Punched A Villain!

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As I was heading home, still gloating over my great escape from Boom Boom Boy's wrath, I heard a commotion near Tatooin Station. The distant rumble of chaos and a chorus of screams? Yeah, definitely hero work. My curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to check it out. Call it a death wish or an excuse to procrastinate on homework, but I'm a sucker for watching heroes flex.

When I reached the station, it was like a disaster movie on steroids. A giant villain was causing havoc, and not the fun kind. The guy looked like he hit the gym for ten years straight, except his fashion sense had clearly skipped leg day—tattered jeans, no shirt, and a face that screamed "I lost a bet." To top it off, he was swinging some poor guy's bag around like it owed him money.

The crowd of civilians gathered around the scene, too enthralled to run away but smart enough to keep a safe distance. Heroes were already on the job. Kamui Woods was doing his whole "tree ninja" routine, branches whipping out to restrain the big guy. Mt. Lady, of course, had gone full kaiju, towering over the scene like she was auditioning for Attack on Titan. A few others were managing crowd control, including Backdraft, who was turning the surrounding area into a water park with his Water Pump Quirk.

"Look at these guys," I muttered, leaning against a railing. "Working hard to save the day while I work hard to stay irrelevant."

[NEW QUEST ALERT: OBSERVE THE FIGHT. REWARD: +10 XP. FAILURE: YOU MISS OUT ON THE CARNAGE.]

"Great, I get XP for standing here like a gawker," I said under my breath. "Truly, I am living the dream."

Kamui Woods managed to latch onto the villain's arm with his signature lacquered chains, but the guy wasn't having it. He yanked hard, dragging Kamui across the asphalt like a discount kite. The crowd gasped, and some lady next to me clutched her pearls like she was watching a telenovela.

"Bet you five bucks he tries the same move again," I quipped, earning a dirty look from Pearl Clutcher. Hey, I call it like I see it.

Sure enough, Kamui doubled down, sending more branches to try and bind the villain. Meanwhile, Mt. Lady stepped in to block the guy's escape route. Her towering form cast a massive shadow over the station, and I could already hear her inevitable press conference: "I just did what any hero would do—while looking fabulous, of course."

The villain, now visibly sweating, panicked and swung the bag he stolen at a nearby utility pole. The pole cracked and swayed ominously before coming down, and for a second, everyone froze. Death Arms sprinted forward like a linebacker on a mission, catching the collapsing structure with a grunt. His muscles bulged under the strain, and I could almost hear the collective swoon from the women in the crowd. Backdraft added a watery barrier to keep the spectators from getting too close, which was probably for the best considering some of them were holding their phones up like this was a TikTok live event.

"Guess I should do my civic duty and… continue standing here," I said, crossing my arms. "Can't let anyone out-lazy me today."

At the same time, two things were fighting for attention in my head. First, the shiny blue notification taunting me with Punch a Villain and Survive, and second, Mt. Lady's spandexed masterpiece of an ass gleaming under the station lights like the eighth wonder of the world. I promise, it was fifty-fifty. 0.50% the quest, 99.50%—well, priorities.

The System decided to chime in with perfect timing:

[WARNING: OGLE RESPONSIBLY. OBJECTIFICATION IS NOT A STRATEGY, PLAYER.]

"Shut up," I muttered. "I'll ogle irresponsibly if I damn well please."

The chaos intensified as Kamui Woods' branches snapped under the pressure of the villain's strength, and Mt. Lady, bless her showboating heart, reached down to grab him. For a second, I thought she had him. Then he whipped out a bus stop sign like it was a flyswatter, and bam—she stumbled, nearly taking out a parked car.

I watched as Death Arms and Backdraft coordinated an attack, but the villain—let's call him Gym Rat Supreme—shrugged them off like they were minor inconveniences. That poor bus stop sign had seen better days, now reduced to a bent, sad excuse for a weapon in his hands.

"Alright," I mumbled, glancing at the quest notification one more time. "Punching a villain for XP. That's all I need to do. Just one solid hit, then run like hell."

[CLARIFICATION: SURVIVE. DON'T DIE LIKE AN IDIOT.]

"Thanks for the encouragement, Mom."

This was stupid. Beyond stupid. But as I stood there, watching the pros struggle to contain a guy whose only apparent quirk was being built like a tank, I realized something crucial: my day couldn't get any worse. Bakugo's goons, the system's sass, Mt. Lady's distracting assets—it all pointed to one thing. If I was going to die, at least I would die making a scene.

I cracked my knuckles, took a deep breath, and dashed forward. Well, more like shuffled awkwardly through the crowd until I found a gap. People were too busy recording on their phones or gawking at the heroes to notice me slip past.

[NEW SUB-QUEST: DON'T TRIP ON YOUR WAY TO GLORY. FAILURE: COMPLETE HUMILIATION.]

"Oh, screw you," I muttered, nearly faceplanting as I stepped over a stray piece of rubble.

The villain, oblivious to my approach, had his back turned while he roared something unintelligible at Mt. Lady. She was busy recovering her footing, looking a little too flustered to strike back immediately. This was my moment.

"Hey, Gym Rat!" I shouted, my voice cracking halfway through. Not my best opening line, but it did the trick.

He turned, his face scrunching up in confusion as he spotted me. "What the hell do you want, kid? Autograph?"

"Yeah, right," I replied, grinning like the cocky idiot I am. "I just wanted to ask—do you skip leg day, or is that just natural incompetence?"

His expression darkened faster than Bakugo's mood when I steal his lunch. "You little—"

Before he could finish, I activated Quickstep. The world blurred as I zipped forward, my body moving faster than I could think. One second, I was a good ten feet away; the next, I was right in front of him. My fist connected with his jaw in a satisfying, albeit painful, thud.

For a brief, glorious moment, I thought I actually done some damage. Then reality hit me—literally. His arm swung out like a wrecking ball, and I barely managed to Quickstep backward to avoid getting turned into street pizza.

[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU PUNCHED A VILLAIN. REWARD: +100 XP.]

"Oh, great, thanks," I muttered, stumbling as I landed. My hand throbbed like I just punched a brick wall. "Totally worth it."

The villain was pissed now, his attention fully on me. "You've got guts, kid," he growled, cracking his neck. "Too bad that won't save you."

"Oh, I don't need guts to deal with you," I shot back, my heart racing as I tried to come up with a plan. "Just charm, wit, and a questionable life expectancy."

[NEW QUEST: SURVIVE THE NEXT 60 SECONDS. REWARD: NOT DYING.]

He lunged at me, faster than I expected for a guy his size. I barely managed to dodge, my Quickstep on cooldown. The ground shook as he missed, his fist slamming into the pavement and sending cracks spiderwebbing outward.

"Holy crap," I yelped, scrambling to my feet. "Okay, maybe this was a bad idea."

[YA THINK?]

The heroes finally noticed me, their expressions of confusion and irritation. Mt. Lady's voice boomed across the chaos. "Kid, get out of here! This isn't a game!"

"Tell that to my quest log!" I shouted back, ducking under another swing from Gym Rat.

Kamui Woods tried to restrain him again, his branches wrapping around the villain's legs. This time, the guy actually stumbled, giving me just enough time to Quickstep behind him.

"Alright, one more for the road," I muttered, aiming a kick at the back of his knee. My foot connected, and for a split second, I thought I succeeded. Then he roared, shaking off the branches and sending me flying backward with a swipe of his arm.

I hit the ground hard, my vision swimming as the System chimed in again.

[STATUS: MOSTLY ALIVE. CONGRATULATIONS.]

"Mostly alive? Great," I groaned, dragging myself to my feet. The crowd was cheering now, either for the heroes or for the spectacle I accidentally created. I didn't have time to figure it out.

Gym Rat was down but not out, his movements sluggish as he tried to shake off the combined efforts of the heroes. Mt. Lady finally managed to pin him, her massive hands holding him in place while Kamui Woods secured him with more branches.

The fight was over. I survived. Barely.

As I limped away, the System popped up one last time.

[QUEST COMPLETE! REWARD: +100 XP AND A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF BAD DECISIONS.]

"Yeah, no kidding," I muttered, ignoring the curious stares of the crowd as I disappeared into the backstreets. My body ached, my pride was in shambles, and my hand felt like it had been run over by a truck.

But hey, at least I earned some XP. And maybe—just maybe—a little respect. Probably not from the heroes, though. Mt. Lady's glare as I left pretty much confirmed that.

"Well, System," I said, grinning despite myself. "What's next?"

[NEW QUEST: AVOID DYING IN YOUR SLEEP. REWARD: 0 XP. FAILURE: YOU DIE.]

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I muttered, shaking my head. "Real helpful."

[OH BY THE WAY, LEVEL UP!]

"Wait, what?" I muttered, blinking as the bright, obnoxious blue screen shoved itself into my line of sight.

[LEVEL UP!]

The words danced on the screen like they were throwing a party just to spite me. Below them, a new notification appeared:

[YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 1. GAINED 5 STAT POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE. AUTOMATIC +1 TO STRENGTH FOR COMBAT EXPERIENCE. NEW XP TO LEVEL 2: 200.]

"Oh, great," I muttered. "I survived a human wrecking ball just to get nagged about stats."

The System chimed in like it was trying to be helpful: [CONGRATULATIONS! YOU DIDN'T DIE! WANT A PARTICIPATION TROPHY?]

"Yeah, that'd be great," I snapped. "Make sure it says, 'Ryuu Midoriya: Professional Dumbass.'"

I sighed, swiping at the screen to access my stats. The new layout showed my updated numbers:

Strength: 9 (That sweet +1 for almost dying.)

Agility: 10

Intelligence: 14

Charisma: 12

Luck: 1 (Still bottom-of-the-barrel, of course.)

At the bottom, a message blinked:

[UNSPENT POINTS: 5.]

"Alright," I said, cracking my knuckles. "Time to distribute these bad boys."

The System chimed in again: [NEED A HINT? YOU'RE BAD AT DECISIONS.]

"Gee, thanks," I muttered. "Alright, let's think…"

"Dump all to Charisma," I said without hesitation.

[W-WHAT?] The System stuttered. Its sass meter had seemingly short-circuited for the first time since it popped into my life.

"Yeah, you heard me," I replied, stretching my arms behind my head. "Just do it, man. I'm confessing my love to Mt. Lady's boobies, um, I mean to her, after her press conference. I need that charisma boost. Chop-chop."

[YOU REALIZE THIS IS NOT HOW NORMAL PEOPLE FUNCTION, RIGHT? ALSO, YOU HAVE A STAT CALLED INTELLIGENCE. MAYBE INVEST IN THAT?]

"Hey, I'm not normal, and I don't need brains for what I'm planning. I need to be smooth enough to make her forget I exist in the cringe zone." I waved at the screen dismissively. "Now hurry up, before I change my mind and dump it all into Luck. Then we'll both regret it."

[ARE YOU EVEN HEARING YOURSELF?] The System threw up an animated sigh on the screen. [FINE. BUT WHEN THIS BACKFIRES, REMEMBER WHO THE REAL DUMBASS IS.]

A small animation played, like coins clinking into a slot machine, and my stats updated:

Charisma (CHA): 17

Unspent Points: 0

I clapped my hands together like I had just achieved the world's greatest accomplishment. "There. Now I'm the face of irresistible charm."

[OR YOU JUST WENT FROM 'ANNOYING SMARTASS' TO 'SLIGHTLY MORE ANNOYING SMARTASS.' TIME WILL TELL.] The System didn't even try to hide its exasperation. [ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, THIS WON'T MAGICALLY MAKE YOU LESS OF A MORON.]

"Noted," I said. Then I pulled out my phone and casually scrolled Twitter, hoping Mt. Lady's press conference was live-streamed. Let's be real, I wasn't going to wait to admire the eighth wonder of spandex perfection in person. That was tomorrow's problem.

As I scrolled through my phone, I stumbled across a trending post about Melon Tusk—yeah, the eccentric billionaire who somehow convinced half the internet he's a genius. Apparently, he had thrown up some weird cult hand sign during his latest livestream. "Ugh," I muttered, scrubbing at my temples. "What is this guy doing now? Summoning tech demons? Whatever, not my problem."

Finally, after bypassing a million useless ads and clickbait headlines, I found the livestream of Mt. Lady's press conference. It had just ended. Perfect timing. "Alright, she is done. Time to move."

I slipped out of the back alley where I had been loitering, heading toward the venue. The System, ever helpful, decided to chime in.

[NEW QUEST: MAKE A MEMORABLE IMPRESSION ON MT. LADY. REWARD: +50 CHARISMA. FAILURE: SHE CALLS SECURITY ON YOU.]

"Great," I muttered, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets. "Because that's exactly what I needed—a quest where getting tased is a possible outcome."

[PRO TIP: BE YOURSELF. WAIT—ACTUALLY, DON'T. TRY SOMEONE LESS ANNOYING.]

"Funny," I shot back, ignoring the amused looks from a few passersby who probably thought I was talking to myself. Technically, I was. Thanks, System.