Worlds Apart

What? I stared at her, confirming she was talking to me, and suddenly a cold sweat ran down my back. But who am I? I've survived life and death, and would I fail here, in this little pitfall? I tried my best to keep a straight face and said, "Nothing, just a tissue to wipe off sweat."

Clearly, this invigilator was in her middle age, perhaps dealing with some hormonal chaos. She didn't buy my excuse, continuing, "Take it out. If not, I'll have to kick you out of the exam room."

Could this really be it? Is this where I mess up? I didn't dare resist her, so I reluctantly handed over the "paper." She unfolded it and saw it was just a yellow piece with the character "口" written neatly with a brush. It wasn't the answer to any question, so she didn't make a fuss. I thought to myself, Alright, you've seen it, now give it back, you nasty woman.

But then she gave me a look that seemed way too smug and said, "What, trying to pass a note? Confiscated. If I catch you again, I'll consider it cheating and throw you out of the exam." She didn't give me a chance to explain, then swayed her hips back to the podium.

Her confiscation wasn't the worst part. I nearly pissed myself. This was it, the moment I slipped up. I stared blankly at the first question on my exam paper:

"Let M and N be sets of real numbers, and define a function f: M → N mapping element x in M to lg(1 + x²). What is the set of all elements in N that correspond to the element 1 in the function's image?"

What the hell is this? Is it a code? Since 8th grade, I've been sleeping through math class. Now, I'm in my senior year, and this looks like alien language to me.

I had reached the pinnacle of my misery. I felt like crying. My brain was completely blank. I sat there, dumbfounded, as the time ticked down. As the exam neared its end, I realized I had to do something. I grabbed my pen and filled in "C" for all the multiple-choice questions. After all, I've been at the bottom of my class for years, so I've developed a certain knack for this. The answer is often "C" — they always put the correct one there. I glanced at the two invigilators and, in the last two blanks, wrote "B." These answers were my tribute to the two middle-aged women.

This was based on my years of experience. If I got lucky, I might score about 23 or 24 out of 30 in the multiple-choice section. But that was probably all I'd score on this entire exam.

After math came English. By now, my mood had hit rock bottom. The listening section felt like some kind of incantation. Luckily, the multiple-choice section was long, giving me a chance to salvage something. As I filled in "C" for each answer, I recalled what Old Zhang had said this morning: "You've really given up, huh?"

I wanted to cry. Damn you, Old Zhang. You were right.

Then came Chinese, which was easier for me. After all, I'm Chinese, and it wasn't too hard to score over 40 if I just used my brain. I managed to finish the essay with a heavy heart, and handed in my paper.

The exams were finally over. I don't even know how I walked out of the exam room. The sunlight was blinding, the sky was a deep blue, and for some reason, it all felt surreal.

At lunch, the guys in the art room started chattering away, saying things like, "After three years, I finally made it," or, "The exam wasn't that bad after all." Meanwhile, I kept my head down, feeling like their words were daggers, each one stabbing me.

Du Feiyu, noticing my mood, seemed to understand something was off. She had finished her exams easily, but now she looked troubled too. Was she concerned about me? Or had she messed up as well?

We took the 5:00 pm train back to Longjiang. After dinner, we went back to the hotel to pack. I started spacing out. Could this really be the end of my future? No, that couldn't be true. With the scores from the major exams, I should still be able to get into a university in Harbin. I should be fine. As I listened to the sounds of my classmates celebrating their newfound freedom, I couldn't help but lose myself in thought.

At 5:20 pm, the train left. As it slowly rolled along, I realized the contrast in my emotions from when I first arrived. The train was moving at a leisurely pace. My classmates were playing cards, while Du Feiyu, annoyed by the noise, went to the next seat to rest. After a while, I found the noise unbearable and decided to find a quieter spot. I got up and sat by the window in an empty seat.

Looking out at the changing scenery, the sun had just set, casting a pink hue over the green trees and grass. The tranquility was a welcome contrast to the chaos in my mind. In that moment, I felt a deep sense of regret, like I wanted to scream at the sky, but lacked the courage. Though I had seen both life and death, in this world, I was just a small, insignificant person. I couldn't change anything. I understood now: human effort can never alter fate. Like this exam — everything had seemed perfect, but it all went wrong. Does this mean fate? What does the future hold? What should I do next?

As I stared into space, a soft, familiar voice suddenly spoke in my ear, "Why are you sitting here by yourself?"

This voice… it was so familiar! I remembered hearing it when I returned to life. It was Guan Yu! Wait… why is she talking to me? Did she… Did she come to comfort me? Am I still on the path back from the dead?

Frightened, I didn't dare turn around. I just nodded and trembled, "I… I'm not feeling well."

A graceful figure sat next to me. It was indeed Guan Yu. I breathed a sigh of relief. I must have been overthinking things. After all, I've been back for over a year.

Guan Yu was still as beautiful as ever, especially her eyes, big and slightly upturned at the corners, with an enchanting look. She must have thought I was sighing, so she asked, "Did you do badly on the exam?"

I nodded. It seemed her boyfriend wasn't in the same car. What was she doing here? Was she trying to comfort me? She smiled and gently patted my shoulder, saying, "Cui Zuofei, we were in the same class for three years in high school. I've always thought you were an interesting person. You were always so optimistic. Why does it seem like you've changed now, just because of a little trouble?"

I fell silent. Yes, it was her words that made me fall silent. I didn't know what to say. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Keep going. As long as you're still breathing, there's always hope."

Shouldn't that be my line? How does she know that? But hearing her say it lifted my spirits. I smiled bitterly and said, "How come you're sitting here with me? Aren't you worried your boyfriend will get jealous?"

Guan Yu, adjusting her shirt collar, replied, "Him? Who knows which car he's in, flirting with some girl. Why? Do you have something in mind?"

Maybe it was the stuffy air, but she unbuttoned one more button on her collar. From my angle, I could clearly see her collarbone. The small motion made me think back to that sultry moment on the path back from the dead. I swallowed and joked, "I'm afraid your boyfriend might beat me up."

She smiled and gave me a playful look. It was a look that was more than just a glance; it was the classic "look of love." Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

The conversation flowed, and it felt like we were getting closer. We chatted about random things, and before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, there was only half an hour left until we arrived home. I stretched and yawned, but then I noticed something strange — my left shoulder felt off.