I Am the Final Boss, Not the Final Corpse!

I am the Demon King.

I command legions of darkness.

I weave fate like a masterful schemer.

I turn heroes into tragic footnotes.

So, can someone explain to me why I am currently free-falling through the sky with half my body on fire and the other half collapsing from internal bleeding?

---

Five Minutes Ago

Everything was going according to plan.

Cedric Brightblade, the so-called "Invincible Hero," was marching toward my castle.

He was about to walk straight into the biggest shitstorm of his life.

I had rigged fate itself to explode in his face.

The humans had launched a civil war.

A void horror had been unleashed.

Every cursed artifact in the castle was about to detonate.

And to top it all off, I was sipping wine on my throne, ready to watch it all unfold.

Everything was perfect.

---

The Hero's Luck stat is EX-level.

Which means he is protected by fate itself.

What I did not account for is that EX-Luck doesn't guarantee "good" things happen.

It just ensures the most chaotic and absurd result possible.

And guess who that chaos decided to screw over first?

Me.

It started when my warlock division misinterpreted my instructions and overcharged the cursed artifacts.

Instead of a controlled catastrophe, we got a full-blown magical detonation.

Which would have been fine—except that Cedric just happened to be standing at the exact right spot to absorb the entire explosion like a goddamn protagonist power-up.

I swear I heard a fanfare.

Now glowing with holy energy, Cedric swung his sword once.

Just once.

His blade did not hit me.

It did not touch my throne.

It did not even scratch my castle walls.

Instead, it ripped open space itself.

And through this glowing, swirling fissure in reality, I saw the last thing I ever expected.

A giant golden hand reached through the rift.

It was massive.

Bigger than my entire castle. Bigger than my kingdom.

It radiated so much divine energy that my entire body started burning just by looking at it.

And then

A voice.

A voice that shook the heavens and hells alike.

"DEMON KING! YOU HAVE ACCUMULATED TOO MUCH NEGATIVE KARMA. YOUR EXISTENCE IS HEREBY REVOKED."

What.

What.

WHAT.

I don't even get a trial?!

I did what any logical, strategic mastermind would do in this situation.

I ran.

I bolted out of my throne room so fast that my own shadow couldn't keep up.

The golden hand chased me, obliterating everything in its path.

Walls.

Legions of demons.

My secret wine stash.

I was losing everything.

And then it got worse.

Just as I was about to escape.

---

Remember that eldritch horror I unleashed earlier?

Yeah.

It had zero interest in the Hero.

Instead, it decided that I looked delicious.

The moment I tried to teleport away, a dozen shadowy tendrils burst from the ground and wrapped around my legs.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I screamed.

The giant divine hand was reaching down. The void horror was pulling me in.

I was about to be simultaneously erased from existence AND devoured by an eldritch god.

Cedric, in his infinite EX-Luck stupidity, tried to attack the golden hand.

With his holy sword.

Again.

And this time, the universe itself had had enough.

A second reality fissure tore open—

And I was sucked through it.

---

Present Time: I Am Falling to My Death

I am plummeting from the sky, miles away from my castle.

My left arm is broken.

My right leg is bent at a physically impossible angle.

I am covered in burns, void corruption, and divine backlash.

And I still don't know if I lost my virginity that night.

But I do know one thing.

I hate this world.

I barely manage to cast a teleportation spell before impact, but my injuries screw up the coordinates.

Instead of appearing in a safe location, I slam face-first into a cabbage cart.

There is a long silence.

Then—

A furious old man grabs me by the collar.

"You Bastard!" he screams. "Do you know how long it took me to grow those cabbages?!"

I open my mouth to respond.

Then pass out.

I wake up hours later.

Bandaged.

Weak.

Stripped of my demonic aura.

Lying in a human village.

And standing over me is a nun.

A kind-looking, innocent nun.

"Oh, you're awake!" she says cheerfully. "Welcome to the Holy Church's Healing Ward!"

I am going to die.