System Syroches
In a world where Brooches of Power dictate the fate of warriors, kingdoms, and even gods, the battle for ultimate control rages on. Some brooches bring light, others spread darkness—but one stands above them all: the Sheem Brooch.
A child lost to a storm. A war spanning generations. A destiny bound to magic.
When Bastin Terris is swept away by a great flood, he awakens in a world torn apart by legendary warriors, celestial beings, and corrupted magic. The brooch his father left him is no ordinary relic—it holds the key to a forgotten legacy, one that both heroes and tyrants seek to control.
But power comes at a price.
Lunéviel Noctis and Zahir-Shamranuddin-Ahfzek—two of the world’s most feared wielders—will stop at nothing to claim the Last Brooch. As Bastin grows, so does the war, drawing him into a conflict that threatens to consume the realms. Angels and demons. Titans and traitors. Warriors and gods.
Will he rise as the wielder of the Sheem Brooch, or fall into the abyss of fate?
The battle has begun. The Last Brooch must not fall into the wrong hands.
Kiddo, why you had a thought to discard it! This is so fine.. If you had asked me then I would had helped you and this could be a masterpiece by 2022 only! [img=update]
Writing, I gave 4 because something looks off, you the feel is not coming try seeking inspiration from webnovels like the Supre Magus or Shadow Slave, etc. Updating Stability I gave 5, it is good 9 chapters in 4 days is nice speed, keep it up, but don't burn out. Story Development, I gave 4 because there can be more smoother transitions between scene changes and could add more detailed accounts of events. Character Design, again 4 because you have developed each side character's traits, behavior and overall design from the starting moment they landed in the story, but for the main character, you had made it so confusing. Initially he was much innocent and childish and that makes sense for a three year old but from chapter 4 he sounds like an adult and in case of Drengvar, he is more like a 3 year old but still he too, at the point when Noctis manipulates him, that point really doesn't make much sense dialogue transition got wasted. World Background also 4 Brooch system and Historic content is nice but naming of areas their culture "Byzantine" Is something standing off and we still don't know what's the purpose of having brooches? They are most likely for helping others as I see, but still it needs to be clarified which we expect later in the story at least. You have a lot of facilities given by webnovel app, you may try using the "Auxiliary Chapters And Volumes" For sharing extra information to clarify all these doubts and then to develop a fanbase. Overall, your work is fantastic and decent but still needs some improvements, that I have mentioned. Thank You.
@Aechauhan, one thing I would like to mention, it's likely that this story is going to be viral, but you are capable enough to do so, for me, the story is going out well, and as Ms. Kannojia mentioned, English could be enhanced, and the story could be more lively, all the way it's good but still it can be more hooking than it currently is.
Well, it's childish.. But somehow not too bad... I wonder if you could be actually engaged with it.. You can do even better.... Keep trying!
You've got both nerve and potential! Keep on writing¡ and this work can serve as your ♤ Ace! Unlike others,I don't have much to say because I'm satisfied!
Yup it is childish! But maybe it's too early to judge, but I feel like the story will grow into a boring piece, you still have time you can work and come up with a better story, as the story is in its beginning stage I give it at least a 3 star because there are chances for both upliftment and failure
Overall, your grammatical structures has to be enhanced, and substance wise you need a lot of improvement, that was it for constructive criticism. And, lastly the author can do better, your updating stability it decent... Having an average of 2 chapters per day is awesome beginning...
A good idea and writing style write more chapters on a daily basis.