Hi Pumpkin

Dear God

I didn't know much about you, until I met him.

He didn't change me, he made me change the way I looked at you and that changed who I was.

Flashback

The soft hum of jazz music mingled with the hum of the casual conversations that filled the venue. I looked over at the man sitting across from me, Lonwabo Nkosinathi Maxolo The man I had met at the parking space two weeks ago who had made fun of my orange socks. I didn't expect that we would meet at this team-building event but when I was planning to escape the event after hours of mingling and making small conversations, I bumped into him. He was dressed sharply, his crisp white shirt rolled up to his sleeves and his tie slightly loosened, a perfect balance between formal and approachable. His dark eyes held mine briefly before he broke into a bright smile. "We meet again Pumpkin."

"When did we get to nickname basis?" I whispered, as I tried to remind myself that he was a stranger I didn't know so I had no business being so flustered.

"Nice to meet you again-"

"Lonwabo," he said, as he extended his hand for a handshake.

"Nice to meet you again Mr Lonwabo," I said, smiling softly at him as I met his handshake. It was firm yet there was softness in the grip.

"Leaving already?" he asked as he looked at me up and down, his head tilted.

That led to us sitting at the far corner table where only a few people were while the rest of the crowd tore the dance floor away and some stuffed their faces with the delicious buffet food. We were almost alone in this corner and it felt intimate, the dimmed lighting added to the intimacy and that made it feel like we were in our own bubble.

"You know, you do this thing where you just disappear-well, not physically, but in here," he said, tapping his temple lightly, with a grin plastered on his lips.

"What do you mean?"

"Your mind goes somewhere else like you are solving the mysteries of the universe while the rest of us are stuck here."

I chuckled, my fingers playing with the napkin in front of me ."I didn't realise it was obvious. It's just…easier sometimes to zone out you know? My mind feels like the only place where I can think things through without interruptions."

"Ah, so your escape plane is zoning out. Makes sense," he said, smiling gently at me. The way his eyes looked me made me feel some how flustered, like I didnt have to pretend that i was perfect in every sense. It felt nice but at the same time it made me feel anxious because it made me want to let my guard down. "What about you? What's your escape plan?" I asked, hoping it would get his eyes from me as he thought about his answer but his eyes stayed on me as he smiled and gave me an answer.

"I pray. When I feel overwhelmed, I just talk to God. It calms me down." He shrugged as he held my gaze this time as if he was trying to catch my expression.

A frown appeared on my face as I tried to process what he said, his answer caught me off guard."You pray? Like, talk to God about everything?"

"Yeah, why not? He is there, and I figured he knows what's going on anyway. So, I might as well let it all out."

"That's…different. I'm not used to men being so upfront about their faith." I admitted.

"Well, how's that for a rare breed?" he smirked. "What about you? Where does God fit in when you are zoning out?"

"Well, I don't know honestly, never really thought about it much, I mean I pray when I get the chance but like praying and talking to him in the midst of all this as my escape plan? Never crossed my mind."

"Why is that?"

That question left me blank, why was it that way? I mean I pray to God, I go to church(whenever I get the chance), and I know the bible but did I really know God the way I was supposed to know him? My heart started beating fast for some unexplainable reason and Lonwabo seemed to have sensed that something had tensed in me.

"Hey, it's okay I didn't mean to put you in a spot and make you uncomfortable," he said, holding my gaze.

I was not uncomfortable because of him but because of how the question made me reflect deeper on something that has always been a serious part of our lives but i never really treated it seriously. Faith, religion, God- all these are important aspects of our lives as they shape us and build us, it's something that is deemed important for a child to learn from a young age but yet here I was with no idea of where I stood with God and the fact that Lonwabo had to ask me that question before I did a self introspection scared me, what if I never met Lonwabo and we never had this conversation would i have continued living in my own bubble where I thought I had everything figured out in life, even God?

"No, you didn't put me in a spot. It's just that I feel odd. Like if someone were to ask me about God, I wouldn't know what to say. I mean I would say what I was told about him but not something I know about him."

He smiled lightly, his eyes still locked onto mine. He sat up straighter and took out his phone, he typed on his phone while I shifted awkwardly in my seat.I started tapping my feet on the ground as a means of busying myself after a moment he turned his phone to face me and there lay in front of me a picture of a young Lonwabo leaning on a wall, his eyes were half closed as he looked intoxicated, he was bleeding from the nose and his clothes looked torn and dirty.

"Uyambona lomfana omncane(Do you see this young boy)?That was me."

"What? What happened? Are you okay?" I asked, my hands covering my mouth in shock as I scanned his face for any bruises as if it were a recent accident.

"I am okay, it happened thirteen years ago," he said. " I had been kidnapped by this gang to 'train' me to become a part of their gang. They drugged me, beat me and locked me in a warehouse." hid adam's apple moved as he swallowed, seemingly a lump in his throat.

"I escaped but i didn't feel at peace or safe. Ngangihlale ngicabanga ukuthi ngiyabukwa (I always thought I was being watched). The stress got to me. My mother tried taking me to church to try and help me recover from that ordeal but I was angry and always anxious. I joined another small gang to protect me from them. I always told myself it was better to enter willingly than to enter forcefully. My mom kept telling me to seek refuge in God, but where was he when the other young boys and I needed him?"

He paused, his expression unreadable. I didn't know what to say to him and partly because it didn't even seem like I had to say something. Even if I had to say something to him, I didn't know what to say, I had my moments or still have my moments where i question if God is even there. It's not always but it is in times when I am left in a tight position, times like that one moment five years ago.

"I didn't want to hear about him until he had proven to me that he was truly there. And he would show that by getting rid of them, by getting rid of all gangs and making them pay for what they had done to all the kids, to me."

"Did he?"

"No," he said, a slight chuckle leaving his mouth.

"Then what happened?" Curiosity had me by my neck I wanted to know more, I wanted to hear the end of the story and by the look in his teasing eyes, he wasn't going to tell me everything.

"Well, that's a story for another day."

"But the story isn't even complete."

"sizoyiqeda ngolunye usuku (We will finish it some other day)," he said, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Ngizokubona nini mara(when will i even see you)?" I asked, my eyes pleading for him to finish the story. I hated incomplete stories and Lonwabo seemed to think it would be a good idea to leave his story incomplete, it took me back to this one tv show i binge watched all night only to discover that the show was discontinued and i would never get a continuation, i was so irritated I could bite someone or break my furniture. Over dramatic but totally valid.

"Go with me on a date and I will finish the story."

"Is this your way of asking me out for a date, you do realise that's kind of psycho?"

"What is? Asking ithangalam(my pumpkin) to go on a date with me?"

This man had no reason to be this way, I don't know why my body was melting in his corny nicknames but I was reacting. I hated myself for it but my heart and body were narrating a different story.

"No, you telling me a story that you know I would be so caught up in and decide to not finish it. Instead, you put me in a position where I can't say no because you know I want to hear the end."

"Well, you could say no if you don't want to go on a date with me."

"Pane zvandakakutadzira here? (Did I do something wrong to you?)"

"Huh?" he asked in confusion.

"When and where?"I asked, ignoring his confusion that had risen from me speaking Shona.

"I will text you all that," he said as he got to his feet with a sheepish smile on his face. He winked at me as I stared at this man who was trying to be coy with me.

"And Pumpkin."

"What!" I barked, folding my arms.

"Don't overthink it too much. Just... trust the process," he said with a mysterious smile, his dark eyes lingering on me for a moment longer than they should have.

"Trust the process? What are you, a motivational speaker now?" I retorted, rolling my eyes.

He chuckled, took a step back, and said, "Oh, and wear something orange."

Before I could reply, he disappeared into the crowd, leaving me with more questions than answers, and a peculiar fluttering in my chest I wasn't ready to admit.