First time crying

Liam

I have never cried in my whole life but I am now. I will never be able to see his face ever again. The tears streams down my cheeks, a feeling I have never felt. My head hangs low and my body is weak. I don't pay any attention until Alice comes...I don't wanna talk to her since what happened with Ash and she seems to understand that I don't wanna talk right now. She wraps her arm around my shoulder's and holds me close for a while.

Now I have none. I'm all alone in this world. I'm used to being surrounded by people. I like being alone but I don't like feeling this alone. It's like everyone has left me and I have no idea where to go. 

Alice holds me closer as I begin to sob, small sounds I didn't know a grown man like me could make. The sobs quiets down after a while and I pull away from Alice's embrace and stares into her beautiful eyes. 

"Thanks..." I manage to say, my voice shaky. 

She just smiles softly and nods before hugging me again.

....

When I got home that evening I for the first time stepped into my father's bedroom. It's adorned with black walls and black sheets. Almost everything is black. I open the warderobe that's filled with black and gray suits. I open one of fthe drawers and pull out one of his t-shirts. It smells just like him, rich manly perfume with a mix of something soft. I pull the t-shirt up to my nose and smells it, tears starts rolling down my cheeks. I lay down on the bed with the t-shirt tucked close to my nose so I can smell him. It's only been a few hours and I already miss him. I will never get to see him again, he was my father for God's sake! More and more tears roll down my cheeks and there I lay, in my dead father's bed, crying while holding his t-shirt. My whole life is ruined and it's not because of that stupid dare, it's because of my father's death. 

I don't know what to do or where to go. How am I going to handle all of this? I will probably have to drop out of school to take over the CEO position and do a lot of interviews and talk to the press and media. I will have to drop all of my dreams and focus on running the company and being the mafia boss of Black Lions. For a moment I think of taking my father's gun that's hidden in the nightstand drawer and kill myself but I know better than that. I won't do it becausee my father wouldn't want me to do it. I will probably take a few days off from school and fly to some island far away. 

The last thing I remember is the smell of my fathers t-shirt before falling asleep.