HOW TO PUT IT TO WORK FOR YOU
after some time has passed. As a last resort when
your intermittent reinforcement fails, read Chapter
XIV, "If All Else Fails, Try the Dirty Way." This
chapter reports a backup alternative that remains
after your abortive manipulation fizzles.
Understanding intermittent reinforcement takes a
great deal of the mystery, and romance, out of the
"helplessly loving in vain" syndrome that we've all
seen. But any measure of mystery that this knowl-
edge subtracts it repays by giving you a more firm
control of your own love life. What you get out of a
love affair is left less to the whims of fate, which can
often be cruel to you. Instead you can take what you
want by allying yourself with one of the powerful
quirks of human behavior.
While you'll find the most use for this technique in
your private life, don't overlook the opportunities to
use it in your business dealings. For instance, if
you're a manager, don't worry about chewing out a
good employee. Being rough on him sometimes will
probably make him work better for you.
Intermittent reinforcement, like any tactic that
works in your love life, can also be adapted to a busi-
ness setting by a clever mind. You LIVE in an unfair world. You'll confront
favoritism at every turn in the business jungle and
elsewhere. In fact, when asked by a survey what fac-
tor they considered most responsi ble for their suc-
cess, a group of top young executives most frequently
mentioned "getting in good with the boss." Not hard
work, efficiency, or superior performance-but crass
favoritism.
However, the manipulator doesn't sit and bemoan
the situation. Instead he accepts reality and calculates
a way to turn the situation to his advantage. He
knows he has to cultivate friendship with the people
who control his career or find himself stagnated. And
unless he puts favoritism to work for himself, it au-
tomatically works against him, because his rivals will
use it to undercut him.
Incidentally you'll notice that I use "friendship"-
and "favoritism" interchangeably. And if you think
about it, so do most people. You probably do too.
For example, when your boss does a favor for you
because he likes you, he did it out of "friendship."
But when someone he likes better than you gets re-
wards from the boss, it's out and out "favoritism';! It
all depends on who gets the short end of the deal.
Right? He helped you because he was your "friend."
But he helped the other guy because your rival "but-
tered him up."
The tendency to help our friends-or to be swayed
by favoritism, if you prefer-is firmly rooted in our
human nature. And you're only jousting with wind-
mills if you try to fight this situation. Nothing you can
do will change anything because favoritism runs so
strong and deep in human behavior.
Even the most hard-nosed businessmen make
many decisions based on favoritism. Take, for in-
stance, the most brilliant businessman I have ever
known. He made himself a millionaire by peddling
used cars from a lot in the slums. And he wound up
owning the largest auto dealership in the world for
one of Detroit's Big Three. Next, he formed a holding
company that controlled a string of car dealers, plus
insurance and finance companies.
While I worked for him, I watched even this
hard-bitten, profit-conscious businessman swayed by
favoritism many times. For example, he employed an
advertising agency owned by one of his friends. Healso bought his supplies from an industrial salesman
who had dated his daughter, to mention only a cou-
ple of incidents.
Because of its pervasiveness, exploiting this human
trai t is one of your best tactics for moving ahead in
the business jungle. If all other factors look anywhere
near equal, the person who capitalizes on favoritism
will get the nod for promotions, patronage, pay
hikes, or whatever he seeks. And you can be that
person if you harness the power of friendship for
your own ends. By doing this, you let human nature
do much of your work for you.
Of course, you can use favoritism in settings other
than those of a business context. The power of this
trait in your love life surely strikes you as obvious.
Nearly all romantic closeness, favors, and loyalties
are given on the basis of friendship. In fact, you may
use the tactics of this chapter more in your love life
than in any other area.
I discuss three techniques in this chapter that put
favoritism and human nature on your side. I know all
three work because I've seen other people use them,
and I have used them myself.
The world's oldest piece of advice finally made
practical
Smile! It's the world's most time-worn piece of ad-
vice. It's been dished up by every would-be sage
from the overbearing mothers of blushing prom-
queen hopefuls to Ann Landers to the misguided researchers who found that it takes fewer facial mus-
cles to smile than it does to frown. (It still seems eas-
ier to me to frown than it does to smile.)
Only with the greatest reluctance do I warm the
advice up one more time and serve it myself. And I
do it only for two good reasons, both highly Machia-
vellian. First, smiling works. Second, I want to make
this mindless bit of advice practical for a change.
In addressing the first point, I don't have any
pointed anecdote or gut-wrenching emotional episode
that would drive the power of the smile home to you.
My experiences and yours run along the same lines
as far as this subject is concerned. So I'll ask you to
prove to yourself the magnetism of the smile.
Name the three people you know who seem to be,
for the want of a better term, the "most popular." I
refer to the people you know that both women and
men seem to take an instant liking to on their first
meeting, and who seem to get what they want from
people more times than not. Stop a moment and
think about the people you know. Then mentally
write the three names here:
1
2
3
I believe you'll find, just like I did, that all three
people you named employ the smile to their advan-
tage very effectively. These people realize that smil-
ing does make a sweeping difference in how often a