The Horcrux Heist
Oh, this is going to be glorious.
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Year Six at Hogwarts was supposed to be all about Horcruxes.
Dumbledore was meant to:
Train Harry to defeat Voldemort.
Track down and destroy Horcruxes.
Die dramatically on the Astronomy Tower.
It was supposed to be tragic.
So, naturally…
I stole every Horcrux before the school year even started.
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Step One: Raid Voldemort's Storage Units
Voldemort hid his Horcruxes all over the place.
A cursed diary? Already gone.
A fancy locket? Mine now.
A cup in Bellatrix's vault? Yoink.
A ring hidden in the Gaunt shack? Snatched.
A crown in the Room of Requirement? Please. Too easy.
A snake? …Okay, I left the snake alone.
By the end of the summer, every single Horcrux had vanished.
And Voldemort?
Had no idea.
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Step Two: Watch Dumbledore Struggle
When the school year started, Harry expected big things.
Deep, mysterious lessons. Intense magical training.
Instead…
Dumbledore just stared at a wall.
Like a man going through an existential crisis.
Because every time he checked a Horcrux location…
It was already empty.
The locket? Gone.
The ring? Nowhere to be found.
The cup? Poof.
Dumbledore didn't say anything, but I could feel his frustration.
It was beautiful.
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Voldemort's Absolute Meltdown
Somewhere, in some dark, creepy hideout…
Voldemort was freaking out.
Because he had this one little problem:
He suddenly couldn't feel any of his Horcruxes.
Which was impossible.
They were supposed to be hidden.
They were supposed to be protected.
They were supposed to keep him immortal.
And yet…
They were all just gone.
He probably assumed Dumbledore had taken them.
Which meant…
Voldemort was panicking, while Dumbledore was also panicking.
And neither of them knew why.
Meanwhile, I was sitting in the Ravenclaw common room, doing my homework.
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Harry's "Training" Becomes Completely Useless
Harry expected Year Six to be full of secret knowledge.
Instead, his "lessons" with Dumbledore were… weirdly uneventful.
"Harry," Dumbledore said one day, rubbing his temples. "Normally, I would be showing you Voldemort's past to help you understand him. But given… recent developments, I… am rethinking my approach."
Harry blinked. "Wait. What recent developments?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Nothing you need to worry about."
Harry frowned. "So… no training?"
Dumbledore sighed. "I suppose we could practice something."
And just like that, Year Six became Advanced Magic Practice With Dumbledore.
Harry got insanely powerful.
And still had no idea what was actually happening.
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Malfoy's Useless Mission
Draco Malfoy was supposed to fix the Vanishing Cabinet, letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts.
But guess what?
There was no reason for that anymore.
Because Voldemort was too busy panicking about his lost Horcruxes.
Malfoy spent the entire year stressing out over a mission that Voldemort no longer cared about.
By the time June rolled around, he looked so done.
"I don't even know what I'm doing anymore," he muttered one day in the library.
I patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Don't worry. I'm sure it'll all work out."
He sighed. "Yeah… I hope so."
Poor guy.
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The Astronomy Tower: A Complete Flop
The year was supposed to end with Dumbledore's dramatic death.
Instead, this is what happened:
1. Malfoy went up to the Astronomy Tower, planning to kill Dumbledore.
2. Dumbledore looked completely unimpressed.
3. Snape, who was supposed to kill Dumbledore, stood there looking confused.
4. And then… nothing happened.
Because there was no reason for Dumbledore to die.
The Horcruxes were already gone.
Voldemort was already screwed.
Snape looked at Dumbledore like, Are we still doing this?
Dumbledore just sighed.
"I believe," he said, "that this is no longer necessary."
Malfoy blinked. "Wait. Really?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. You may all go now."
And just like that, everyone went back inside, and nothing happened.
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Dumbledore's Final Boss Battle
A week later, Dumbledore vanished.
Why?
Because he knew something was wrong.
So he probably went out into the world to find out who kept messing with fate.
Which meant…
By Year Seven, I might actually have a problem.
Because if anyone was smart enough to figure me out…
It was Dumbledore.
I took a deep breath.
Alright. Time to plan for the grand finale.
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End of Year Six.
Shall we see how I ruin the Deathly Hallows storyline next?