Isn't the similarity

Isn't the similarity close between the sporadic pat-

tern that set fire under the pigeon and the tactics Bill

used to control his girl? Bill used intermittent rein-

forcement like a master. He did it by treating this girl

like a queen, his five-minute kiss being one example.

Then at other times, he hit her and gave her no rein-

forcement. So she never knew whether she could

have Bill or not.

This pattern of sporadic reinforcement kept her

acting like the pigeon. She was figuratively pecking

madly at the bar, desperate for any reinforcement

that Bill might give her.

My date never knew exactly where she stood with

Bill. Since she didn't know whether she could have

this man or not, taking him for granted proved ut-

terly impossible. This led her to want desperately what

she felt she could not have. And exploiting this natural

desire on her part gave Bill his puppetlike control

over her. In this human quirk lies a shoving, bone-

deep urge of human nature:

People want what they cannot have.

From this desire come many of humanity's great

foibles. This trait causes people to want material pos-

sessions they can't afford. It leads men to burn them-

selves out pursuing women they cannot have, and it

drives women to self-destruct over men they chase

fruitlessly. Any person who can harness this law of

human nature for his own purposes can wield an awesome influence over other people. As Bill no doubt realized, intermittent reinforce-

ment is the best tool for exploiting people's desire for

things they can't have. When you use this tactic, you

make the other person think that you're the thing he

can't have. Or your business deal is the one he can't

have. He can never take you for granted, because you

alternate between the caress and the bite, between

treating him well and treating him badly. He senses

that he can't have you, and his instincts make him

want you, sometimes almost desperately.

This vulnerability to intermittent reinforcement

explains my date's situation, which looks ridiculous

on the surface-a beautiful girl scrambling after a

man who beat her, when she could have her pick of

men.

Of course Bill had probably never heard of the

pigeon experiment. And I doubt that the term "inter-

mittent reinforcement" would have meant any more

to him than "amortizing his ishial tuborosities."

Rather, I assume that his technique emerged from

years of trial-and-error in his love life. That's how

most people learn it. If you asked Bill how this tactic

works, he would likely reply, "Well, I treat women

real nice most of the time. But if you want to control

them, you've got to be mean sometimes to keep 'em

on their toes."

Before I go any further, I want to insert here that I

don't condone beating women-never having hit an

ad ult in my entire life. Certainly there are many

other ways to withdraw reinforcement. Also, considering the inroads the women's movement has

made, I believe such a neo-Nazi tactic would prove

counterproductive today.

Since I act only as a reporter, debating the moral-

ity of intermittent reinforcement lies outside the

boundaries of my calling. I only report what works,

not what is moral or immoral.

Finally, don't assume that just because this case

dealt with a woman falling victim to intermittent re-

inforcement, that only men can use it. In fact, I've

watched many more males fall for women who are

using this tactic than vice versa.

Intermittent reinforcement applies to your love life.

If you survey your past love life a moment, you

probably can recall instances where you've been

taken in by intermittent reinforcement yourself.

Surely at some time in your life, there has been a cer-

tain person you just couldn't get over. You felt a

magnetic attraction to him or her that bordered on

addiction.

Sometimes he or she charmed you into walking on

air, but at other times you were maddeningly ignored

or treated coolly. Possessed, you jumped between the

highest highs and the lowest lows, feeling the whole

time the awkward sensation of never knowing where

you stood. You couldn't shake her, or get off the

emotional roller coaster.

I'm sure you've endured this kind of tiger's-back

love affair before. I know several women have af-

fected me this way. These women were practicing intermittent reinforcement on me on purpose or by

accident. I was so attracted to them that my human

nature bulldozed my common sense. And I did ev-

erything in my power to please them.

Notice that "1 did everything in my power to

please them." This statement describes what you can

siphon out of a person by using intermittent rein-

forcement the right way.

Specific tactics in intermittent reinforcement

To apply intermittent reinforcement, you follow

two clear-cut steps that take advantage of the fact that

human beings want what they can't have. First, you

set up a pattern of reinforcement by giving your ma-

nipulatee something he wants. Second, withdraw it,

and watch the person come under your control as he

struggles to have the reinforcement restored.

This technique sounds simple. And it is easy to

understand, but it's hard to carry out. It's difficult to

make it work, because you have to first be able to re-

inforce the person you want to manipulate. (That is,

you must provide something he wants.)

You give this reinforcement by charming the per-

son, paying him money, or furnishing him something

else he wants badly. But unless you can give your

manipulatee something he really wants, he won't care

a whit if you withdraw his "reinforcement" by acting

coolly toward him, refusing to pay him, or whatever.

In fact, you probably don't even reinforce most of

the people you know, so trying intermittent rein-

forcement on these persons would be a waste. The people you can manipulate with this technique are

therefore limited to those you reinforce. But by con-

centrating your efforts on these people, you can al-

most lead them like children.

At least seventy to ninety percent of the time you

have to be good to the person you plan to manipu-

late, and give him something he wants. You may do

this by whatever method you choose.

In choosing the correct reinforcement, you'll need

to figure out what would thrill this person the most.

Try to put yourself in his place, and ask yourself

what would boost your manipulatee's ego. What does

he really like? In a business situation you may select

praise, money, or some other reward.

Assuming you have completed step one, you

should be giving the subject of your manipulation

what he wants. But don't get carried away with the

reinforcement. The first thing you know, your ma-

nipulatee will take you for granted, and then you

won't be able to wrench the time of day out of him.

Keep him on his toes. The moment you detect the

slightest hint that your "pigeon" is taking you for

granted, withdraw his reinforcement on the spot.

When you feel taken for granted, you know that you

provided what he wanted too constantly, and that the

time has long since passed to withdraw it.

Applications in your love life

To illustrate, let's apply intermittent reinforcement

to your love life. Assume that over a period of several

days you're trying to charm a woman, and acting asfriendly as possible toward her. She seems to be re-

sponding well to your overtures. But sometimes you

feel like she pays less than rapt attention to what you

say.

Immediately you know the time has come to back

off, and be a little cool and uninterested. Ignore her

for a while. But don't act like a hurt child, and look

foolish in the process. Instead indicate through your

behavior that you can more or less take her or leave

her. If possible, subtly make her jealous by talking to

other women in front of her.

Remember, people want what they can't have.

Now she may begin to doubt that she can have you.

Your independence and confidence are attractive.

You're saying in effect, "I want you, but I can always

have other women if you're not interested. Take it or

leave it." Now she doesn't know exactly where she

stands with you. If you charmed her to begin with (if

you reinforced her), you can bet that she'll be chasing

you in no time. Her human nature will surge, and

she'll begin to want what she can't have-you. Inter-

mi ttent reinforcement has put her under your control

to some extent. Soon you should have her working

madly for the kind of reinforcement she has come to . enJoy.

After you withdraw the reinforcement, usually

wait for her to make the next move toward you. If

she doesn't come after you, then you probably

weren't reinforcing her to begin with. (Or she's

pathologically shy, which is highly unlikely.) Better

concentrate on someone else and come back to her