night, not drunk, so how could he act as if he had no idea what happened?

On the way to the company, he cautiously spoke up, "Last night, I got a bit dizzy from the pain. Please don't be angry with me, okay?"

It turned out he truly had no recollection; no wonder his expression had seemed so innocent at the time. After I smiled at him, I shook my head, "It's fine."

As he bit his lip and looked away, his gaze lingered for a moment on my chest, and the corner of his mouth couldn't help but curve into a smile. My face instantly flushed, and I hugged my shoulders, turning my face toward the window. Does he remember or not? Why is he smiling so mischievously?

Upon arriving at the company, we organized the bid documents and headed to the bidding site.

This time, the bidding utilized anonymous online marking. The tendering party provided a platform that kept the bidding parties hidden; all questions and answers were conducted online. First was the technical bid evaluation, and only qualified bidders could proceed to the commercial bid evaluation. Each company was allowed a maximum of three representatives to attend. Since Feng Suchuan was hospitalized, I accompanied Wen Xicheng and Manager Du from the business department to participate in the bid on his behalf.

After entering the venue, we first handed the CD of the bid documents to the relevant technical staff, who imported it into a specific system for evaluation.

This process took about ten minutes while we organized the commercial bid.

About a quarter of an hour later, the results of the technical bid evaluation were displayed on the screen.

Generally, this step is merely a formality and typically proceeds without issues. However, when the submitted results appeared on the computer screen, all three of us were instantly stunned.

It explicitly indicated that our company's technical bid did not meet the requirements and was deemed void, directly nullifying our bid qualification. The reason given was that the tender documents clearly stated that all drainage pipes must be made of thin-walled stainless steel, whereas we had used rigid plastic pipes!

My first reaction, along with Manager Du's, was to look at Wen Xicheng, as the responsibility lay with the design department. The man beside me turned pale, biting his lips tightly as he opened the backup of the bid on my computer, skillfully flipping to the relevant clause, where it indeed stated: The material for drainage pipes is rigid plastic!

He then opened the commercial bid, which listed thin-walled stainless steel. This meant our commercial bid was correct, but the technical bid he was responsible for had a significant error!

After leaving the bidding site, Manager Du immediately reported the situation to General Manager Zhang. Wen Xicheng's expression was unusually grave; I stood beside him, unsure of what to say. On the way back to the company, Wen Xicheng received a call from General Manager Zhang, and it was evident he was very angry.

Once we arrived at the company, Manager Du went straight to find General Manager Zhang, while I followed Wen Xicheng into his office. He turned on the computer, opened the email he had sent me, and began searching through the technical bid, his gaze eventually lingering on the screen for a long time without any reaction.

I looked at him with concern, "What's wrong?"

He glanced at me for a moment before turning the computer one hundred eighty degrees toward me.

I looked over, and my body froze.

The technical bid he sent me stated: The material for drainage pipes is thin-walled stainless steel!

After a long silence, I finally asked, "How could this happen?" 

Wen Xicheng looked at me, his eyes filled with complexity and ambiguity. After a moment, he slowly closed the computer, leaned back in his chair, and said softly, "What I submitted was correct, but something went wrong when it reached the owner. The only two people who could have interfered are you and Feng Suchuan! Xia Tian, which side will you stand on this time?" 

He headed straight for the design department. 

Wen Xicheng was about to find Manager Zhang when I pulled him back into the office, closed the door, and said softly, "Can we keep this from Manager Zhang for now?" 

As if he anticipated my request, he leaned against the side, lightly tapping the table with his fingers, keeping his head down in silence. 

"I beg you, let me figure out why he is doing this. This clumsy method is not his style." A faint plea colored my voice. 

The man, bathed in sunlight with a handsome face devoid of warmth, continued to lower his head, but raised his eyelids, revealing depths as profound as the sea, where I could see no bottom. 

After a moment, he slowly looked away and said, his voice somewhat distant, "In summer, we both clearly know what he wants. This time, I hope you can consider my feelings before making a decision." 

After saying that, he opened the door and left, leaving a sense of desolation and loneliness in his wake. 

What does Feng Suchuan want? If his goal is merely to prevent the company from winning the bid, he doesn't need to go to such lengths. A slight adjustment in the price would suffice.

Ultimately, Manager Zhang would still blame our contract department; failing to win the bid could only be perceived as a failure in our work, with no suggestion of personal negligence.

His blatant alteration of the technical bid directly implicates Wen Xicheng, and the amateurish execution of it leaves two possibilities: first, he has decided to leave the company, leaving behind a path of destruction and creating a formidable enemy in the construction industry; second, he intends to force Wen Xicheng out.

The answer is clear; someone as shrewd as he would never select the first option. He understands that we will find out immediately that he tampered with it, and he knows I would never allow Wen Xicheng to expose him. It now all hinges on my decision. If I choose to uphold justice, not only will he sever ties with the company, but he will also become infamous in the construction industry, with no chance for redemption.

Sitting in my chair, a bitter smile crept across my face. I would not take that action, nor would I do what he desired and force Wen Xicheng out. Since someone must take responsibility for this, it can only be me.

After work, I placed the resignation letter I had written in the drawer and took a taxi to the hospital. Before pushing open the hospital room door, I imagined the various reactions Feng Suchuan might have upon seeing me—hints of guilt, avoidance, or perhaps the same cold indifference as always—but I never anticipated the warmth and calm that greeted me.

The man, not dressed in a patient gown, sat on the sofa, with several food containers on the coffee table in front of him, clearly waiting for me. I was momentarily stunned by the scene, staring blankly at him, my thoughts in disarray.

"You haven't had dinner, right? Xiang Dong just brought the food over; there's fish soup you like." His calm voice revealed no emotion.

I pressed my lips tightly together and walked over, looking directly at him. My voice wavered as I asked, "Why did you do this?"

"Let's have dinner first," he replied.

I stood still, feeling a tightness in my chest that brought me pain.

Feng Suchuan slowly opened the food containers and arranged the bowls and chopsticks. "Be good; I will explain after dinner." His tone was firm, with an authority that allowed no room for dissent. After a few minutes of standoff, I sat down and picked up my chopsticks.

As I lowered my head to eat, I deliberately avoided his gaze, obediently consuming the food he placed in my bowl, eager to finish quickly so I could hear his explanation. A quarter of an hour later, I set down my bowl, wiped my mouth, and looked at him. "Can we talk now?"

The rice in front of Feng Suchuan had hardly diminished as he neatly packed the containers into a bag, then stood up and walked to the window. The moonlight was dim, casting a somber aura around his tall silhouette.

I stood up and walked over, taking a deep breath. "Give me a reason!"

"With your intelligence, you must have already guessed."

"Why? You said that even if he didn't come back, the headquarters would send someone else."

"What if it's for you?"

I was stunned, momentarily at a loss for words.

"If he doesn't come back, we could happily be together."

I stared at his sharply defined profile, a whirlwind of thoughts swirling in my mind. It was hard to believe such emotional words were coming from him.

"I thought you had already moved on."

"The one who has moved on is you. No man can accept the woman he loves being embraced by someone else." His tone carried a sense of weariness, and each word he spoke cut deeper than the last, leaving me defenseless.

"You said you didn't love me."

"I said I didn't love you at that time, but that doesn't mean I don't love you now. In summer, because you didn't love me, you couldn't see my feelings."

"You always say you can never enter my heart and can't read my thoughts. Actually, that's not true; you were once there, but after he came back, you left without looking back."

I was left speechless, lowering my head as feelings of guilt and regret reached unprecedented levels.

I felt that it was precisely because of me that he lost the company's favor and ended up in this situation. What more could I say to someone like Feng Suchuan? What right did I have to blame him? Everything is my fault!

I turned away from him and said, "I'm truly sorry for bringing you so much trouble. I will take responsibility for this incident and resign from the company." The man behind me remained silent, and amidst that silence, I stepped out of the hospital room, closing the door behind me. As I saw the figure standing straight by the window, I realized for the first time that I had never truly understood this man in the past four years.

The next day, Feng Suchuan returned to work after his leave. All day long, the company's senior management held a meeting focused on the major mistake that had occurred during the private hospital bidding. It wasn't until just before the end of the workday that he returned to the office. Perhaps he had not fully recovered; his face appeared somewhat pale and fatigued.

After the blinds were closed, I entered his office, placed my resignation letter on the desk, and quietly said, "Please discuss with the HR department as soon as possible about hiring a new supervisor; I can help train her before I leave."

Feng Suchuan did not respond; he merely glanced at me before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, taking slow puffs. After a moment, he asked, "What are your plans after leaving?" His calm tone took me by surprise, and it took me two seconds to murmur, "Going home!"

He softly acknowledged my words and took the resignation letter from the desk. I didn't linger and turned to leave.

After stepping outside, I took a deep breath and made my way to the design department.

The low pressure permeating the office, combined with the serious expressions on everyone's faces, weighed heavily on my mood as well.

If this matter truly involves Wen Xicheng, then the entire design department will be affected. The thought of the complications between the three of us impacting so many others left my heart feeling uneasy.

Upon entering, I saw Wen Xicheng staring blankly at his computer, his expression vacant in a way I had never witnessed before. The sadness in his eyes did not dissipate when he saw me; in fact, it gradually transformed into a piercing gaze that reflected my disheveled and pale appearance. 

"Did you find out the reason?" 

I nodded, sitting across from him and carefully choosing my words before saying, "I'll take responsibility for this matter, and I hope you can help me keep it confidential." 

"How do you plan to take responsibility?" 

"I'll say that I modified the bid documents without authorization." 

"What's the reasoning behind that?" 

"I received kickbacks from other bidding companies."

As soon as I finished speaking, Wen Xicheng leaned back heavily in his chair, his arms resting on his forehead, obscuring his eyes. When he finally spoke again, his voice was hoarse and filled with anguish: "Do you even realize what you are doing?" 

I lowered my head and softly replied, "I do." 

The man across from me let out a faint snort, lowered his arms, and gazed directly at me. "Good! Good! Good! You're willing to shoulder such a huge burden for him, jeopardizing your career and humbly asking me to conceal the truth. Xiàtiān, you have truly made a decision that leaves me speechless!"

The sadness and despair in his voice stirred bitterness in my heart, bringing tears to my eyes that refused to fall. I certainly did not expect his understanding, nor could I prevent him from hating me. I just hoped to bear this burden alone and not drag any more innocent people into it.

My abilities are limited, and the best solution I could come up with is only this: I cannot bear to watch Feng Suchuan's career be destroyed because of me, nor do I wish for Wen Xicheng to shoulder the blame for negligence. To him, all my decisions seem to be made in defense of Feng Suchuan, but only I know whom I most wish to avoid hurting and who I truly care about—unfortunately, he cannot comprehend this at all.

When I stood up to leave, I heard his calm voice, tinged with melancholy, say, "Xiàtiān, I finally believe you no longer love me. This time, I really give up!" As tears fell, I bit my lip to suppress any signs of vulnerability while opening the door to leave.

In this way, I personally brought an end to my unforgettable first love.

Two weeks later.

On a tranquil and peaceful afternoon, outside the window was a lush, green landscape. I stood holding a coffee cup in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass wall in the tea room, feeling hollow and numb, my mind a blank.

"Xiàtiān, I guessed you would be here; our manager has been looking for you several times." Song Ying squeezed in beside me with a smile.

I smiled back, gently nodded, and turned to leave, hearing a leisurely sigh behind me, "You've been in a daze for days; when will you return to normal?"

My heart showed no fluctuations, just an unusual calmness.

Returning to the office to retrieve a document, I got up and met the man's faint gaze through the glass partition. I expressionlessly shifted my gaze away and turned to leave.

The door to the design manager's office was open. I walked straight in, putting on a formulaic smile and handing over the materials. "Manager Li, here are the equipment parameters. Is there anything else missing?"

The man opposite me leaned forward slightly, his somewhat overweight body appearing warm and polite. "Thank you; you've been a bother these past few days. We will need your department to cooperate regularly in the future."

"I'll treat the young ladies in your department to dinner sometime." 

I smiled and declined, saying, "This is all part of our duties; you're being too polite. If there could be afternoon tea, I think they would be very happy." 

The man laughed heartily, "No problem! I'll have the afternoon tea sent over shortly!" 

"Thank you! You're busy; I'll head out first." 

As I left the office and stepped out of the design department, I glanced back. The sun was still warm and gentle, and the glass partition remained clear and transparent, but the tall figure and the pair of affectionate eyes were no longer there. The bitterness in my heart surged again, difficult to suppress. I hurried to the restroom, sat on the toilet lid, and let the tears fall freely, feeling nothing but heartache.