Chapter 20: Cold appearance, the fragility of the little gangster

After sending Zhang Shasha home that day, she helped me deal with the impulse of adolescence as usual. After returning home, I had a messy dream at night. When I woke up in the morning, only Han Xiaoxue's figure remained in my mind. When I arrived at the school gate, I bought a cup of steaming soy milk on purpose, intending to use it as a "weapon" to apologize to the little gangster. After all, to deal with a woman, start by satisfying her appetite. If she eats what she likes, many things will be easy to deal with. The little gangster came earlier than me that day. I put down my schoolbag and said to her with a smile on my face: "Look, hot soy milk, bought specially for you. I'm really sorry for yesterday. I tossed and turned all night and felt very guilty." The little gangster seemed to be in a much better mood. She returned to her usual carefree appearance. Every time we quarreled, she would basically act like nothing happened the next day. She responded with a little disdain: "Look at your dark circles, and you said you didn't sleep well last night. I think you probably had a wet dream all night." As she said that, she snatched the soy milk from my hand.

I laughed and tried to smooth things over: "This is my good deskmate. You were so nagging yesterday, which is not like you at all. But don't worry, if you hit me again in the future, I promise not to fight back. I keep my word." When the little gangster heard what I said, the corners of her mouth slightly raised and she smiled sweetly at me. At that moment, I felt like I was hit by an electric current, and my heart was beating wildly. I muttered to myself, why is she flirting with me so early in the morning? I couldn't hold back and took the opportunity to take advantage of her. Her hand was holding the soy milk cup, so I reached out and covered it, holding the back of her hand, pretending to be silly and said, "It's really cold today, let me borrow your hand to warm it up." The little girl immediately shook my hand away and scolded, "Can you touch my hand casually? Besides, this soy milk belongs to me now, it's mine, don't touch it again." I was not willing to give up, and shamelessly stretched out my hand again, saying with a grin, "Why are you pretending to be shy with me? We know each other well." This time, the little girl didn't shake my hand away again. Holding her hand, my heart was instantly excited again. In this way, we found the previous way of getting along with each other. This week, the school gate was very lively again. It seemed that the students in the first and second grades had a conflict and the two sides started fighting again. Zhang Shasha, the little girl, Han Xiaoxue, and the girl with cigarette scars and I would run to the school gate every night to watch the excitement. During this time, I met several gangsters outside the school through Zhang Shasha's introduction. At that time, I basically knew all the gangsters who were popular in the school in the second and third grades. Although I was not particularly famous in the school, I was still popular. When I met the gangsters in the corridor, I could say hello to each other. In fact, I didn't like the little gangster girl and the other girls to get together, because they smoked when they got together, and they smoked very hard. At that time, I had quit smoking, so I didn't like girls smoking from the bottom of my heart. Zhang Shasha also smoked. She looked charming when she held a cigarette in her mouth. However, it might be because I saw her every day, the charm that made me feel moved at first has gradually faded. During that period, I vaguely felt that the little gangster girl seemed to have some interest in me. In school, many boys pursued her, but she didn't agree to any of them. Instead, she flirted with me every day in class. In the past, I took the initiative to flirt with her, but now it's good that we are flirting with each other. Moreover, I noticed that Han Xiaoxue looked at me in a strange way. Although she always looked attractive since the first time I met her, I really felt that she seemed to be interested in me this time. It is said that women have a keen sixth sense, but in fact, men also have their own sixth sense. In that era and at that age, many girls had this kind of mentality: when a boy has no partner, no one will pay special attention to him; but once he is in love with a beautiful woman, everyone will think that this boy is pretty good. I felt that I was trapped in such a situation.

At that time, I was a little disgusted with this feeling, so I deliberately kept a distance from the little gangster. However, I was not as cold to the little gangster as when I was in love with Zhang Shasha. As for Han Xiaoxue, every time I saw her, I couldn't ignore her. She seemed to have a kind of magic that made boys unable to refuse. After all, I was still young at that time, so I didn't know what loyalty was. Although I loved Zhang Shasha deeply, my feelings for Han Xiaoxue became stronger and stronger. I felt as if I was trapped in a whirlpool, a chaotic and complicated emotional world.

The end of the year is approaching, and the school and the class will hold a New Year party. At the school party, each class will have one or two programs. The little girl greeted the class monitor and said that she would be in charge of our class's program and she wanted to go on stage to sing. I only knew that she was good at running, but I never thought she could sing. The little girl usually likes to hum little songs in my ear, and we often hum together during class. I half-jokingly asked her, "Can you do it? Don't make a fool of yourself on stage." The little girl said with disdain, "I'm usually low-key, but once I open my mouth, I can definitely calm the whole audience." Then, she asked me, "Whose songs do you like to listen to the most?" I thought about it and answered, "Eva Chau, Richie Jen, Faye Wong, A-Mei, Beyond, Backstreet Boys, just these few." The little girl seemed a little impatient and asked, "What I asked is, who do you like to listen to the most? Just say one." I thought about it again and blurted out, "Fan Xiaoxuan!" The little girl looked puzzled and asked, "Why didn't you mention Fan Xiaoxuan just now?" I deliberately kept it a secret and said mysteriously, "Liking her is my little secret." The little girl said "Oh", and then ignored me thoughtfully. After school, a few of us gathered at the school gate as usual to kill time. In fact, I didn't want to pretend to be a gangster at the gate, just to accompany Zhang Shasha. Being a gangster at the school gate is like taking drugs, it's easy to get addicted. Zhang Shasha said to me: "We are going to have a New Year's party soon, did you know?" I said I knew. She continued: "I sang on the stage last year, did you know?" I said curiously: "I really didn't notice it." Zhang Shasha deliberately irritated me and said: "Yes, at that time you only had eyes for Xiaoxue and that annoying Gao Qi." I turned to ask Han Xiaoxue next to me: "You also sang on the stage last year?"

Han Xiaoxue replied: "Yes, our class had a chorus program last year, and your old lover Gao Qi and I went up to sing." I said: "How come I didn't notice any of them? You are all artistic talents." Zhang Shasha said: "This year our class has two programs, and I will go on stage to sing. Whose song do you like to listen to? This time you can choose." At that time, my brain was working fast, but I still said stupidly: "Fan Xiaoxuan!" As soon as I said it, I regretted it, and a strong premonition came to my heart. Han Xiaoxue next to me also joined in the fun: "This year I will also go on stage to sing." I interrupted her immediately before she finished her words. I was really afraid that she would also say that she wanted to sing Fan Xiaoxuan's song, which would make me so embarrassed. I said: "Don't, what's the point of you all singing? You should go on stage to perform crosstalk. It's a pity for this beautiful face if you, the school beauty, don't go on stage to show your talents." Han Xiaoxue smiled and said: "You want to accompany me to perform crosstalk? Crosstalk can't be performed by one person." I said: "It's a pity that I don't have much sense of humor, I'm not good at speaking, and I'm slow to react. The most important thing is that I'm stage fright." I then teased her: "If you don't sing, let's go on stage to dance. I've seen your figure. You can definitely charm all the boys in the school." As soon as I finished speaking, I realized that I said the wrong thing. Zhang Shasha immediately pointed at me and said in surprise: "Oh, oh, oh, you have also seen my Xiaoxue's figure? When did you see it? How come I don't know anything about it?" Han Xiaoxue smiled and said to me: "I would have forgotten it if you didn't mention it, Shasha, he used to peek at me changing clothes, this guy is a big pervert, you have to be careful." I secretly complained in my heart, hum, what's there to be careful about, I have already got what I wanted with Shasha.

We chatted casually like this, and soon we went our separate ways. In the evening, snowflakes fell from the sky, and I sat in the room listening to the radio. Suddenly, a thought flashed through my mind, wouldn't the little gangster want to sing "Snowman"? This is too coincidental, our party is held on Christmas Day, December 25, and the class's own party is on December 30.

I thought to myself, I might have thought too much, she just asked me whose songs I like to listen to. Thinking of this, my mood improved a lot. What songs will Zhang Shasha sing? Forget it, never mind them, let these girls do whatever they want, I am so popular in school now, I feel happy just thinking about it. I was happily recalling the happy time in school, and fell asleep unknowingly. The next day, there was a thick layer of snow on the road, I went to school wearing my worn-out sneakers, I didn't want to wear my new Li Ning shoes, I was afraid to get them wet. The sneakers were very slippery, I fell two or three times on the way to the station, and my gloves were broken.