How Much

Now here I am, sitting on a blanket, sprawled out whilst watching my future husband who may murder me practice his swordsmanship. What has life come to? Regardless of my future, I sit here, watching from afar, watching him win against everyone else. This is the worst. Though he's exceedingly handsome, all I can imagine is him murdering me with the same blade. My blood staining his hands. My lifeless body, stabbed with the same sword he showed off with to his peers. I do not wish to die in such a way. I refuse to have a fate like that, I just won't. I refuse. Even though I'm terrified of him I simply cannot keep my eyes off of him. He's hypnotising, my eyes cannot help but follow him. This is wrong. I know he'll kill me, there's no doubt in my mind but I can't stop. His eyes are dragging me deeper and deeper. I'm going crazy, that I'm sure of. There's no saving me. I'm too far gone.

After a long while of fighting, he stops. He walks towards me with such glee, how intriguing, nobody looks at me with such eyes. The softness within his face when he sees me is unique, one of a kind, I couldn't replace it even if I tried. It's hard to understand a man like him. Who could look at me with such eyes, he doesn't even know that he's destined to murder me. He doesn't even know what kind of person I am. He just foolishly looks at me with adoration… I feel pity for such a man. Soon I will be dead, even if he won't murder me. I'll take my own life.

"Rosaline..!" He says happily, "I've finished, what do you think?"

"Ah.. um… You are very s-strong!" I say shakily, "It scares me a bit…"

He seems to think, silence filling the air, "I'll use my strength to protect you, my lady, there will be nothing to worry about" he speaks gently

"I see," I look down, almost sadly, "I pray you will…"

He comes closer to me, comforting me. "Everything will be fine, please do not worry about such things."

His words echo through my mind… I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. It seems as if I'm wasting my time. It's getting hard to breathe, I was never meant to do things like this. He'll change as soon as he finds out, I don't want him to change. Tears flow down without a second thought. I wish he wouldn't. If this is a dream, I'd never like to wake up.

He looks very startled, "What has upset you?"

"It-it's nothing…" I say, avoiding the question.

He asks once again, "What has upset you, darling" his big firm hand caressing my face, his thumb wiping away my tears. He's driving me crazy, I can't handle these emotions. I'm not sure what to do. I wish my mother could give me some advice. "Answer me, please…" he begs, his voice sounds a bit whiny.

I shake my head, "Words are unknowing" he stares down upon me, I can't read his expression, it scares me. He drops to his knees, grabbing my hand.

"I would do anything for you, you just say the word, I never wish to see your pretty face stained with tears any longer." His voice is firm but caring, "I will stop earth from spinning if you so wish, I never will leave you, please never keep it to yourself. I don't care what happens I'm here for you." he pauses, kissing my hand, "forever." his confession shocks me, but he seems upset and awaiting an answer.

"I-I-I'm not sure what to say, truthfully." I admit, my face glows with a rosy hue like of the flowers that bloom in spring.

He begins playing with my hand, how strange but I don't seem to detest it either…He fiddles my fingers. He flips my hand over and massages my palm, he puts my hands up to his face, "Your hands are nothing short of beautiful.." he licks my palm whilst looking up at me, desperation within his eyes. I scream loudly.

"What do you think you're doing!!!" I question loudly, the knights begin looking at us with shock. He's making me self conscious. He shouldn't involve himself with me in such a way, especially because he'll regret it. I'm not worthy of such affections.

"What's wrong with me expressing my desires" he states almost as if it's the truth, how terrible. Someone like him loves someone as disgusting and undeserving as me. He is horrific and absolutely sickening, just the worst. He deserves someone more, someone better, someone who's capable. I'm nothing, I'm barely even a lady. He's pitiful.

"How awful…" I whisper to myself, "How strange…" I withdraw my hand from him, my heart pounds rapidly, I grab onto my chest holding it tightly. The pain is immense, it seems like it'd jump out of my chest. A strange feeling, one I have never felt. He mustn't do this to me... He shouldn't. Making me feel such strange emotions, that isn't his place.

He looks uneasy, maybe because I forced my hand away from his though, I'm not quite sure. "I won't apologize for this..." He says sounding rejected. "Shall I join you?" He asks after already sitting down next to me, not even needing an answer. This man he is certainly unusual, one doesn't do such things to someone especially if he believes I'm a lady.

"Seeing as you've already joined me it seems you already have your answer" I state, he chuckles.

"A funny one aren't you?" He asks but it's more like saying it then asking, what does one say to that? I am utterly confused.

"Sure you can say that..." He adjusts his position to lay down, he might catch a cold in the snow like this, it's coming down pretty heavy. Maybe we should return. The knights seem to be continuing though, as if the cold doesn't bother them. The snow catches in his eyelashes, what a beautiful scene... Snow decorating his hair, this makes me feel a strange feeling inside, I'm not sure...