Chapter 8

Chapter 8

He smiled at me and said, "You look wonderful and I know that you will knock them dead."

I put my forehead against his chest and in a low voice said, "Zack, I am so nervous. Margaret was talking about some of the people here and it's like a Who's Who of the Math Field. I will be talking to some of the greats."

He laughed, "Well as far as I am concerned, you are the greatest of them all. And I am sure that you are prepared and hell, you know this stuff."

I stood back and said, "Do you think that you could sit in?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Margaret came over to us and told me that they were waiting for me and that she would be with me in a moment.

As I walked away with her assistant, Joan, I heard Zack ask, "Do you think that it would be a problem if I sat in..."

"Of course not. Please find yourself a seat and enjoy," Margaret answered.

Joan took me to the front of the conference hall and we waited until Margaret came. Then Margaret and I walked out and after welcoming everyone to the conference, she turned and said, "Now with the utmost pleasure I want to introduce Dr. Carol Williams, OSB. I am sure that you are all familiar with her work and will give her a warm welcome."

There was some applause as I approached the podium. I looked out into the audience and spied Zack sitting in the back of the hall. He was smiling at me. All of a sudden, I felt very comfortable out here.

I placed my note card on the top and started to speak. I don't use a lot of notes and I never read a speech. I write words on a card. The words let me know what a want to cover.

My father, who had been a trial attorney, told me that, people can always tell when you are reading something. It sounds stiff. You know what you want to say, just have the card to make sure that you cover everything and keep a sequence to your talk.

Once I started to talk and got over the initial case of nerves and it seemed to be going very smoothly. I was about half way through when a woman stood up and said, in a rather excited voice, "Do you mean...?"

She almost had it but not quite and I answered, "You're close but what I was saying is ..."

The woman gave a bit of a shriek and said, "Oh God, I see what you mean, you made it so clear..."

She then looked around and it was like she discovered where she was and in an embarrassed voice said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I just get so carried away sometimes, that I can't help myself."

I laughed and told her, "Don't worry, I know what you mean, I get the same way."

I then continued. I did glance over at Zack and saw that he was laughing and shaking his head. Once again, I felt good and comfortable.

I finished to a round of applause and then spent about a half an hour answering questions. Finally, there was some more polite applause and the hall began to empty. Margaret came over to me and thanked me saying that she couldn't have picked a better speaker to start the conference with,

As I came off the stage, Zack was waiting for me. He came over to me and gave me a slight hug, saying, "You were wonderful, everyone loved you. Let me tell you, I wouldn't want to be the guy who follows you. You set the bar so high that he is going to have to be an Olympic high jumper to even reach it."

I laughed and shook my head. "Zack, you are absolutely crazy."

He smiled and said, "You're right," and looking into my eyes "I'm crazy about you." This was the first time he said that to me and after all these years, I am still not tired of hearing it.

But, at the time I just laughed and said, "What am I going to do with you?"

He was still smiling and answered, "Love me?"

And for the first time in my life, my mouth beat my brain and I said, "Zack, do you really have to ask that?"

Then as I looked into his eyes, I realized that I would have said that no matter what. I think that I was falling in love with him.

He grabbed my hand and said, "Let's get some lunch."

We walked out of the hotel hand in hand and found a small diner with a salad bar. We ate light. I wasn't hungry, coming down from my adrenalin high and he was getting nervous about his talk.

I told him that he would be great, that he knew everything and it was something that he loved. "Don't worry, you will be great." I realized that I was doing what he had been doing for me, before I spoke. Once again I felt a warmth flow through my body. I really felt good.

We sat and talked and when it was time we went back to the hotel. As we walked into the lobby, the director of the symposium approached us and said, "Mr. Miller, I think that we should get ready."

Zack turned to me and said, "I'll see you soon?"

"Of course," I said. I wanted to add "My love," But I just couldn't."

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