Cops

Daily Meme

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"Ow! Ow! Ow! Mom, what the hell?!"

She had me in some kind of multi-limbed death grip, and I didn't even know how. One arm around my neck, the other yanking my ear like she was trying to peel it off, her head buried in my chest while she sobbed, all while somehow managing to land punches against my ribs. Only two hands, and yet I was getting hit from every direction.

"You—" sniff "—idiot—" smack "—reckless—" pull "—why do you do this to me?!"

Izuku was standing to the side, completely untouched, the little bastard. I shot him a glare. "Bro, help me."

He looked like he wanted to, but also like he didn't want to die.

"Mom, come on, I'm fine—ow, shit!—stop hitting me for five seconds!"

"You are not fine! You were kidnapped! Do you know how many heart attacks I had?!"

"Mom, if you keep hitting me like this, I will have a heart attack—ow! Stop using both hands at once, what is this technique?!"

She finally let go, but only to grab my face, squeezing my cheeks hard enough to make my lips pucker. "Why are you always like this?! Do you have any idea how scared I was?!"

I tried to talk, but my face was getting crushed. "Bhrkgl."

"Don't you 'bhrkgl' me! You vanished!" Her grip tightened. "I told you not to go, but you convinced me. Said the camp would be safe. Pro Heroes would be there to protect you. A week later, I learn you were kidnapped!"

She smacked the side of my head, and my skull damn near rattled.

"Mom—ow—come on, you're making a scene."

"I'll make a bigger one!" Another smack. "They said you were missing! No word, no clue if you were even alive! And I had to sit at home and just wait?!"

"I wasn't exactly vacationing, you know."

That earned me a sharp yank on my ear. "Oh? Really? So getting kidnapped is just a casual thing now? Should I expect a call every time you decide to piss off some villain and get yourself thrown into a basement?"

I pulled back, rubbing my ear. "I didn't plan it, Mom. It just happened."

"Oh, it just happened?" She threw her hands up. "Right! Just like the Sports Festival, just like that Stain nonsense, just like—God knows what else! Every time something 'just happens,' you're in the middle of it!"

Izuku coughed. The moment Mom's eyes snapped to him, he flinched.

"Don't you start," she said, jabbing a finger. "I know you were there too, running into danger like you don't have a mother who worries herself sick over you two!"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Why can't you both be normal?! Just once!"

I sighed, knowing full well there was no winning this. "Look, I know it was bad, but I got out, didn't I?"

Her eyes flared. "Oh, you 'got out'? That's your defense?"

"I mean…" I gestured vaguely. "I'm here."

"That is not a good thing!"

"Okay, okay, I get it, my bad," I said, finally prying her fingers off. "But I'm here now, aren't I? In one piece? Completely un-murdered?"

Mom wiped her eyes, still sniffling. "That's not the point…"

I groaned and sat down, rubbing her hand. "Look, Mom, I know it sucks, but it's not like I planned to get kidnapped."

"You never plan things! That's the problem!"

Okay, fair. But still.

"Hey, could've been worse," I said. "They could've kept me."

She gasped, horrified. "That is not funny!"

Izuku smacked my shoulder. "You are not helping."

"Would you rather I start crying about it?" I asked. "Because I can. You want me to scream and wail like a sad little anime girl? Would that be better?"

Mom looked ready to start hitting me again. "Do not test me."

I held up my hands in surrender. "Fine, fine. No Izuku breakdown. But seriously, I'm okay."

She exhaled, shoulders shaking. "I don't care if you're okay. I just—I thought I lost you."

I swallowed. That one hit different.

Mom pulled me into another hug, and this time, I didn't fight it.

Izuku sat down next to me. "At least it's over."

Mom sniffed. "It better be. No more reckless fighting, no more—"

The TV cut in.

"Breaking news—All Might has officially retired."

The room went silent.

The screen showed the final moment—his hand raised, the world watching. The Symbol of Peace, stepping down for good.

Mom put a hand to her mouth. Izuku's face was tight, his fingers digging into his pants.

None of us spoke.

The weight of it settled in, something no one wanted to say out loud but everyone knew.

Things weren't going to be the same anymore.

–

The next morning, the cops showed up, looking all official and stiff like they had something important to say. Spoiler: they didn't. They wanted me for questioning, which wasn't surprising. What was surprising was how insistent they were about taking only me.

Mom, still running on last night's emotional rollercoaster, was not having it. She stood in the doorway, arms crossed, glaring down at them like they were a bunch of misbehaving children. The effect was immediate. The cops, who had been all high and mighty a second ago, suddenly looked real interested in their shoes.

One of them cleared his throat, trying to salvage the situation. "Ma'am, this is just a standard procedure—"

"No, it isn't." Mom cut him off, voice flat. "If it was, you wouldn't be trying to separate me from my son."

The guy hesitated. His partner, looking like he would rather be anywhere else, mumbled, "It's just protocol."

"And my protocol is that I go wherever my child goes," Mom shot back. "Unless you have a warrant specifically stating I can't be present, I'm coming."

There was a long pause. The two exchanged a look, silently debating whether or not they wanted to push their luck. Then, with the combined courage of a couple of wet noodles, they nodded.

"…She can come," the first guy muttered.

That was how I found myself in a police station, sitting across from some detective who looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Mom sat next to me, arms still crossed, making it very clear that if they tried any funny business, she would be the first to flip the table.

The detective, to his credit, didn't waste time. "You were taken by the League of Villains," he said. "We need to know everything you can tell us."

"Right." I leaned back. "What do you wanna know? Their favorite colors? What kind of soap they don't use?"

He didn't react. "How did they capture you?"

"Portals," I said. "Kurogiri's Quirk. One second, I was there; the next, I wasn't."

"Where did they take you?"

"A hideout. Underground, probably. No windows, metal doors. Real cozy. But wait a minute! You should know that. Mirko barged in like a wrecking ball through the wall. All Might fought just outside of it? What? You don't have a TV?"

"Did they hurt you?"

I scoffed. "I mean, they tied me to a chair and talked my ear off about society being broken, but physically? Nah."

The guy wrote something down. "They didn't try to recruit you?"

"Oh, they tried." I snorted. "Shigaraki gave his best 'you don't belong with the heroes' speech, but honestly? Weak effort. If you're gonna brainwash someone, at least make it entertaining."

"Did they say anything about their next move?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

The guy's pen scratched against the paper for a few more seconds before he looked up. "And how did you escape?"

I gave them my best "Seriously, guys?" look before leaning back, folding my arms. "I know you pussies are desk bitches, but if the TV's busted in your station, heroes raided the fucking place. I used the commotion to escape while I could."

Mom grabbed my ear so fast I didn't even see her move. "Language, Ryuu!"

I folded immediately. "Okay, Mommy."

The detective barely blinked. He was probably used to dealing with worse shit, but Mom had a way of making people sit up straight whether they were criminals or cops. His partner shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat. "So you left during the raid?"

I gave him a slow nod like I was talking to a toddler. "Wow, you're catching on. Want a sticker?"

Mom pinched me again. "Ryuu."

I sighed, rubbing my ear. "Yes, I left during the raid. Figured sticking around wasn't exactly a five-star experience."

The detective jotted something down. "Did you hear any plans before you left?"

"Nope." I stretched, rolling my shoulders. "They weren't exactly giving me a villain itinerary before bed."

The guy kept writing. "Did they try to get you to talk? Threaten you?"

I tilted my head. "Yeah, they threatened me with bad takes about society and a monologue so long I almost died of boredom."

The partner frowned. "You're not taking this very seriously."

"No, see, I am. That's the problem. If I wasn't, I would be sleeping right now instead of sitting here answering obvious questions."

Mom gave me a look. I sighed. "Fine. They didn't torture me, no one put a gun to my head, and they didn't do any villainous blood rituals. I sat in a chair, got roasted by a bunch of crusty losers, and then left."

The first detective ignored my tone, flipping through his notes. "And how, exactly, did you avoid getting captured again while escaping?"

I grinned. "Because I'm just built different."

Mom raised her hand, and I immediately added, "Also, I had a distraction and a good exit plan."

The partner sighed. "Which was?"

I leaned forward. "Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?"

Mom smacked the back of my head.

"Ugh, fine." I rubbed the spot, glaring at her. "I made a lot of noise somewhere else and walked out while they were too busy chasing ghosts. Not my fault they're dumb as bricks."

The partner narrowed his eyes. "Are you implying you have accomplices?"

I blinked. "You know what a distraction is, right? I didn't have accomplices. I had an opportunity."

They exchanged glances, probably debating if they should keep pressing. I just stretched my arms, already bored.

The first detective finally spoke up again. "We'll need you to stay available for follow-ups."

I shot him finger guns. "You got it, boss."

Mom yanked my arm. "He will."

The detective nodded. "Then you're free to go."

I was already halfway to the door. "Cool. Later, nerds."

Mom grabbed me again, dragging me out.

The moment we stepped outside, she smacked the back of my head again. Izuku, who was waiting outside, was snickering already.

"Mom, Jesus!"

"You can't just talk to police like that!"

"Why not? I was being cooperative!"

She gave me a look like I was the biggest disappointment of her life. "Ryuu, they were trying to make sure you weren't brainwashed, not interviewing a stand-up comedian."

I scoffed. "Yeah, because I'm totally switching sides to the world's shittiest daycare."

She sighed, rubbing her temples. "You stress me out."

I slung an arm over her shoulders. "It's how I show love."

She smacked my stomach. "And this is how I show mine."

Ugh, bitch got me good. I bent over slightly, rubbing the spot. Mom had zero chill. Izuku shot me a look that said, "Yeah, you deserved that," but I ignored him. So much pain!

--

Here it comes.

Oof. Did I create too much expectation?

Maybe. But also… no.

Because this? This is exactly what I promised. The cutest, softest, most mood-healing thing you'll see today.

You've been warned. Scroll at your own risk.

Cue Whitebeard shout: Peak cutesy is real.

(Check here)

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