Chapter 268 - Added Pain

Keifer's POV

I'm going crazy. I don't know if I can take this much longer.

"Seriously? Do you intend to consume all the alcohol in your Mini bar?"

I didn't bother myself to look. I know it's Honey.

"You don't mind if I use it. I have a lot to buy." I said and took a sip from my glass.

This is the only way I can keep up with what I did. I feel like every time I don't talk to her, my heart is being pulled out of my body. I need to be numb.

"Whatever. Your girlfriend hasn't come in for two days. And she still doesn't plan on coming in now."

I knew this might happen. It's my fault. She seems to have lost the desire to study because of what happened.

Even our classmates have lost the will to answer my call.

Rory is the first person I tried to call but he's not answering his phone. I did the same to others, but they always hung up or didn't answer my calls.

Yuri and Ci-N are the only one who answered my call but they only say one thing. They keep asking what my problem is. I couldn't answer them so I just hung up.

"What are you planning? Are you going back to London?" honey asked me.

I shook my head. "Not yet."

I'm not yet strong enough.

I haven't even fixed my anger management issue yet. That's the first thing I should fix before anything else.

But with so many problems accompanying me now, I'm confused about what I should prioritize.

"Hey Keifer... I'm the one who's having a hard time with what you're doing."

"You don't have to stay here if you can't stand seeing me like this."

She laughed a little causing me to look at her. She's starting to annoy me.

"You said you will be strong enough to protect your family and those you love. But here you are looking more miserable than your girl." She arch a brow. "...now tell me how this drank man in front of me can save his family and love ones."

I dropped the glass I was holding.

She's right.

Sometimes what this girl says makes sense. I thought she was just art and tact. How can I fight and protect Jay-jay and my brothers if I look miserable.

I chuckled in disbelief. I actually pushed her away to make myself better and to make sure she was safe. I have other things to do than just sit here and drink.

"You also have sense to talk to, don't you?" I said and drank remaining wine in the glass.

"We've been together for a long time but you just realized it now?"

I dropped the glass and stood up. I faced her and slightly smiled.

"I realized a long time ago that you have no brain."

I immediately passed her after saying that. I know she will get angry and just kick me out. After leaving the hangar, I immediately looked for a maid.

Most of them are avoiding me. Because they know that I don't like many people around me. What's worse is that I don't know their names. I only know the Head Housemaid and Butler.

I don't want to call them because they are the same age. They should rest. Once I turn 18, I will get the whole custody of Keiren and Keigan from them so they can finally have their retirement vacation. I named the fake last will that I made to get custody of my siblings from my Monster Father after them.

I am very grateful to them.

I just kept searching, until I saw one of them vacuuming the carpeted floor.

"Hey..." I called her.

She shut down the vacuum and look at me.

"Sir?"

"Can I ask you a favor? Make me something to eat. I want everything ready after I take a shower."

She nodded. "Yes Sir. I'll take care of it."

I turned my back on her and walked to my room. I took a shower to get rid of the effects of too much alcohol on my body. I must have drunk enough to numb the pain.

I quickly got dressed afterwards. I also grab my hoody. I intend to go jogging after eating. I considered it as a warm up for my day.

I went to Dining where the food was ready.

The Maid was pouring juice into the glass when I sat down.

"Eat, sir." Said the Maid.

"Thank you-hmm... what is your name?" I asked.

I just remembered that I still don't know her name. "Cass Sandra Eugenio. Choose Cass or Sandra." She answered me smiling.

I force a smile. "Sandra, Again, thank you for this."

"Welcome Sir."

She has this jolly attitude and I can't help remembering Jay-jay. I hope to see her happy again. Because of what I did, it may never happen again.

I chose not to think about it. I can't go on if I always focus on 'what if'. I have to stop imagining things about our situation. It's clearly not helping my mind to keep up.

I force myself to eat. Honestly, my stomach doesn't accept food. This is the result of my drinking for a few days.

After eating I stood up and put on the hoodie. I also attached my headset and pocketed the phone. I was beside myself while walking out of the house.

I still looked at the sky. I feel like I haven't been out for a long time, even though it was only two days ago when I last went out.

I'm getting weirder everyday.

I did my planned jogging. I keep running in a slow pace while trying to pick up my thoughts. It works because somehow I can think of things to do.

Arriving at the park I stopped. I'm also far away from home. I probably didn't even notice because of the depth of my thoughts.

I choose to rest for a while. I sat down on a bench first. I took my phone out of my pocket and check for any message. There is one from Honey but it's not that important.

I chose to go back to jogging. I'm about to leave when I saw someone wearing an HVIS uniform. My heart beat so fast. I haven't seen her face yet but I know who she is.

Dammit Jay-jay!

I badly want to see you but I'm afraid that I won't let you go once I hold your hand. It's like I'm going to eat all the patience I've done.

I can't do my plan. I need to control myself every time she's around like this. I haven't even started a plan yet but everything will be perfected.

I put my headset back on and adjusted my hoodie. I jogged out of the park. Deadly malice and pretending not to have seen her. Even in truth, my feet don't want to step.

It didn't take a long time before I feel someone following me. I already have a clue on who it was.

Don't follow me! Please...

If she doesn't stop, I might not be able to stop anymore. Everything will be destroyed.

I sped up jogging in a way that she wouldn't notice. She is still following or it is more correct to say that they are. It was the last time I noticed that I was close to home. I have no choice but to face them. I stopped and caught my breath. I also removed my headset and put it in my pocket.

"Next time you'll follow me make sure I don't notice you." I said without looking at them.

I did not hear any answer from them. I want to leave and keep walking. I don't want to face it.

I'm afraid

But if I don't face her now, maybe the next time we meet I won't be able to control myself.

I slowly turned around and faced them. And that's when I proved that it's really hard to stand up for what I'm doing.

My feelings that I numbed with alcohol softened again

I can see her

My Jay-jay...

"What do you want?" I ask them.

"W-what..." She started and I almost run to hug her. "B-because... M-maybe..."

She didn't finish what she had to say when Percy suddenly walked and entered my house. My jaw dropped in amusement.

"Hey!" I shouted and followed him.

This guy is fine too. Not because we were friends before he have the right to do whatever he wanted to do. Especially entering someone else's house.

My house to be exact.

I guess he didn't think that I could sue him for trespassing he did it.

"I'm going to CR!" He answered and quickly ran inside the house.

I stopped in the garage. I washed my face in Percy's annoyance. Why didn't he leave the thickness of his face in the pit? Why does he have to carry it until now?

I can feel Jay-jay's presence not too far away from me. Percy stole my attention so we didn't finish the conversation.

But I don't have any plans to finish it yet. I need to come up with another plan. I have to stick with my first plan which is pushing Jay-Jay away from me. It's the only way to save her from me and my stupid cousin Clyde.

But I have nothing after that.

"When your stepbrother comes out, you can leave." I said calmly and about to walk away.

"Keifer!" She called me. My knee almost melted hearing her shouting my name. "...I-I just want to know something."

Why do I have this feeling? My instinct is telling me to stay and listen but my mind is shouting at me telling me to tum my back and leave.

Without any hesitation, I choose to stay. I don't exactly know why. Maybe because I want to stare at her for a while. Maybe because I miss her too much I want to enjoy the little moment that we have.

"What is it?"

"I-I just want to know..." She took a deep breath. "...despite what you did. Did you love me?"

FUCK, I DO!

And I didn't just love you because I love you so much! ❤️

I wanted to shout that and hug her. I really want to but I can't do it. Everything I started will be destroyed and I will start again from nothing.

When I do the same, I know she will find a way to help me. I don't want to harm her.

I laugh bitterly. I know I'm about to give both of us another pain. I can't stand to see you hurt but I have no choice.

She bite her lower lips. I saw her shaking a bit. Maybe she's scared to hear my answer.

I'm thinking twice if I should continue but if I don't do it. How will she stop? Maybe she'll just keep asking me how I feel. And then, I will be forced to tell the truth.

Damn this what ifs and possibilities!

"You followed me to ask that?" I force a laugh. "...I can't believe this."

I shook my head while smiling like a lunatic. I don't know if I'm good with acting but I'm trying my best.

"Let me guess... You expected that I may have developed feelings for you while I was cheating on you?"

I know it's a yes. Don't worry Jay, because you are right. I had feelings for you without realizing it. The next thing I know I'm fooling myself and not you.

I keep denying things between my feelings and my revenge. I try to believe that it's impossible even though it really happened.

I almost laugh with my own stupidity. I face Jay-jay and look at her. I can already see pain.

"What a damn!" I added and laugh. "...This is not a tv series or movie. Falling for you or realizing that I love you in the middle of my revenge will never happen."

She gasp a bit. I know I'm hurting her so bad. This is another reason to hate me.

"That's how good I act. I believe you!" I still smiled and laughed.

I walked slowly toward her. She seems uncomfortable.

I'm sorry Jay-jay. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say and to do!

"So you don't get your hopes up, let me make it clear to you." I stopped in front of her. "...I will never fall for you. You are just a stupid-little-shit to me just like your brother Aries."

Her tears started to fall. She even tries to stop it but obviously failed. Seeing her like this are breaking me into pieces. I want to fuck myself I'm holding back too much.

Your're a fucking evil Keifer!

I can't believe that I put up with her like this. But I have to continue.

I smirked at her. "If you had just given me on New Year's, you probably would have known the truth sooner. If you had only given yourself, the plan would have ended." I crossed my arms and looked at her from head to toe. "...What a shame that half of Section E would have won the bet."

Fuck! I slipped!

I shouldn't have mentioned that thing. I'm just adding to her resentment towards our friends. She should come to them after I leave, how is it now?

She was shocked from what she heard. Obviously she still doesn't know anything.

Right! The bet!

I smile widely.

"Come to think of it... The bet isn't over yet." I hug her from her waste. "...Why don't we continue what was interrupted in the New Year?"

Being close to her like this makes me want to kiss her. I badly want to taste her lips but not like this.

Everytime I kiss her before I make sure she feels my love for her. But now, she have to feel the pain.

I held her by the jaw. She closed her eyes in pain.

"L-let me go." She begs.

Just kill me after this!

"I know you want it."

I crashed my lips to her. It's a deep kiss that makes her feel disrespect. The kind of kiss that showing my dominance. I can feel her tears running down through her cheeks.

I want to stop but I can't.

Stop me please...

And she did. It's like she heard my mind. She pushed me with all her might. I got away from her but what I didn't expect was what she did next.

She punched my jaw. I immediately felt dizzy and couldn't stop myself from falling. I haven't recovered yet when I feel that she is on top of me and then she punches me again.

She continued to punch me while her tears continued to fall. I deserved this. I deserved every punch from her. Keep punching me if that will help you ease the pain.

Every blow I received from her hurt but I chose not to give up. I'm starting to feel the blood from my nose and taste it from my mouth. I thought she really intended to crush my face but she stopped.

She stopped and looked at me. For some reason she cries again but this time with so much pain.

I didn't take my eyes off of her either. I can't take it away even though I can clearly see how she is crushed by the pain. I want to touch her cheek and wipe her tears. I want to apologize and take back everything I said. I want to hug her tight and very tight and I won't let her go.

But can't...

I can't stop the blockage in my throat. I am crushed every time I think about our situation. She needs to disappear from me. She needs to be hurt.

Must... Must...

I couldn't hold back my tears especially when I saw her staring at me. It's like she's really feeling the pain she's carrying. You have to do that... I know what exactly you feel.

She suddenly left from the surface. I slowly sat up. My face is wet with blood and her tears. And is now mixed with my tears

I wipe my face using my hand. I don't want her to see me suffer. She shouldn't know.

She looks at me badly that I know is pure pain. I'm hurt too and I hope I can handle it like you do Jay-jay.

She started to walked away from me but she stop before she reach the house gate.

"Stick it on a rock, also on your forehead and on the dog's butt! Karma will come back to you! Pervert!" She sighs heavily. "...And when that happens! I'll be the first to laugh right there at your face!"

She immediately ran out. I want to laugh because of what she said. Karma paid me back a long time ago and it was a good karma.

"Jay-jay!" It was Percy. "What did you do Keifer?"

I looked at him threateningly. "Protect Jay-jay. When something bad happens to her. I will kill you and it will be for real."

He didn't answer and quickly followed Jay-jay. I really hope Percy will protect her.

I must have been sitting and looking stupid for a few minutes. What happened went back and forth in my mind.

I fucking don't understand. Why does it have to happen to us? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to hurt her? Why... Why can't we be normal students?

I held my face as my tears started to fall. I can't seem to do it anymore. I'm having a hard time. I really want to take back what I said and did.

I DON'T WANT ANYMORE! I can't live without Jay-jay in my life. I need her badly.

I tried to stand even though my face and head were covered in pain.

"Keifer! What happened?" Honey shouted while running towards me.

"I have to follow Jay-jay. I have to talk to her." I said while trying my best to walk.

Honey stopped me and helped me to stand up.

"Your wounds need to be treated! Who hurt you?"

She tries to bring me inside the house but my body is walking the opposite side.

"Jay-jay... I-I can't lose her!"

"Can you hear yourself? I thought you would fix the situation first?"

I no longer care about my situation. Jay-jay is the only thing that matters to me.

"M- my Jay-jay...My Jay-."

I couldn't finish what I was going to say because the darkness completely enveloped my vision.