Chapter 7: Stealing from Pirates (Because That’s Always a Good Idea)
Step One: Don't Look Suspicious (Which Is Impossible for Max)
Max followed the massive cyber-lizard pirate, trying to act totally natural.
The pirate leader—who had introduced himself as Captain Zargoth Bonecrusher (yes, really)—was grinning as he led Max down a dimly lit corridor.
"Man, I love it when we get new recruits!" Zargoth said, slapping Max on the back hard enough to nearly dislocate his spine.
Max coughed. "Haha… yeah. Happy to be here."
Which was a total lie, because he was definitely about to rob them.
---
Step Two: Locate the Stolen Data Drive
The storage room was massive, filled with crates, weapons, and random junk the pirates had stolen over the years.
Zargoth grinned, gesturing proudly. "Welcome to the Loot Vault! You see anything you like?"
Max's eyes darted around, searching for the data drive Baylor wanted.
He spotted a small, metal case with a glowing blue lock on a shelf near the back.
Bingo.
Max casually nodded. "Wow, so much… uh… impressive stuff."
Zargoth chuckled. "Hell yeah! I mean, some of it's cursed, but hey—that's part of the fun!"
Max froze. "Wait. Cursed?!"
Zargoth waved him off. "Eh, just some old artifacts. Worst case? You get haunted."
Max stared. I swear, this universe is actively trying to kill me.
He needed to grab the drive and get the hell out before someone figured out he was definitely not a pirate.
---
Step Three: Steal the Data Drive Without Getting Caught (Which Is Impossible for Max)
Max inched toward the metal case, reaching out very, very carefully.
Then—
"HEY! WHO TOUCHED MY STUFF?!"
Max froze.
A massive, four-armed alien stormed into the vault. He had tattoos all over his scaly skin and a laser axe strapped to his back. His glowing yellow eyes locked onto Max.
Max slowly pulled his hand back. "Uh… I was just admiring it?"
The alien growled. "That's MY loot, newbie!"
Max gulped. "Oh. Right. Of course."
Zargoth laughed. "Ah, relax, Krag! The new guy was just looking!"
Krag glared. "Nobody touches my loot."
Max nodded rapidly. "Totally. Won't happen again."
Okay. New plan.
1. Don't touch the case.
2. Wait until no one's looking.
3. Touch the case anyway.
Max stepped back, pretending to admire a random golden skull on the shelf.
"Hey, uh… what's this?"
Zargoth grinned. "Oh, that? That's the Cursed Skull of Norz'gath!"
Max raised an eyebrow. "Cursed, huh? What does it do?"
Zargoth shrugged. "Nobody knows! But one guy touched it and immediately exploded."
Max very gently put it back. "Cool. Love that."
---
Step Four: Distraction Time
Max needed a diversion.
And, unfortunately, his System seemed to have terrible comedic timing because—
[RANDOM POWER UNLOCKED: IRRESISTIBLE DANCE MOVES]
Max stared at the notification.
Oh no.
His body twitched involuntarily. His feet started tapping. His hips started moving.
Captain Zargoth frowned. "Uh… dude, what are you doing?"
Max tried to fight it, but—
It was too late.
Max busted out into a full-blown, unstoppable dance routine.
His arms flared dramatically. His legs spun in ways that should've been illegal. His hips swayed with the force of a thousand disco legends.
The pirates stared.
Then—
"HOLY CRAP, HE'S AMAZING!"
The entire room erupted into cheers.
"LOOK AT THOSE MOVES!"
"NEW GUY CAN DANCE!"
"PLAY SOME MUSIC!"
Someone hit a button on the wall, and suddenly alien techno music blasted through the speakers.
Zargoth laughed. "NEW GUY'S GOT STYLE!"
Max internally screamed.
But—this was his chance.
As the pirates clapped and cheered, Max did a quick spin, grabbed the stolen data drive, and slipped it into his jacket.
Mission success!
Now he just had to get the hell out of here.
---
Step Five: Escape (Because Max Always Screws Up Eventually)
Max danced his way toward the exit, trying to play it cool.
"Alright, I should probably get back to my ship—"
Zargoth grabbed his shoulder.
"Not so fast, buddy! You just earned yourself a shot at the Grand Pirate Dance-Off!"
Max blinked. "The what now?"
Zargoth grinned. "It's tradition!"
Max forced a smile. Oh no.