Chapter 6: Pirates, Poor Planning, and Probably More Bananas

A Bad Idea in the Making

Max rubbed his temples, staring at the smirking reptilian shopkeeper, Baylor.

"So let me get this straight," Max said, already regretting everything. "You want me to steal from actual space pirates… in exchange for a device that stops bounty hunters from tracking me?"

Baylor grinned. "Yep. Simple job."

Max crossed his arms. "Nothing about this is simple."

Baylor shrugged. "Fair, but you're out of money, and I'm your best option."

Max sighed. "Why do all my choices suck?"

B.O.B. beeped. "Because you make poor life decisions."

Max groaned. "Bob. Shut up."

Baylor chuckled and pulled up a holographic map. "The Crimson Corsairs have a small hideout floating just outside Velbraxis-9's security zone. They stole a data drive from me—get it back, and the Scrambler Chip is yours."

Max exhaled. "Fine. But if I die, I'm haunting you."

Baylor smirked. "Deal."

---

Step One: Get to the Pirate Hideout Without Dying

Max boarded the SS Quantum Disaster, still mentally preparing himself for what was definitely a terrible idea.

"B.O.B., set a course for the pirate hideout."

"Acknowledged. Engaging stealth approach."

Max's stomach flipped as the ship glided through space, approaching what looked like an old, rusted battleship floating in a debris field.

The pirates had slapped a holographic skull and crossbones onto the side, which felt both dramatic and unnecessary.

Max adjusted his jacket. "Okay. Plan?"

B.O.B. beeped. "I suggest not getting shot."

Max sighed. "Wow. Amazing strategy. Totally wouldn't have thought of that."

"You're welcome."

The ship's autopilot slowed as they reached the hideout's docking port.

Max took a deep breath. "Alright. Let's get this over with."

---

Step Two: Infiltration (aka: Just Walk In and Hope for the Best)

The pirate base smelled like burnt metal, spilled drinks, and questionable life choices.

The air was thick with shouting, laughter, and the occasional explosion, as dozens of pirates—a mix of aliens, cyborgs, and at least one guy who was just a floating brain in a jar—drank, gambled, and argued over what counted as "acceptable space crime."

Max slipped through the crowd, doing his best not to look like a guy who was about to steal from them.

The plan was simple:

1. Find the stolen data drive.

2. Grab it.

3. Run like hell.

Easy, right?

Wrong.

Because that's when the pirate leader entered the room.

---

Step Three: Don't Get Noticed by the Giant Murder Lizard (Who Immediately Notices You)

A massive, cybernetic lizard-man stomped into the room. His glowing red eye scanned the crowd as he cracked his knuckles.

The room fell silent.

Max swallowed hard.

That guy was definitely in charge.

The lizard-man smirked, his voice booming across the hideout. "ALRIGHT, YOU SCUM-SUCKING MORONS—WHO STOLE MY SPACERUM?!"

Max exhaled. Not my problem.

Then the pirate leader locked eyes with him.

Max stiffened.

The pirate narrowed his gaze. "Who the hell are you?"

Max's brain short-circuited. "Uh… I'm… new?"

Silence.

Then the pirate grinned. "New, huh? Prove it."

Max blinked. "Prove… what?"

The pirate clapped him on the back, nearly knocking his lungs out. "If you're new, you gotta pass the initiation test!"

Max forced a smile. "Haha… right. The, uh… the test."

Oh no.

---

Step Four: Survive the 'Test' (Whatever It Is)

The pirates cheered as Max was dragged into a central ring.

A massive, metal wheel of fortune stood at the center, with various challenges written on it in glowing letters.

Max read the options:

Fight the Angry Robot Dog

Drink the Mystery Goo

Punch Yourself (Seriously?!)

The Airlock Challenge (What?!)

Eat the Fire Pepper

Max swallowed. "This… is not going to end well."

The pirate leader spun the wheel.

The pirates chanted. "SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!"

Max held his breath as the wheel slowed down… and stopped on—

"EAT THE FIRE PEPPER."

Max sighed. "Could've been worse."

Then someone threw him a tiny, red pepper that was literally ON FIRE.

Max stared. "Uh. This seems unsafe."

The pirate leader laughed. "It's only dangerous if you're weak!"

Max reluctantly popped the flaming pepper into his mouth.

There was a pause.

Then—

EVERYTHING BECAME FIRE.

Max's soul left his body.

His tongue felt like it had been dipped in the sun. His lungs considered quitting. His brain started playing the game over sound from old arcade machines.

The pirates cheered.

Max screamed.

Then, without thinking, he activated his System.

[RANDOM POWER UNLOCKED: CRYO BREATH]

Max exhaled instinctively—and a blast of freezing air shot from his mouth, instantly extinguishing the fire pepper.

The room fell silent.

The pirate leader stared. "You got ice breath?"

Max panted, still recovering. "Uh… yeah?"

The pirate leader grinned. "THAT'S AWESOME!"

The pirates roared in approval.

Someone patted him on the back. Someone else shoved a drink in his hand. Someone in the back yelled, "DO THE ICE BREATH AGAIN!"

Max forced a smile. "Haha… yeah! But first, uh… where do you guys keep the stolen loot?"

The pirate leader slung an arm around him. "Lemme show ya!"

Max grinned.

Step Five: Pretend You're One of Them… and Then Steal Their Stuff.