Cold promise
I couldn't fall asleep. At 3 a.m., I picked up my phone and typed: Where are you?
There was no reply. Every time my screen lit up, I grabbed my phone only to find no message from Chak.
Is he even thinking of me? Or did he forget the promise he made so easily?
Toward morning, I finally dozed off.
I woke up at 6:00 and saw a message from Chak:
When you wake up, come to the office. I already had breakfast.
I read the message over and over.
No good morning, no sorry... nothing. Just cold instructions.
A faint sadness crept into me.
Is that all I am to him now? An assistant? A shadow he barely sees?
I got up from the couch, picked up the pillow that had fallen to the floor, and folded the blanket. I went to the kitchen and made myself breakfast.
As I ate, my thoughts were only on Chak.
Last night he promised... But maybe promises mean nothing to him.
When I arrived at work, no one else was there yet. I went to Pim's desk to drop off my bag. I noticed the door to Chak's office was open, so I walked up, gently knocked, and entered.
Chak looked tired. He was wearing a white shirt and a black tie, sitting on the couch reading some documents.
"Good morning," I greeted him, quietly.
He looked up and said, "When you get the chance, take the clothes from the closet and bring them home to wash."
"Okay," I replied softly.
He didn't even say good morning. It was like he didn't know me.
"I finished the documents for LF Lab last night," I said in a low voice.
"Good," he replied coldly.
"Show me what you've done," Chak said.
I went to get my laptop, opened it, and sat down next to him. He looked through it, then closed it and glanced at me.
"You did well," he said. "You look tired."
"So do you," I answered, avoiding his eyes.
I turned away. I could feel his gaze on me. I stood up, picked up my laptop, and went to the kitchen to get coffee. Then I started working. One by one, the coworkers started arriving.
Just before ten, as I was heading to the kitchen to bring Chak his coffee, Vikran arrived. He was cheerful. He walked up to me and said,
"Bring me coffee to the boss's office."
"Right away," I replied, watching him stride into Chak's office like he owned the place.
Why does he act like he belongs there? And why does Chak let him?
I couldn't help it jealousy washed over me.
When I walked into Chak's office with the coffees, I saw them both sitting on the couch, and there was a smile on Chak's face.
And for a second, my heart dropped.
He smiled…
And I remembered last night
How I waited.
How I searched for him in my sleep.
And now, here he was smiling with someone else.
He didn't smile when he saw me this morning. Not once.
I nearly turned to leave, but Vikran called after me.
"Niran, is Chak free for lunch today?"
I turned back and looked at Chak. He gave a small, almost invisible shake of his head.
"He's not," I replied. "He has a business lunch."
"Thanks," Vikran said.
Chak smiled at him and added,
"I don't have much time for lunch today… but we'll go another time."
I shot Chak a sharp look. He handed me a folder and said,
"File these documents."
"Okay," I replied.
As he handed me the folder, our fingers brushed slightly under the papers but Chak quickly adjusted the documents, making sure Vikran didn't notice.
I nodded faintly to them both and walked out.
As I was organizing the documents into folders, a small white note slipped out from the second-to-last file.
11:30 by the car, it read.
A smile crept onto my face.
I peeled the note off the document and tucked it into my pocket.
Is this his way of saying sorry?
About an hour later, Vikran came out of Chak's office and walked over to me.
"When Chak has time for lunch, let me know," he said.
"I'll let you know," I replied with a polite smile though in my head, I said never.
After he left, I went to Chak's office.
He was sitting behind his desk, working.
"I'm just here to grab your clothes," I said quietly.
I opened the closet and found the shirt, blazer, and pants he had worn yesterday. I took them out and placed them into my bag.
It was 11:30, so I headed out toward his car.
I waited for a few minutes until he arrived.
He unlocked the door, and we drove home in silence.
Why won't he say anything? Is this guilt? Or indifference?
When we got home, I took his clothes to the laundry room. As I sorted through them, I noticed a white T-shirt that didn't belong to him. It wasn't mine either.
It smelled like someone else.
With the shirt in hand, I walked over to Chak.
He was sitting on the couch, reading a book.
"Whose shirt is this?" I asked.
"It's not yours, and it's not mine either."
Chak let out a deep sigh.
"It's from him, isn't it?" I continued quietly, even though I already knew the answer. "From Vikran."
He looked away, then slowly nodded.
"It is," he admitted softly.
It felt like something pressed down on my chest.
"You spent the night at his place, didn't you?" I said bluntly, though my voice trembled slightly.
Chak flinched, then looked at me seriously.
"Vikran just lent me the shirt. I don't know why you're so upset," he said in a steady tone.
His words were calm, but inside me, the pain was gnawing.
"I'm upset because I waited for you, Chak," I said, my voice tired and hurt. "You said you'd be back soon. But you don't came."
I could barely hold back the tears. Every breath felt like it carried a sharp edge.
I threw the shirt back onto the couch.
"I waited… and you were with him," I murmured and turned away.
Without saying another word, I walked into my room. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, eyes shut tight.
Why does it hurt even though I knew? Why do I still hope he'll show me he cares?