(Narrator: Miyuki Hoshino)
I have seen many things in my life. Some good, some bad. But nothing—nothing—could have prepared me for the absolute disaster that is Hikaru Sano's "work process."
To be clear, work is a very generous term.
"Are you writing or summoning a demon?" I ask, peering over his shoulder. His screen is still blank, aside from a single, lonely sentence:
"The wind howled through the night."
…That's it. That's all he's got.
Hikaru, however, doesn't seem fazed. He leans back, stretching with the confidence of a man who just wrote the next literary masterpiece. "It's all about the process, Miyuki. You can't rush genius."
I gesture at the screen. "Genius is currently homeless and begging for spare change."
He frowns. "It's called pacing."
"It's called procrastination."
(Narrator switch: Hikaru Sano)
Look, I get it. From an outsider's perspective, it probably looks like I'm doing absolutely nothing. But what Miyuki doesn't understand is that thinking is part of writing. You can't just force creativity. You have to let the ideas marinate, grow, evolve—
"Are you watching cat videos?"
I slam my laptop shut. "No."
Miyuki crosses her arms. "I literally just saw the reflection of a fluffy orange cat on your screen."
I sigh dramatically. "Fine. Yes. But in my defense, the cat was very relatable. He looked just as unmotivated as me."
Miyuki pinches the bridge of her nose like she's trying to physically restrain herself from strangling me. "Do you actually want to finish this manuscript or should I start preparing your obituary?"
I pause. "If it's the second option, can you make it sound cool? Something like, 'He died tragically while crafting a masterpiece, leaving behind a legacy of untold brilliance.'"
She stares at me. "How about, 'He died as he lived—doing absolutely nothing.'"
Ouch.
(Narrator switch: Miyuki Hoshino)
Watching Hikaru "write" is like watching a turtle try to win a race by napping at the starting line. At this rate, I'll be retired before he finishes a chapter.
I take a deep breath. Patience, Miyuki. He's your boss. Violence is not the answer.
"Okay," I say, clapping my hands together. "New strategy. You're going to write. Right now. No distractions."
Hikaru groans. "Miyuki, you can't just force creativity."
"You also can't pay rent with vibes."
He opens his mouth to argue but then stops, realization dawning in his eyes. I can actually see the moment he remembers that money is a thing he needs to live.
"...Damn it."
And just like that, Hikaru Sano finally starts typing.