Haruto And No Plan

Haruto lay motionless on the floor.

He was done. Absolutely, completely, cosmically done.

His body refused to move. His mind refused to function.

He had tried everything.

Escaping. Fighting back. Reasoning. Even breaking reality itself.

Nothing worked.

Because no matter what he did, the same outcome always awaited him.

His unwanted harem.

Each one an overpowered menace, and each one absolutely ruining his life.

Haruto closed his eyes and let his thoughts spiral into the abyss.

---

Lilia. The self-proclaimed wife.

The instigator of all his suffering.

She was smiling before he even met her, probably planning their wedding before he knew her name.

Always teasing, always affectionate, never backing down.

No matter what he did, she refused to acknowledge reality.

"Oh my~! My dear husband is just shy~! Don't worry, I'll wait forever~!"

She never left.

She always found him.

She would never give up.

Haruto internally screamed.

---

Vellaria. The Goddess of Order.

A literal deity, reduced to his personal tormentor.

She had taken his bed. She had invaded his privacy.

She had declared that watching him was now her divine purpose.

She spoke only in logic. No emotion, no empathy, just cold, unyielding calculations.

"The probability of your escape is absolute zero."

He had glitched out of existence itself.

She still found him.

She is the surveillance.

Haruto wanted to cry.

---

Sylphiel. The manipulative Elf Queen.

Unlike the others, she was polite. Elegant. Soft-spoken.

Which made her even worse.

She never demanded anything. She never chased him.

She simply arranged things.

The last time he let his guard down, she had already filed royal marriage documents on his behalf.

"Oh? The Elven Council has unanimously approved Haruto as my consort? What a surprise."

It was always like this.

A kingdom ready for his rule. A coronation planned without his consent.

Haruto felt sick.

---

Fel. The greedy catgirl thief.

She didn't care about power. She didn't care about love.

She just liked stealing.

She just liked being around him.

Because his suffering always led to loot.

"Oh, look, another assassination attempt. That means another unconscious noble to rob!"

She was terrifyingly good at it.

Haruto had lost count of how many times she had stolen his wallet while he was holding it.

Sometimes he suspected she didn't even want him—she just wanted to keep looting him forever.

Which was somehow worse.

---

Emilia. The tsundere princess.

She hated him.

She wanted nothing to do with him.

And yet.

And yet.

She was still here.

She was still following him.

She still got involved in every single catastrophe, sighing, rolling her eyes, and acting like he was the biggest disappointment in existence.

But for someone who hated him so much—she sure spent a lot of time being part of his damn harem.

Haruto was too tired to scream.

---

Claire. The guild receptionist from hell.

Haruto knew deep down that she was the only normal woman in his life.

And yet.

She still enjoyed his suffering.

She still enabled it.

She still watched every disaster unfold with a smirk.

She was the only one who didn't chase him…

But that just meant she had front-row seats to his misery.

Haruto despaired.

---

And then.

There was Emberis.

The Dragon Empress.

The battle-crazed warrior queen who could destroy mountains with a punch.

The one woman who didn't care about his politics, his fate, or his power.

Because she only cared about fighting him.

"You survived a Goddess' smite? That makes you worthy. Fight me, Haruto!"

She had no interest in ruling with him.

She had no interest in romance.

She only wanted battle.

And unfortunately, in her mind, that made him the perfect mate.

"I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT YOU, EMBERIS!"

"You say that, yet you still live! As long as you breathe, I will challenge you!"

Haruto was going to die from stress.

---

And that wasn't even counting the rest of the world.

The commoners thought he was a holy figure.

The knights thought he was an unstoppable warrior.

The church had declared him some kind of divine messenger.

And the Demon Army still technically considered him their rightful ruler.

HOW DID HIS LIFE BECOME THIS?!

---

Haruto opened his eyes.

He was still lying on the floor.

Lilia was smiling down at him.

Vellaria was watching unblinking.

Sylphiel was sipping tea.

Fel was probably stealing his wallet again.

Emilia was judging him.

Claire was enjoying the show.

And Emberis? She was cracking her knuckles, grinning.

"Still breathing, I see. That means you're still strong enough to fight."

Haruto closed his eyes again.

Maybe if he just stayed here long enough, reality itself would get bored and delete him properly this time.