The weight of loneliness

The alarm's shrill buzzing jolted Lui Feng awake. He groaned, rubbing his eyes before lazily reaching for his phone. 7:03 AM.No messages. No missed calls. Just another morning.

He chuckled dryly. Four years in Japan, and not a single person to say good morning.

With a sigh, he sat up, his blanket slipping off his shoulders. The cold air bit at his skin, seeping through the cracks in the old apartment walls. He had lived here for years, but the place never felt like home. The heater barely worked, the ceiling had water stains from a leak that the landlord never bothered to fix, and the air always smelled faintly of damp tatami and cigarette smoke from his neighbor.

Dragging himself to his feet, he shuffled to the kitchen and filled the kettle with just enough water for instant coffee. He was running low—again. Not that it mattered. Coffee or not, today would be the same as every other.

As he sipped the bitter drink, he glanced around the room. His futon lay crumpled in the corner. A small desk sat by the window, cluttered with empty noodle cups and unopened bills. His work uniform hung on the back of a chair, wrinkled but passable.

Lui sighed, pulling the shirt over his head. The fabric smelled like cheap detergent and the faintest trace of sweat. He stared at himself in the mirror by the door. Dark circles under his eyes, hair slightly unkempt, expression blank.

He looked just as tired as he felt.

Grabbing his bag, he stepped outside.

The air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of rain from the night before. He passed his neighbor, a middle-aged man in a tank top smoking a cigarette by the railing. The man barely glanced at him before exhaling a long stream of smoke.

Same as always.

The streets were alive with the morning rush. Office workers in pressed suits, students in clean uniforms, young couples laughing as they walked hand in hand. Lui kept his head down, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the train station.

He had never felt more out of place.

The train was packed, bodies pressed against each other in stiff silence. Someone elbowed him in the ribs, but when he turned, the man didn't even acknowledge him.

Lui exhaled slowly. "invisible" That's what he was here.

By the time he reached the store, the usual fluorescent lighting buzzed overhead, casting everything in a sickly glow. The place smelled of cheap bread and cleaning detergent.

Kenji, his coworker, barely looked up from his phone as Lui walked in. "You're late."

Lui checked the clock. --7:59 AM--.Right on time. He didn't bother arguing.

The morning dragged on in a blur of restocking shelves, scanning items, and forcing himself to say **"Arigatou gozaimasu"** over and over to people who barely looked at him.

Then came lunchtime.

That was when they always showed up.

A group of high school boys walked in, their laughter sharp and mocking before they even reached the counter. Lui felt his stomach tighten.

"Look who it is," one of them snickered. "Still working here, huh?"

Lui kept his face blank, scanning their drinks and sandwiches. "That'll be 1,200 yen."

One of the boys, taller than the rest, leaned against the counter. Hey, China boy, don't you ever think about going home? Japan's too tough for you, isn't it?"

Lui's hands tightened around the register. He said nothing.

They did this often. Knocking things off shelves when he was stocking them. Kicking the back of his legs when he passed by. Tripping him when the manager wasn't looking.

But what could he do? If he fought back, he'd be the one in trouble.

The boy snatched his change from Lui's hand, smirking. "See you around, loser."

Lui exhaled as they left, the tension in his shoulders slowly easing.

Four years of this. Four years of swallowing his pride.

That night, after his shift, he walked home under the dim glow of streetlights. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. He had rent to pay. Food could wait.

As he unlocked his apartment door, the silence inside was deafening. He tossed his bag onto the floor and collapsed onto his futon, staring up at the ceiling.

A bitter laugh escaped him, as he continued his work.

The day went by and night fell, Lui who was exhausted from the days work fell asleep immediately.

Lui woke up to the sound of his stomach growling.

He lay still for a moment, staring at the cracked ceiling. His body felt heavy, like it was sinking into the thin futon beneath him. He should get up. Should find something to eat, even if it was just leftover rice from two nights ago.

But what was the point?

Nothing about today would be different.

Eventually, the cold creeping through the walls forced him to move. He pushed himself upright, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before reaching for his phone. 6:47 AM. No messages. Not that he expected any.

With a sigh, he pulled on his uniform and grabbed his bag, heading out into the freezing morning air. The streets were already alive—businessmen marching toward their offices, students chatting as they walked to school, convenience store lights flickering against the pale dawn sky.

Lui kept his head down.

At the train station, he squeezed into the packed carriage, pressed between a salaryman watching the news on his phone and a teenage girl scrolling through social media. The train lurched forward, and for a brief moment, he imagined stepping off at a different stop. Walking a different path.

But where would he even go?

By the time he reached the store, Kenji was already there, leaning against the counter with his usual look of boredom. He barely glanced at Lui as he tied his apron.

"Stock the shelves," Kenji muttered.

Lui didn't bother responding.

The morning passed in a blur of routine ....stacking cup noodles, restocking drinks, sweeping the floor. Customers came and went, barely acknowledging his existence.

Then, just before lunch, the door swung open, and 'they'walked in.

The same high school boys from yesterday. The same cocky grins.

Lui tensed.

"Yo, China boy," the tall one called out as they made their way to the counter. "Still here, huh?"

Lui didn't respond. He just started scanning their items.

The shorter one smirked. "Man, working at a konbini for this long? That's rough. No promotion? No future? Damn."

Lui kept his face blank. He'd heard it all before.

But today, the tall one decided to take it further.

As Lui handed back their change, the boy suddenly knocked the coins out of his hand, sending them clattering to the floor.

Lui froze.

A heavy silence settled over the store.

The boy smirked. "Oops. Looks like you dropped something."

Kenji was pretending not to notice, eyes glued to his phone. The customers in the store glanced over but quickly looked away.

Because that's how it was. No one wanted to get involved.

Lui clenched his fists.

(Don't react. Don't give them what they want)

He slowly crouched down, picking up the scattered coins. His fingers trembled slightly as he gathered them, his pride stinging worse than the cold floor beneath him.

The boys laughed as they strolled out of the store, shoving past an older woman coming in.

Lui exhaled slowly, forcing himself to stand.

Kenji finally spoke. "Damn, man. That's tough."

Lui shot him a look. Kenji just shrugged.

"What? You think I'm gonna step in and get my ass kicked?" He snorted. "Welcome to Japan."

Lui said nothing. He just turned away and went back to work.

But the knot in his chest didn't loosen.

That night, as Lui walked home, the cold air felt sharper than usual. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his mind replaying the scene over and over.

He hated this.

Not just the bullying. Not just the silence of those around him.

He hated himself for letting it happen. For always swallowing his pride, for never saying anything, for accepting that this was just how things were.

As he reached his apartment, he paused at the door, staring at the rusted handle.

His fingers tightened into fists.

No.

He wasn't going to spend another year like this.

Something had to change.

And this time, he wasn't just going to wait for it to happen.