Ask your manipulatee

Tell your manipulatee how something he said has

helped you.

When was the last time anyone took your advice?

It almost never happens. Right? Of course not. Peo-

ple hate to take advice because they foolishly think

this means that they can't work out their own prob-

lems.

But just imagine for a moment that the unheard-of

happened, and someone told you that your advice

had helped him solve a problem. After you recov-

ered from the shock, you'd swell with pride. By

golly, someone finally figured out that you're as

smart as a whip-something you knew all along.

This person finally realized that you possess razor-

sharp judgment and a biting insight-the kind that

can solve even the most tangled problems.

Of course I'm exaggerating. But you can see what

a compliment it is when a person confides that you

solved a problem for him. In effect, he's saying,

"You're smarter than I am." It praises your judgment

in a way that seems totally honest and impossible to

fake. A person can't fabricate this kind of ultimate

compliment, so it would never be suspected of being

flattery.

Now that you've vicariously felt the ego boost you

get from this subtle but profound compliment, turn

things around and use it to befriend your manipu-

latee. Ask him for some advice, and let him know if it

works out for you.

If you have a sharp mind, you'll devise endless

variations of this technique. You might seek out your manipulatee's counsel on good movies, books, records,

work habits, etc. Then try to cultivate a taste for

whatever he suggests, and tell him his recommen-

dations were very good, if you like them. Your

friendship will strengthen as you flatter his self-es-

teem by mutual tastes and pleasures. Then sit back

and watch favoritism work for you.

Ask your manipulatee how he got into his business

or career. Then listen.

As a student I made my way through graduate

school by peddling advertising space for a classical

radio station that had only a tiny listening audience-

a difficult selling job to say the least. One of my ac-

counts, a thriving record store, was owned by an un-

usual businessman I'll call Steve. Steve's hair fell to

the middle of his T -shirted back. And in his tennis

shoes and jeans, he looked no older than twenty-

five-which isn't exactly the mental picture most peo-

ple would draw of a successful businessman.

However, Steve had founded his own flourishing

record store in an extremely competitive market dom-

inated by the big chain stores. His success came after

several years of juggling debts with precious little

capital, and sleeping on a cot in his store because he

couldn't afford an apartment. But his years of strug-

gle have paid off. He runs his own show now. And

he can afford plenty of the vacations in Mexico he

loves so much. After all, the store rocks along

smoothly without his constant supervision.

When I took over my position as advertising man ager, Steve's record store had almost stopped adver-

tising with my station altogether. So I was told to

persuade him to take out another advertisement with

us. As I approached his store, I didn't really antici-

pate any success with the man, and I was scared.

When I walked into his office, I was surprised by

his long hair and unorthodox appearance, never hav-

ing met him before. Out of natural curiosity I asked,

"How did you wind up owning a record store?" For

some reason, that question seemed to tickle an

erogenous zone in his heart. For a full hour he de-

tailed his years of sacrifice that led to his current

prosperity. And his justifiable pride showed as he

related his story.

Mostly as a result of my lucky question about how

he got into his career, he treated me to lunch and

signed a year-long advertising contract with our sta-

tion. In addition he agreed to provide the station free

albums from his classical record department to play

on the air.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the power of fa-

voritism, not my scant sales ability, accomplished all

this for me. Steve liked me immediately because I flat-

tered him by taking an interest in his work. His

human nature put him more and more on my side as

I devoted ninety percent of the conversation to his ca-

reer. And after I'd made a friend of Steve, favoritism

made him easy to persuade.

Any time you meet someone for the first time, ask

them what they do for a living and how they got

into that career. This question quickly warms themup to you, because no matter how much they dislike

their jobs, people love to talk about how they got

there. It thrills a person to see that you seem inter-

ested in a subject so close to his heart. This line of

conversation always begins the relationship by put-

ting favoritism solidly on your side.