Chapter-185

Complicated

Jay-jay's POV

'Love my son.' Just
kidding! What Yuri's mom said was like a broken record in my brain . Seriously?! She's the one who's been
telling me to love her son. I'm even more confused. To make matters worse, Keifer still isn't answering me.
He's still not coming home. I'm starting to worry. My mind is all mixed up now. It's like a mess. I heard
someone knock on the door. I was about to open the door but Aunt Gema opened it on her own and came in.
She looked worried and seemed confused. She broke the door and faced me. "Auntie?" "Jay... uhmm... W-
what... W-why." She stammered. I don't know what the problem is. It was obvious that she wanted to say
something. She kept holding back her shit. Ppffftttt... Don't laugh! "Why? Is there a problem?" I asked. She
took a deep breath. "W-why... Jay. W-there's your L-grandmother in the living room." I immediately smiled at
what she said. I miss Grandma too. I couldn't visit her during the retreat because the organizers wouldn't l
et
me. Whatever the reason was for her being here, I was so happy to be with her again. But my smile gradually
aded as the worry on Tita Gema's face didn't go away. "T-Tita Gema." "T-Tita Gema is with your M-mama and...
Her future husband." It was like the sky fell on me. Really now? She's really just now when I'm feeling so heavy.
Nice! "Tita... I'm M-feeling bad. I'm not going to leave the room for now ." I kept saying and immediately lay
down on the bed, pulling the blanket over me. Tita Gema sat next to me and I was a little nervous. "You can't...
You have to face your Mama." I quickly removed the blanket and looked at her pleadingly. I didn't want to see
her, especially now that I'm having a problem. "I don't want to." "Jay-jay... They're staying here too so we'll see
each other and see each other." Shutanginames! What day is it today? Is it a day to rain bad luck? If not,
then....Haizt! I'm annoyed! I stood up lifelessly. Auntie smiled at me and put her arm around me. We left the
room and went straight to the living room. Grandma was the first I saw so I somehow smiled. "Grandpa..." She
called me and hugged me. I immediately hugged her. I hugged her tight to make up for the days we weren't
together. "Miss you Grandma." I whispered. "I miss you too, Grandpa." She replied and hugged me tighter.
"That's sweet... I hope you hug Mama like that too." The happiness in my heart immediately died after hearing
that voice. I didn't want to let go of Grandma's hug because honestly, I wasn't ready to see her yet. I slowly
turned around to her. She was smiling and looking at me. A smile that I couldn't return. A smile that felt like it
was delicious to erase from her face. "Jay-jay son..." She called to me while waiting for a hug. "...Mama is
waiting." So you wait. I looked at Grandma and Aunt Gema. My brother did the same, motioning for me to
come to Mama. I couldn't do anything but hug her. Her perfume was the first thing that hit me----this is what I
noticed. Because her smell was different from the last time I remembered. Or maybe it was just that it had
been so long since I last saw her that I couldn't remember. Looking at her, it seemed like she hadn't changed
at all. She had become even more beautiful and looked younger. I could see the resemblance between us
now. I tried to pull away from her. I didn't know why but I couldn't hold on. It was like my body didn't want to be
stuck to her. I immediately went back to Aunt Gema's side. Mama was obviously surprised but she tried to
smile back. "How are you? I haven't heard much from you." "I-it's fine..." I hesitated. "How are you studying?
How are you?" He asked. Don't ask! "I-it's fine too." I knew he was waiting for me to tell him a story. But I didn't
want to do that. I didn't want to say anything to him. Silence fell over us. Suddenly, a man entered the door. All
our attention went to him. He was carrying a paper bag. "Hon!" Mama called and led him closer to us. "...This
is my son." W-what?! Why is that?! My heart was beating fast. I felt scared even for no reason. I held onto
Auntie. I knew she could feel my trembling. The man smiled and handed me what he was carrying. "For you."
No! I looked at Auntie as if to say 'will you accept it?'. She held my hand and nodded. I slowly reached out to
accept what she was carrying. Mama smiled widely when she saw that I accepted it. I didn't look at the
contents, I went back to Auntie's side. "Jay-jay... He's going to be your Papa. We're getting married." Mama
said happily while hugging the man's arm. "...Say hello to your Papa Andy." Andy held out his hand to me. "Nice
to meet you Jay-jay." That's something I won't do. It's against my will to talk to them. Then shake hands?! I
clung to Auntie Gema again. "Jay-jay." Kuya called to me. "...He's getting to know you well." Kuya Angelo's
oice was full of authority and command. I didn't realize that Mama had already come closer to me. She
grabbed me by both arms and forced me closer to Andy. "M-mama..." I called to her to try to get her to stop
but she really didn't want to be weaned. She stopped me in front of Andy. She was surprised by my behavior. I
was really like this, there was nothing else I could do. "Get to know your Uncle Andy properly." Mama ordered.
Why me?! You guys can do it. That guy---here's Jay-jay, here's Andy, you two can kill each other. I looked at
Mama and her annoyance was obvious. After all, what I was doing was really driving me crazy. What could I
do? I'm really scared. I can't get out of here because I'm stubborn. No choice. "I-I'm Jay-jay... Thank you for
being here." I said almost in a whisper. "You're welcome... Just let me know if you need anything else." "S-
okay." She smiled at me and reached out her hand to pat me on the arm. When her palm touched mine, it felt
like electricity suddenly gripped me. My hand automatically rose to push her hand away from me. Shit! Don't
touch me! My heart was beating so fast. The fear I was feeling was back again and I felt like something bad
was going to happen. "Jay-jay!" Mama shouted. "...What are you doing! Why did you do that?!" Auntie
immediately came to me and supported me. "Are you okay?" I couldn't answer. I let go of the paper bag I was
holding to hug myself. My eyes were uneasy as I looked around. I didn't understand but the fear I was feeling
was strange. "Jay... What's happening to you?" Grandma asked me. "Mom! Please let Jay-jay enter the room
first." Kuya Angelo ordered. Auntie Gema was supporting me to my room. Even though we were far away from
Mama, I still felt different. As soon as I entered, Auntie immediately closed the door. I sat on the bed and
stared at something. "Are you okay? What happened? Are you in pain? Do you remember anything ?" She
asked me one after another. I only shook my head in response while still staring at something . Even though I
was confused by her questions, fear was overwhelming me. I know I've felt this way before but I don't know
where. It's strange! It's so strange. I feel like a little kid scared of being spanked by a parent. "...Jay-jay. Speak
up, please." Auntie pleaded. "...tell me how you feel." I was scared. I felt the same way when I met the person
who introduced me as Tony dela Cruz. It was almost the same. Even though I didn't know him, it was as if my
body didn't want to come near him. A loud knock woke me up from my deep thoughts. The door opened and
Mama looked at me angrily. "Why did you do that to your Uncle Andy?!" She asked while pointing. "...that's
embarrassing! I told you you were a good kid! And then you humiliated him!" "Jeana... Understand Jay-jay."
Auntie Gema replied to her. Mama's angry gaze shifted to her. "Understand?! He humiliated Andy in front of us!
Do you want me to understand more?!" "The kid is going through something!" Auntie insisted. "...He won't just
adjust!" "Don't lecture me about my son!" "I'm not lecturing you!" Aunt and Mama continued arguing. I couldn't
help but burst into tears at what I saw. If anyone else wasn't my Mom, she would be the one who understood
me. Why was that? "Can you go outside first? I'll just talk to my son first!" Mama said. "I'm sorry but I won't
leave Jay-jay." Aunt said bravely. Mama sighed and I saw her sharp grin. Instead of answering, she just pushed
Tita slightly to come closer to me. She sat down opposite me. "Jay... Son." She said calmly. "...You need to
accept your Uncle Andy. After we get married, you'll live with us for a while . At least before you get married to
Yuri." Wow...Wow magic sing! I couldn't believe what she was saying. It was so easy to say but so hard to do.
She even mentioned Yuri. He even mentioned the wedding that he allowed without my permission. How
wonderful! Along with my tears falling, I was also angry with him. "You can leave my room now." I asked softly.
"Jay-jay." Aunt Gema called me. I looked at Mama and I could see her shock at what I said. I didn't want to be
rude, especially to her. But I was really angry . "Go away. I'm talking to you." "W-why are you talking to me like
that?!" She asked angrily. "... Is that what they teach you here?!" "Don't ask anymore! Just leave!" I shouted.
"Jay-jay!" Aunt Gema scolded me but I still didn't move. "Don't yell at me! You might forget what you are!" I
looked at her. "I know! But if you don't leave, I might forget what you are!" Even though it was against her will,
she left my room. As soon as the door closed, my tears fell. Auntie immediately came over to hug me.
"Ssshhh... Jay-jay." Auntie said while rubbing my back and hair. "W-why is that? Why am I not happy to see
him?" Auntie hugged me tighter. She didn't answer my question. I continued crying and to be honest, I felt for
Auntie Gema what I didn't feel for Mama. Being a mother to her child. When I got tired of crying, Auntie Gema
let me sleep for now. I also wanted to sleep and if only when I woke up, they would be gone. It was already
afternoon when I woke up. I didn't want to get up yet but my head was starting to hurt. I felt people
downstairs. I heard people talking and laughing. They were still there! My shoulders slumped and I headed
straight to the bathroom. I continued to take a shower. I stayed under the shower longer than I used to. It's so
heavy to be with her at home. I don't know why I feel this way. I used to be eager to see her. Especially when I
was in the hospital. That's when I realized that it hurts to rely on nothing. The longer I stay with Grandma, the
less I rely on her. It hurts even more when someone comes to us and says that Mama is at the police station
because her enemy has imprisoned her. I don't go with her anymore because I don't want to see her in that
state. When people ask me about her, I can't answer because I haven't seen her. And then it slowly dawns on
me that I don't know her anymore. I don't even know my own mother anymore. I only know her by name and I
call her Mama out of necessity. My tears flowed as the water from the shower poured down. It's annoying! I
don't want to cry. It's tiring, boring and I look weak. I bowed my head while trying to stop myself from crying
out loud. I can't help it. The tears I had been saving for her for years, now they seem to want to come out. It all
comes back to me, the days I sat at Grandma's door. I was waiting for her because it was my birthday and I
hoped she would greet me personally. Even if there was no gift and even if nothing was ready, as long as she
came. Christmas and New Year's Eve, I wrapped a gift for her. She didn't come so I just gave it to Grandma.
The days when I was sick and she was the one I was looking for. And the most painful for me. The day she
isited the house. I said I wouldn't hope it would continue but when Grandma texted me, she immediately took
me home. I didn't go to my last subject just to see her. Then when I arrived, she was gone. It was as if she was
really avoiding me. It was as if she really didn't want to see us. Since that day, I no longer believed that she
would show up for me. It hurt me so much that even my own mother was moving away and avoiding me. I sat
on the floor with a soft knee. I don't want to cry out loud because they might hear me outside and worry. Every
breath I take is heavy, like I'm being strangled. Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? I don't
recognize my father anymore, why does my mother have to lose me? Why do I have to feel the love of my
amily from other people? From people I didn't expect to be a part of my life. Those pesky snakes! I tried to
calm myself down. I was already soaked in water and at any moment, I knew that Auntie and I would knock to
wake me up. I quickly wiped myself off and got ready. When I opened the door, I was just as annoyed as I was
when I saw Mama. She was rummaging through my cabinet. "What are you doing?" I asked seriously. She
aced me with a smile while holding a dress. "You finally finished taking a shower... I've been waiting for you
or a while." I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" She didn't answer. She was still holding my dress and facing the mirror.
She held it to her body as if she were shopping for clothes at the market. "Something?" She asked. I couldn't
say 'no' because after all, it suited her better. Mama has a tall figure and a beautiful body shape. Who would
have thought that she had already had two children? That's why I'm no longer surprised why so many men still
like her. "Is that all you came here for?" I asked, stopping her. She forced a smile even though her plastic face
was showing. "I'll pick out a dress for you. For our family dinner." Family dinner? "We're family, aren't we?" I
asked sarcastically. She looked at me sharply. Maybe besides her appearance, I also got her attitude. She's
not a plastic person. If she's angry----she's angry, if she doesn't want----she doesn't want and if she wants to
fight----she's ready. She dropped the dress on the bed and slowly approached me. She stopped in front of me
without taking her eyes off me. "Jay-jay... I'm trying to make up for my shortcomings with you. But if you hit
me, even though you're 17. I'll still discipline you the way I know how. Do you understand?" He said calmly. I
didn't answer. I followed his gaze. I didn't intend to hit him. I also didn't want to lose the remaining respect I
had for him. "I'm not going to your dinner. Thank you." I said and walked past him to get closer to my closet. I
got some clothes to wear. Just a t-shirt and shorts. I knew he still wasn't leaving my room so I pretended to fix
my scattered clothes. "Okay..." He said with a sigh. "...We're not going out anymore, we'll just stay home and
have a family dinner." He didn't wait for my answer. Just as I turned around, he opened the door to my room
and came out. Nice! He's really going to insist on what he wants. I threw the t-shirt I was holding on the bed in
rustration. If only they wouldn't stay here. I lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I wanted to look at
Mama's face but a big part of me felt angry every time I saw her. She still looked so young. After all, Mama
was only 16 when she got pregnant with Kuya. Then she was 17 when she gave birth to me. Oh, she's only 34!
That's why she looks like that. I let out a deep sigh . I was so angry! This wasn't how I expected to meet her.
Someone knocked on my bedroom door so I immediately stood up. The door slowly opened and Andy,
Mama's new husband, came out. My eyebrows immediately crossed. Just his presence was strange. I didn't
want him in the house. "H-hi..." He greeted me absently. "...can I come in?" "If I say 'no'? Will you continue?" I
asked sarcastically. He laughed a little, full of wonder. "I was just going to ask , what do you want for dinner?
We'll have it delivered." I raised one eyebrow. "Why are you asking me? Am I the only one who's going to eat?"
He bowed slightly and looked embarrassed, I could see his frown. I wanted to know how patient he was and
what he could do when he was full. "Not like that... I also want to hear your opinion." He said seriously.
"Anything... as long as it's eatable." I answered bored. The confusion in his expression was obvious. He didn't
seem to know what 'eatable' meant . I heard that word from Ci-N. It comes from the word 'eat' and means that
it can be eaten. "Okay... I'll just tell your mom." He answered me. I thought he was about to leave but he was
still standing at the door of my room. I stared at him hoping to let him know that he was leaving.But he didn't
move and seemed to want to say something more. "Do you need anything else?" I asked. He bowed and
sighed. "Look... I know you're missing me----." "It's good you know." I cut him off, seemingly amused by what he
said. His embarrassment disappeared and I knew he was pissed. He looked at me straight in the eye. That's
all I was waiting for, for him to get angry and talk to me. Let's see... Andy! "I'm trying to understand your
situation here. I don't want to force you to like me as your father but please learn the word 'respect'." He said
seriously. I winced. Is that it? Is he angry already? I know there's more and I want to see that. I stood up and
looked at him bored. "Respect? I never learned that word." I smiled at him, who was obviously plastic. "...and
like you as my father? I don't think so. I have a father and his name is Jasfher." He couldn't speak. He nodded
while forcing a smile. I didn't want to be embarrassed but I couldn't help it. I also didn't want to say something
bad.
but I did it. I don't want to make him feel like I don't like him
but I really don't.
"We'll just call you when dinner is ready." He said and
left completely.
I knew I would be scolded for what I did. Maybe I'll just prepare
myself, especially from Kuya Angelo's mouth. They won't understand me
so it's okay.
I'll get my ears ready!