Chapter 31: Hashira Training… For Saitama?!

Saitama's snoring echoed through the forest, his head resting against a mossy rock as if he had nothing to worry about in the world. The Hashira gathered in a semi-circle around him, whispering furiously.

"This guy is dangerous," Sanemi grumbled, glaring down at the bald man. "If we don't figure out what he is, we might end up extinct before demons are!"

"He doesn't seem bad," Tanjiro offered, though his voice was hesitant. "But… his strength… it's unnatural."

"More unnatural than demons," Shinobu added with a wry smile. "I've never seen someone break physics with a slap before."

Rengoku placed his hands on his hips. "The only way to understand his power… is to train him!"

"Train him?" Mitsuri's eyes sparkled. "Like, Hashira training? That sounds fun!"

"No, no, no." Sanemi shook his head furiously. "He doesn't need training. We need training just to understand him!"

Tengen adjusted his headband. "How about this? We all test him with our strongest techniques. If he survives, he passes. If he fights back—"

"We die," Zenitsu finished, trembling. "I'm too young to be punched into space!"

Muichiro, still half-dazed from earlier, simply shrugged. "Might as well try. I want to see how far my Mist Breathing can go against him."

As they whispered and plotted, Saitama sat up, rubbing his eyes. "You guys are noisy."

"Ah, perfect timing!" Rengoku beamed. "Saitama, we decided! You will undergo official Hashira training!"

"...Huh?"

"For the next three days, each of us will train you in our Breathing Styles," Shinobu added sweetly. "It will help us… understand your 'unique' combat style."

"And if you survive our techniques, you'll officially be recognized as… uh… Demon Slayer Bald Hero Saitama!" Mitsuri clapped excitedly.

Saitama blinked. "Wait, I don't really need—"

"Day one starts now!" Rengoku roared, flames bursting around him. "Flame Breathing, First Form!"

Saitama barely had time to stand before a blazing slash shot toward him. He sidestepped lazily, the heat singeing the grass beside him.

"Wow, flashy," Saitama said, looking genuinely impressed. "That's kinda cool."

"Then face the full force of my flame!" Rengoku charged forward, his sword a blur of fire.

Saitama held out one hand.

CLANG.

The sword stopped mid-air, pinched between Saitama's thumb and forefinger.

"Neat trick," Saitama said. "But maybe don't aim it at my face next time."

The Hashira all froze.

"Rengoku's full charge… stopped with two fingers," Sanemi whispered, veins bulging in disbelief.

Rengoku's smile faltered only for a second before it returned, bigger than ever. "Extraordinary! Your hand strength is incredible!"

"Eh, it's just from carrying groceries." Saitama let go, and Rengoku stumbled back.

"Fine," Sanemi stepped forward, wind swirling around him. "Let's see how you handle this—Wind Breathing, Fifth Form!"

Blades of compressed air slashed through the clearing, slicing through trees and stones. Saitama stepped back, dodging them with casual, almost lazy movements, like someone avoiding puddles after rain.

"Are you even trying?" Sanemi barked.

"Do I need to?" Saitama blinked.

Sanemi's sword shook in his grip.

Next came Tengen, bombastic and loud. "Let me add some flair—Sound Breathing, Fourth Form!"

Explosive slashes rang out like fireworks, echoing through the mountains.

Saitama caught one of the thrown kunai mid-air, glanced at it, and tossed it back gently. It embedded itself into the exact spot it was thrown from, without even scratching Tengen.

"You're really good at wasting time," Saitama said, sitting back down.

The Hashira collapsed into a huddle, whispering furiously again.

"He's not human."

"He's not even trying."

"Maybe he's a secret upper moon pretending to be human?"

"No demon would be that bald."

Before they could come to a conclusion, Saitama yawned loudly. "Are we done? I still haven't found a hot spring."

"Wait, no!" Mitsuri skipped forward. "You haven't tried my Love Breathing yet!"

"I don't think that's—"

But Mitsuri was already mid-spin, her ribbon-like sword slicing through the air in heart-shaped arcs.

Saitama raised a hand, gently stopping the blade between two fingers again.

"You're all very creative," he said. "But I really don't need training."

"But training is tradition!" Rengoku shouted.

"It's how we grow closer as warriors!" Mitsuri added.

"And it's the only way we can survive being around you," Zenitsu muttered from behind a tree.

Saitama sighed. "Fine. One day. But after that, I'm leaving if there's no hot spring."

The Hashira cheered — except Sanemi, who just groaned.

Thus began the most pointless training arc in Demon Slayer history — where the students had absolutely no chance of teaching the 'trainee' anything.

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End of Chapter 31