Sunday prayer
Jay-jay's POV
"...how many months have you been?" I asked the person I was talking to. ["7 months. Please Jay, you've agreed. Not yet, maybe next week."] I winced. I wanted to refuse because it was embarrassing. And besides , Grace doesn't have any other friends. Because of course, she got pregnant early and then added to that she's a bad girl. "Why didn't you come with me?" ["She said she was getting bored with me. She said I was impatient."] "I don't know. Yes. Just tell me when so I can say goodbye right away." ["Thank you Jay! Grace will be happy about that."] She said goodbye to me before completely hanging up the call. I sighed. She was 7 months pregnant, it seemed like we had just found out she was pregnant. That means she was already a few months pregnant at that time. Then they were still ï¬ghting. She said yesterday that her pregnancy was sensitive. He can barely move properly because he's always lying down or sitting to rest. When did the doctor ï¬nally let him leave the house? And guess what? They said goodbye and said they would use my name 'Jay' or their baby. If it's a girl, we'll be just as beautiful. If it's a boyâ€" oh my! I hope he doesn't turn into a Cobra. He had a huge headache that time. I looked at the door when I heard a knock after it opened. Brother Angelo appeared, fully dressed. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded at him before putting my cellphone in my pocket. He walked out ï¬rst and I followed. When we got to the living room, everything was complete. From Tita Gema, Tito Julz, Aries, Kuya Angelo and me. "Shall we eat after church?" I asked and I heard Tito Julz and Tita Gema's soft laughter. "There's nothing yet but you're looking for food." Aries said while pulling my arm. Until we got out and got into the white van, he was still holding my arm. I looked around inside. Maybe someone was with us, I don't know. Aries looked like he was. Tita Gema, who was next to the driver, also got in. Tito Julz, the driver, and Kuya, who sat next to me. It felt weird. It was like this on New Years Eve when they suddenly announced their engagement. I suddenly felt nervous. There must be nothing happening today. I looked at Kuya Angelo and Aries. They were like police officers guarding a criminal who wanted to escape. I was just a slingshot with my rice, but I'm not a criminal. I just ignored them and took out my cellphone to play. I was just pressing the button and I couldn't see where the vehicle was going. The traffic was a bit light because it was Sunday, so I knew the trip wouldn't take long. I was right because I hadn't even reached the second level of the game when the car we were riding stopped. Tito and Tita got off ï¬rst, Kuya and I were about to follow but I was stopped. This is not a church. When did the hospital become a church? I looked at Kuya Angelo who was looking at me seriously. Tita was waiting to see if I would come out and Aries was holding my hand. "Why are we here? Is this the new design of the church?" I asked innocently even though I really knew the answer. "Get off, Jay." Kuya ordered calmly. I shook my head. I saw Tita Gema approach him and touch his shoulder. "Don't force it. The child is not ready yet." He said and Kuya turned to face him so they could talk. "Jay, try to understand. We're doing this for you." Aries said and pushed me slightly. I quickly stopped my body from moving and held on to the seat just so that this chubby Horoscope wouldn't push me. "I don't want to, I know what you're planning." I said and resisted his strong push. "You're planning to send me to the mental. I'm just being silly but I'm not crazy." He stopped pushing me. "You idiot! Why are we sending you to your real home?" Real home? My real home is mental? "You're crazy! When did Iâ€"." I couldn't ï¬nish what I was going to say because of his sudden strong push on me. Because I couldn't prepare my body, I kept alling out of the car. My body fell, surprising my brother who was just next to the door talking. "Aaaarrraaayyyy..." I moaned softly because of the impact on my back and elbow. "Aries! Your brother got hurt." Tita Gema's sermon while helping me stand up. "Good job." I heard my brother say to Aries. Beast! I held my elbow until I could stand properly. People were looking at me, which made me feel embarrassed. I must have looked embarrassing. I hope I just lost consciousness when I fell. Or maybe my head just got smashed.I was more embarrassed than anything that had happened to me. I bowed my head while rubbing my elbow. Auntie led me as I entered the hospital. People were still looking at me as if I was such a fool. Esushme! I was pushed, huh? "Let's go to the ER ï¬rst." Uncle Julz said and was about to turn into a hallway but I quickly stopped. "No. I'd rather rest at home. Let's just go home ." I nodded and backed away slightly but I felt someone's body behind me. I looked up slightly and Kuya's dark face appeared before me. I immediately moved away from him. "K-kuya. Let's just go home." I pleaded. He shook his head. "You need this." "Kuya." My tone was still conversational but he kept walking. I knew the real reason why we were here. They wanted to take me to the Psychiatrist. They were going to force me to tell them about my dream. They're probably going to hypnotize me like I've seen on TV, like a budol-budol. Auntie came over to me and put her arm around me. "Don't be afraid. This is for you too." We walked together to follow Kuya. I knew that Tito Julz and my good brother were right behind us, and it was so nice to be able to swing back and forth. I was still holding my elbow because of the slight pain. You're a Horoscope. We stopped in front of a door. There was a label on the side where the doctor's name and title were written. I immediately grabbed Tita's clothes. "I don't want to. Tita." I felt Kuya's hand on my arm. He was trying to pull me closer to the door. I didn't want to start a ï¬ght so I simply fought back even though I really wanted to ï¬ght. "Kuya..." "Angelo. Maybe next timeâ€"." Tita suggested but Kuya immediately cut off what he was going to say. "No Ma. We've given him so much time." He said and still tried to pull me closer to the door. He knocked ï¬rst and only when he heard the permission of the person inside did he open the door. A woman with short curly hair smiled and opened it for us. She was wearing thick-framed glasses. "Angelo." She greeted Kuya before standing up and welcoming us. "Nice to see you and your family. I thought you were coming later." I felt her grip tighten on me. I was starting to hurt. "Is that him?" the woman asked Kuya. He just nodded in response. While she looked complacent, I winced in pain. The woman turned to face me and I saw her nametag stuck to her left chest near her pocket. Dra. Peralta. "You must be Jasper Jean. I'm Dra. Claudia Peralta." She introduced herself and reached out her hand. Instead of meeting her hand, I grabbed Kuya's arm. "Your hand! It hurts!" I complained and he immediately let go. Even the doctor in front of us was surprised by my reaction. I frowned as he rubbed the part of my arm he had grabbed . I wasn't going to run away but his grip was too tight. "Angelo?" The Doctor asked as if he was asking why he did that. Kuya just coughed and bowed slightly. The doctor turned to me again and smiled at me. "Excuse me, your Kuyaâ€"." "I know. You don't have to tell me." I was cut off from what he was going to say. I heard them all come to me at the same time. I couldn't understand a thing because of the way they were talking to each other. They were using different languages. "It's okay. You should probably sit down." He told us. Suddenly, someone grabbed me and pulled me to sit on the long sofa next to Tita Gema. When I looked at who it was, Aries appeared with a frown. I quickly pulled his hand away. I still couldn't get rid of my annoyance with him. After he pushed me out of the car. It would have been good if I hadn't fallen, I would have forgiven him but that's not the case. Many people have seen me and it looks like I was caught on CCTV. I'm not ready to be famous for my outrageousness in life. I 'll be competing or sure. I'll have endorsements and become a brand ambassador. Then I'll be cast in a commercial. Until I'm cast in a series and a movie and when I'm famous, Miss Jessica Soho will interview me. I'll scream "I'll KMJS that!". And that's because I fell. Sometimes we really need imagination to save ourselves rom embarrassment. Was it just to appease myself that I looked like an action star and people were looking at me earlier? My back and elbows still hurt but my pride that I was left outside hurts more. You're Horoscope! You're Horoscope! "Jay." My brother called so I looked up. " He's talking to you. Answer." He pointed at the Doctor. I looked at the Doctor for a moment before bending down and playing with my nails . They were getting long, I needed an instant nail cutter. "Are you comfortable with your family here or do you prefer privacy?" He asked me. "It's ï¬ne." I had no life in my answer. "Maybe this is it. I also want to hear what he has to say." Kuya interjected. "We need to consider his feelings more." Doctor replied. Doctor had an attitude. "Whatever. Just do what you need to do." Kuya ordered. I looked at them simply. Doctor's face was brave while Kuya Angelo was looking at him with a frown. I felt like these two had known each other for a long time. Doctor glared at him before picking up his notes and acing me again. I bent down and ï¬dgeted with my nail. "Is it okay if I call you Jay-jay?" He asked me. I nodded and brought my nail closer to my face so I could see it properly. Wut is dis?! There's something white under my nail. "Can you tell me something about yourself?" He asked again but I ignored him. What I found under my nail was what I was paying more attention to . What is this thing? Is it libag? But why is it white? Libag is black and it comes from the body. I don't scratch my body. I often scratch my head but I don't get anything like this. Sometimes a lice or ant, I'm lucky to get another insect. This is probably how the rich get their libag. The libag of the rich is social . Maybe because I live at Auntie's house, my libag has become rich. The question is?! Will they taste the libag I get on my body? Lately, I don't get any libag on my body anymore because I bathe often now. Unlike before, I can go to school without bathing. Special talent. "Jay." Kuya called out threateningly. Does he also want to taste libag? I peeked at the Doctor before sighing. I really don't want to talk about my life. What should I tell him? Who is he? "Jay-jay." The Doctor called softly. "I know you're uncomfortable , but I can be trusted." "What do you want to hear?" I replied. "The things that happened to you. We need them to ï¬nd the solution to your problem." I laughed bitterly at what he said. I didn't like the way he spoke. He was making me look stupid. "I'm an illegitimate child." I said and I could see his slight shock. "My father was already married when he and Mama met. I was the result of sin and shouldn't have lived." "Jay!" Tita Gema yelled at me. "You shouldn'tâ€"." "She wanted to hear everything. That's why she saidâ€"." "Your mother doesn't know she's married!" Tita cut me off from what I was about to say. I could see her disappointment in me. "She ound out about everything too late." I felt ashamed of myself. I thought she knew from the beginning that Papa was married. Percy and I hadn't discussed the matter properly so I thought she knew. Then I even scolded her. "It's okay. That's a good start." Diktora said. Honestly, I had been sick of her for a while now. His tone was annoying as if he could answer all my problems. "Just tell me what you remember or your dream." Kuya ordered. The dream I had spontaneously entered my mind. Suddenly I elt uncomfortable following my heavy breathing. I didn't want to remember that thing, let alone talk about it. I didn't like how I was feeling. I wanted to leave here. I shook my head. "I-I want to go home." I said as I stood up. Aries and Tita immediately stood up. I was about to approach the door when someone grabbed my arm tightly. When I faced him, Kuya's angry gaze met my eyes. "How long are you going to avoid me?!" He said angrily. "Angelo. Let her go." The Doctor shouted at him. I tried to remove his hand but his other hand held my other arm. "Kuya, please let her go." Aries pleaded. "Jay! You need to worry!" He shouted at me. I couldn't hold it anymore and I cried on my own. "I-I don't want to." "Angelo! Don't force meâ€"." The Doctor didn't ï¬nish what she was going to say when Kuya spoke again. "Jim Alcantara, Tony Dela Cruz, Alex Ramos. Don't you remember any of them?!" She shouted at me. My heart suddenly beat faster and faster. If earlier I was just struggling to breathe, now I literally couldn't breathe. I held my chest following the rise and fall of my shoulders. "J-jay!" Auntie called to me and pushed Kuya away. "H-no.... H-breathe." I said and tried to ï¬nd someone to hold onto. They made a commotion and simultaneously supported me. I couldn't help but panic. I tried to gasp for air but it felt like someone was choking me. It was scary, so I kept crying. "She's hyperventilating." The Doctor said and I felt someone sit on me. "Breath." Kuya said and hurriedly pulled me out. "Keep breathing." I held one hand on my chest and the other on Kuya's clothes. I couldn't see his face properly because of the tears. I was also starting to feel dizzy because of the lack of proper air. He laid me down on a bed and when he walked away, I didn't let go of his clothes that I had been holding. "W-don't..." I begged. I felt people approaching me one after another. I couldn't see who they were but I felt like they were attaching some kind of device to me. Kuya removed my hand that was holding him. "Ssshh... I'll be here. You'll be ï¬ne." He was about to let go of me but my hand chased his. I wanted to yell at him and tell him not to leave me. It was his fault. His grip on my hand tightened. "Forgive me. I didn't know you would be like this." I felt that he was serious and sincere in apologizing. I also let go of his will. What I heard from him was enough for me. Sometimes I think that Kuya really has a crush on me, that maybe he doesn't like me like his other cousins. He treats me differently, as if I were a mistake. But now I've heard enough to understand that he's also worried about me. There are things they're doing that I don't understand. I couldn't ï¬gure it out because my vision was already dark. I don't know how long I've been unconscious, but I woke up to hear Kuya and if I'm not mistaken, he was talking to the Doctor. I moved slightly. My body felt heavy, as if something was weighing me down. I was still dizzy, so I chose not to move for now. I also felt like I had a fever and an oxygen mask was attached to me. Why do I have this? I didn't have one before. "It's your fault. You're still smart. Are you a Doctor?" The Doctor said angrily. "Shut up Claudia." Kuya replied. "She had an anxiety attack and you just want me to sit back and shut up? Come on Angelo, maybe you want to reduce your cruelty ." "You don't understand. She needs to worry. How will she deal with problems if she keeps running away?" He defended himself. "Don't make that kid like you. She'll learn in her own way." "And when is that? When everything is too late?" "Why are you in a hurry?" "Things need to be rushed. Her Mom is in danger. Those people are turning her upside down so the case against her can move forward. If Jay-jay could remember, the case against them could continue." Mama? What case is it for her. Is that why Kuya is rushing me? For Mama. I don't understand what's going on. I don't know that Mama has a case, but about what? And who are those people Kuya is talking about? What really happened? A/N: just an explanation about anxiety attack, this case is quite sensitive for me so I feel like I need to explain. Hyperventilation can be experienced sometimes but people really feel different . Most cases are the discomfort a person feels due to an event. Followed by unexplainable feeling. Different, not the same. Jay-jay doesn't know that it was anxiety because of no proper awareness. And I also feel like I didn't justify that. If you knew to yourself that it could be anxiety or depression best to talk to an expert. To someone who knows and understands. Don't to someone who pretends to know.