Somewhere I May Belong

The monotony of day-to-day life gradually wore away the last bit of stubbornness inside me. I became numb, as if this was the only way to stop myself from reminiscing about the dreams I once had and the painful past. I told myself that perhaps this kind of life was exactly what I needed, as it distanced me from the complexity and struggles of the past and made me simpler. However, deep inside, there was always a voice reminding me that the true me had not disappeared.

Sometimes, in the afternoon sunlight, I would walk alone to a corner of the campus, sit quietly, and watch the busy students around me. The noise and clamor seemed unrelated to me; I became an outsider, observing this life, feeling a sense of indescribable loneliness. I began to reflect: Why had my state of mind changed so much? Why had the things I once loved become so unfamiliar? Had I changed, or had my past pursuits simply ceased to fit me?

These questions felt like a heavy stone, pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. I tried to fill the emptiness in my heart through conversations with classmates or by exploring new hobbies, but every time night fell, loneliness would surge over me like a tide. I told myself that I was living an ordinary life now, learning to enjoy these simple moments, but deep down, I knew that all this was just temporary calm, hiding the anxiety that no one could see.

Every time I opened my textbooks and tried to focus on studying, fragments of the past would flash through my mind—James Bennett's smile, the successes and failures of the investment project, those unfulfilled dreams, and past regrets. It felt as if everything was reminding me that I couldn't let go completely. No one knew what I had once longed for, how I had given up everything for a fleeting sense of satisfaction.

Now, I stand at a crossroads, facing a seemingly peaceful yet uncertain future. I'm no longer sure of my goals. Maybe life is just meant to be this quiet, without passion or pursuit. I don't dare to imagine whether there will be a day to start anew—a beginning filled with challenges and hope.

But some things seem like they'll never leave. Like that old poster that occasionally flashes in my memory, reminding me of the dreams I once had, reminding me of the path I thought I had given up on.

I take a deep breath, close the book, lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and try to forget the obsession buried deep in my heart. But I know this won't be the end. Perhaps, one day, I will again stand at that familiar crossroads, deciding whether to chase after the dreams I once gave up on.

But for now, all the doubts and uncertainties still shadow me, lurking deep within. Can I find my direction again? Will I ever reignite the passion and drive I once had? These questions remain unanswered, for now.