The Beginning

I see Bus Girl in front of me, yelling, crying. I wonder why she's acting this way. She's been sitting next to me, talking to me, walking with me, and now she's crying and yelling at me. She never even told me her name. It makes no sense.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you crying and yelling at me? I don't recall ever hurting you."

I told her, trying to keep my voice steady, but I can't shake the confusion. I've always kept my distance. Why is she acting like this now?

Her chest tightened at his words. Is he serious? He doesn't recall ever hurting me? How could he say that? Every glance he avoided, every time he acted like I didn't exist—it felt like a slap. She tried to steady her breathing, but the frustration boiled over.

"You tried to jump! What is wrong with you! I just saved you and that's what you say to me?!" Her voice shook with anger as tears spilled down her cheeks. She hated crying in front of him, but the words just tumbled out. Why can't he see how much this hurts? How much I care?

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap like that."

I apologize, but her tears are making me uncomfortable. This isn't how I usually deal with things. She's crying—how am I supposed to respond? It's easier for me to just keep quiet, but somehow, I can't.

"You're my friend," she says between sobs. "You're my friend, Noah. Please, talk to me."

Friend. I freeze. She's calling me her friend, but I don't recall ever being hers. This is news to me, and my mind just can't process it.

She watched him stiffen, and her heart sank. He doesn't see me as a friend, does he? The realization hit harder than she expected, and she fought to keep her voice steady.

"Why do you look so surprised with what I said?" She asked, her voice more forceful now. She could feel the hurt bubbling up again.

I blinked, caught off guard. "You think we're friends?" I never thought about her like that. Was I supposed to? Is that why she's upset? I open my mouth to say something more, but nothing comes out. I want to convey what I feel, but what?

She stares at me, her face flushed with disbelief. She's hurt, and I can see it clearly now. Her voice cracks slightly, and it catches me off guard.

"Wait, so all this time I talk to you, sit next to you, go to college with you, but you never saw me as your friend?" How could he not see me as a friend? Her thoughts raced. I've been trying so hard to reach him, to show him that he's not alone. Was I that invisible to him? She bit her lip, struggling to keep the tears at bay.

I hadn't realized how much my indifference had affected her. I hadn't thought it through. To me, it was easier to just ignore it all, keep my distance, but hearing her now... I can't deny the impact my coldness had.

I feel my chest tighten as the weight of her words sinks in.

"I never thought of you like that,"

I admit, almost to myself more than to her.

"I didn't realize you cared so much. Besides, how could I think we're friends when you never even told me your name?"

Her breath caught. My name? That's what he's fixated on? She looked away, trying to steady herself. I wanted him to know me, to see me for who I am, but maybe I should've told him more... made it clearer.

"You have a point,"

she said softly.

"I never did introduced myself properly. I thought you'd know who I was already."

She hesitated, then added,

"Besides, I already knew about you."

I try to wrap my head around her words, but it's too much to take in all at once. I never expected her to say any of this. It wasn't like I was actively avoiding her. I just... didn't know what else to do.

She stares at me like she's waiting for something. I know what she's thinking—I can see it in her eyes. But I can't make sense of it. Was she really trying to be my friend all along?

"Oh, well, I don't know about you. I thought it was clear for you since I always avoided eye contact with you and gave short replies... and why do you bother knowing about me? Have you been stalking me or something? What's the point of wanting to be friends with me?"

I say it before I can stop myself. The words are out before I can consider how they'll sound. It's harsh, and I can feel the regret settling in immediately.

She flinched, his words cutting deeper than she expected. Stalking? Is that what he thinks of me? After all this, he still doesn't understand... She clenched her fists, her frustration bubbling over.

"You think I'm stalking you?" she said, the sharpness in her voice barely masking the pain. "I'm just trying to be your friend, Noah. I never cared about your past—I care about you now."

Her voice softened as she looked into his eyes, searching for some sign that he understood. "I thought you were just awkward because you kept your distance! How am I supposed to know that you don't know me when you never even said 'hi' to me? And no! I haven't been stalking you!"

Her voice cracks with frustration, and for a moment, I wonder if she's right. Maybe I never tried to understand her because I was too caught up in my own fears. But hearing her now, my defenses start to crumble. She doesn't care about the past. She just wants to be there for me, even when I didn't ask for it.

"You don't even know that the whole campus still talks about you, do you? But the reason why I want to be your friend isn't because of your past. It's because you look like you need one. You're all alone, Noah. I can see it. I just want to help."

As she yells, her tears fall again, and I feel more guilty than before. My words hurt her, and I can see how badly it's affecting her. I start to regret everything, but just as I'm about to apologize, she cuts me off.

"Don't apologize," she says, her hand raised in front of my face. She looks at me with determination. "You've got that guilty look on your face. You're about to apologize again, but don't. I'll forgive you, but only if you'll start seeing me as your friend."

Friendship... I'm scared. I've built walls around myself for so long, but now, they feel fragile, ready to crumble under her gaze.

I swallow hard and take a shaky breath. "Okay. We're friends." A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it.

Am I making a mistake? What if I come to regret this? I'm rushing, but I want to take this step. I hold in the urge to cry and look at her and say my words once more, and this time without the cracking voice.

"We're friends."

She looks at me with tears in her eyes as if she knew of the confliction that was swirling in my head. I feel bad for making her cry, I don't like making people cry because of me like this. But as if she knew of that feeling too, she suddenly laps her arms around me and starts hugging me. As she pulled me into the hug, I froze at first, but then the warmth of her embrace seeped through, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying—not because of the pain, but because I was finally allowing myself to feel something other than fear and isolation. I sobbed like a little boy that had lost his kite on a really windy day.

After we finally part from each other and dry our tears, she speaks up

"I'm Emma, I'm looking forward to our friendship."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too."

For some reason, she's just glaring at me now.

"What?" I inquired.

"Your name! You're supposed to act like I don't know it too! That way it would really be the start of a proper friendship." She refuted.

"You're right… My name is Noah, I'm looking forward to our friendship too."