Measuring a Summer’s Day

It was a stupid decision and she knew it. The whole interaction was filled with grievances she wanted to rid herself of, but nothing ever goes her way. She doesn't even know what led her to walk into the duke's office and ask for the most idiotic idea she had ever uttered with her mouth.

She couldn't have believed that the duke would grant her her wish or even consider it at all. Penelope knew that she owed the duke many things as he had raised her from many years of her life; it was likely he would want something in exchange for her freedom. He wouldn't have allowed her to leave without having her repay, the clothes he placed on her back, the meals he wasted on her nor the money that she wasted from him.

Of course the duke would not let her leave the dukedom without serving him in some way. She was a valuable asset for marriage at her age, he would most likely sell her off as a political pawn. That would be the best way to repay him for everything he has given her.

Penelope made a stupid decision and she was beginning to regret it now.

It all started after the necklace incident eight years ago and, by some horrible play of fate, worsened when Yvonne Eckhart returned to the manor. It has been almost two years since Yvonne appeared in her debutant banquet, in all of her glory. The banquet didn't continue for long nor was it postponed, it was the last thing on the duke's mind as he held his daughter carefully in his arms.

Yvonne appeared and Penelope did not even try to get along with her. It was as if Yvonne automatically hated her before they even met. Penelope did not try to act friendly nor with a feigned familiarity she always used with the duke's sons. They two butted heads often and Penelope hated her even more with every passing day. Yvonne was the obvious victor when it came to their small interactions, she was simply too strong.

In Penelope's complete defense, Yvonne was equally as annoying and problematic as her brother. Penelope couldn't protect herself against one Reynold, let alone two.

She felt a great itch on her left arm and just wanted to claw it out to not bother with it anymore. It was better to start at the root than to watch the tree rot.

Penelope arrived in her room, rushed to her bathroom, didn't bother to greet the maids and began to quickly undress herself. The maids all began to leave the bathroom before she could direct a word to them. Penelope could only scoff as they scurried away, she wondered what prank they were playing on giving her today.

Inserting only one foot into the bathtub, Penelope realized why they were so quiet. The bath water was freezing cold, probably cold enough to leave Penelope bedridden with a cold for days. With that clear warning in mind, Penelope decided to lower herself into the water, letting a shaky gasp out.

In hindsight, Penelope didn't have many survival skills. Rotten food by the people who cook your food, plain death injections by the people that are supposed to raise you and many more horrible things. Penelope was sure that a bath with freezing cold water was not going to do anymore harm than good.

The emotions of anger and sadness that always followed each other closely, weren't present anymore. Penelope believes they've mellowed down with time when in reality, she is ignoring them.

They've come to collect a debt but Penelope won't let them in. She already feels weak enough as she is and she knows she can't let her emotions get the best of her anymore. They've never made her the victor in any argument, she can't trust them.

Penelope came out of her bath, wrapped in a bathrobe and a towel on her head. She came into her room where dinner awaited. The presentation of the food was extremely beautiful and appetizing but Penelope did not dare to spare it another glance.

She already feels as if her stomach was weighing too heavy on her. Any more weight will only cause her to throw it out and she did not want to about the disgusting feeling of having the food come back out from her mouth.

She raised her hand and signaled for Emily to take the food away.

"Take it away, I'm not hungry. Leave at once and return tomorrow in the morning."

Emily didn't even bother to encourage her master to eat, she didn't care at all if Penelope were to drop dead from starvation. At least, that is what Penelope believes which really isn't that far from the truth.

"Your tea is ready, I will come tomorrow in the morning for the tray. Goodnight, my lady."

Penelope waited until Emily left to sit on her bed and sigh. It was only a couple of hours before midnight but she would remain awake for the next four hours, five at most.

Nights always became unbearable when her questions or pleads would go unanswered and such occasions were many. Now Penelope stands pacing back and forth, grabbing things left and right to simply be aware of her surroundings. Penelope felt the need to concentrate on anything other than her thoughts.

When you are alone by yourself, you can't trust your brain and Penelope's brain has never been kind to her.

It all began earlier that day, Penelope was feeling restless, there was an itch at the back of her neck and this was the third time she reached back to scratch. She hadn't realized but she was fortunate that her hair was let down as the back of her neck shined a scarlet red from how much she had scratched.

The day had started as any other, sunny skies with no clouds and an annoying Reynold and Yvonne being at her every turn. It felt almost suffocating. Penelope didn't think it would be possible living in a huge mansion and seeing the same two people every damned day. Penelope feels as if those two are waiting for her at every turn.

Unlike popular opinion, these two were not her biggest concern. Penelope found the fact that she was encouraging herself to ask for something impossible, concerning. That was currently her current worry that she hoped wouldn't become her demise too soon.

Unlike many of her days, she had woken up this particular day with the need to leave. Her body is running on only lunch and dinner has already passed, but she doesn't want to really blame it on the lack of food.

She felt the blood in her veins was pumping even faster than usual and the sound was likely driving her into insanity because she was currently standing in front of her father's office wanting to ask if she could turn around and leave his home.

The thought itself was maddening, there would be nothing out there for her if he allowed her to leave. Yet, the voice over her shoulder continued to speak in a hushed tone that Penelope could not even hear but Penelope felt it was encouragement she heard even though she could not hear anything at all.

Looking over her shoulder there was no one and yet she didn't think she was already crazy enough.

The thoughts were blurring her mind and she doesn't remember clearly when the guard nodded and went inside to speak to the duke about her presence outside his office. Nor when the guards opened the doors to allow her inside, surely because the duke accepted her presence.

The duke sat on his desk and did not stare or even greet her when she came into the room.

Slow steps carrying an invisible weight she did not know off. The guards behind her closing the doors gave her the privacy she needed. She was already more than happy that Derrick was not in the room as he would normally be.

Penelope cleared her throat and finally spoke up, "your grace, can we talk?"

The duke did not raise his head and continued to do whatever he was doing but he did acknowledge her.

"What is the matter, Penelope?"

"I think I should go..."

The duke made a sound bordering a scoff, "go? You wish to retire to your room without even addressing what you came here for?"

Penelope's gaze turned to the ground because suddenly the simple design of the carpet had become more interesting than looking at the duke in hopes that he would return her gaze.

"No," she began, "not to my room, your grace."

"Then where exactly must you go?"

The carpet was blue with a few tinges of gold and yellow which Penelope didn't think fit in such a soulless office at all. It looks misplaced even, somehow astonishing Penelope. Enough to start speaking without much worry anymore.

"My debutant was two years ago and I've yet to find a marriage partner and I'm sure you find me unfit for marriage. I was thinking that perhaps it is time for me to leave the dukedom," she says. "In any case, leaving the manor won't be too difficult, or at least I think.."

Penelope wasn't exactly sure.

Penelope turned to the duke because she wonders if he also thinks that the carpet is misplaced in this exact room and is somehow surprised that the duke is staring at her with wide eyes.

"What?"

Her gaze began to look behind him or to the papers in his desk to distract herself from the burning of his gaze, it wasn't particularly a good thing to have him stare at her with some horror etched on his features.

"I, I don't think remaining here can do any more harm to you because of my reputation—"

"What are you talking about!?"

"There is no need to keep a replacement around anymore, your daughter has returned home now, I mustn't linger around anymore. I'm sure it must feel bothersome to others..."

"What, what are you talking about!?" The duke had stood up and he was staring at Penelope with shock, "replacement...? What are you even saying!?"

Penelope knows that it would have been hard. She poses as a pawn for the Eckhart's and was raised to be used as one and yet she really considered leaving as a plea when the duke would clearly forbid it.

"I forbid you from leaving the manor!"

Were the words that Penelope was expecting but perhaps if she tried harder she would make him understand.

"But, but your grace—"

But really, when had the duke tried to understand Penelope at all even when she begged as a child and hid as an adult. She had lost before even playing, because the duke would never in his right mind agree with her.

Penelope didn't even have a convincing argument other than wanting to leave. She wasn't even in a hurry which made her realize that the sudden start of an argument was not needed at all. Coming to the duke's office wasn't even necessary because she doesn't really want to leave. Penelope likes to think that she has enough guts to leave if she really wanted to.

He began to scream and the itchiness had somehow reached her back and the only thing she actually did want to do now, was to take her clothes off. Though she does not really remember clearly if he was screaming but she does remember quickly apologizing and running out of the office in hopes of reaching her room to take everything she could off.

Penelope can hope as much as she wants for change or for perhaps something that will help her but nothing good has ever happened to her in the twenty years of her life. She sometimes thinks that death would be kinder because the living are certainly not.