CHAPTER 52

Fragments of the Past

Fire explodes behind my eyes.

I stagger, breath ripping from my lungs as the device floods my brain with memories long buried, long erased. It's like a dam breaking inside me, years of forgotten moments crashing over me in violent waves.

Gunfire.

Blood.

Screams.

My body jerks as images slam into me one after the other—too fast, too sharp, cutting through my mind like shattered glass. My heart pounds, my knees buckle, and for a terrifying second, I don't know where I am.

A rooftop, rain slamming against my skin. The acrid smell of gunpowder thick in the air.

A dark alley, my hands covered in something warm.

A face—blurred, just out of reach—eyes wide, lips parting to speak.

Then—

A body.

On the ground.

And me. Standing over it.

My stomach twists violently. I stumble backward, barely aware of Riley's voice calling my name. The floor beneath me tilts, and I crash against the wall, gasping for air.

No. No, this can't be real.

"Nathan."

Julian's voice is smooth, deliberate. A cruel sort of satisfaction laces his tone, but I barely hear it over the roar in my head.

I lift my shaking hands, staring at them as if the blood from my memories might still be there.

It's not. But I swear I can feel it.

"Nathan," Julian repeats, stepping closer, watching me like a predator savoring the moment before the kill. "Now do you see why you erased it?"

I clench my jaw so tightly my teeth ache. My body trembles, muscles coiled so tight they might snap.

Riley kneels beside me, her fingers brushing my arm, her touch grounding me in the present. "Nathan," she whispers, but I can't look at her. Not when my mind is splintering apart.

I press my palms to my temples, squeezing my eyes shut. "This isn't real."

Julian chuckles. "Oh, but it is. You just spent so long running from it, you convinced yourself otherwise."

A fresh wave of memories surges forward, and I choke back a cry.

A gun in my hand.

A voice in my ear. Pull the trigger, Nathan. You know what must be done.

And then—

A single shot.

A body hitting the ground.

My own ragged breathing, my own whispered words—I'm sorry.

My eyes snap open, and my whole body lurches forward as I gasp for breath. It's like drowning and finally breaching the surface, only to find the water has followed me.

Riley grips my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "Nathan, look at me. Tell me what you saw."

I shake my head. "I—I don't know."

It's a lie.

I know exactly what I saw.

But I don't want to say it out loud.

Julian watches me, tilting his head. "You're getting there, aren't you? The missing pieces are slotting into place."

I squeeze my eyes shut again. My pulse is erratic, my chest rising and falling too fast.

I remember standing over that body. I remember the suffocating weight of it, the moment I knew—really knew—that nothing would ever be the same again.

But I don't know who it was.

I don't know who I killed.

And that's the worst part.

"Enough," Riley snaps, turning to Julian with fire in her eyes. "He's had enough."

Julian sighs, shaking his head. "That's not your call to make."

She steps in front of me, shielding me as if she can physically block the memories from hitting me. "You wanted him to remember. He does. Now leave him alone."

Julian's lips curl into something that might be amusement, might be cruelty. "Oh, but he doesn't remember everything yet." His gaze flicks to me, dark and knowing. "Do you, Nathan?"

My breath shudders.

I don't answer.

Because he's right.

The worst is still hidden in the shadows.

The truth is circling me, just beyond reach, waiting for me to finally grab hold of it.

I close my eyes again, but it doesn't stop the memories from unspooling inside me like a broken reel of film.

Gunfire.

Pain.

A betrayal so deep it hollowed me out.

And then—

That body.

That face.

My heart stops.

The image sharpens, the blur fading.

And I see—

The breath punches out of my lungs, and my entire body locks up. My hands slam against the cold floor as the realization crashes over me like a tidal wave.

No.

No, no, no—

Not them.

Not her.

I choke on air, shaking so violently I can't think straight.

Because I know who it was now.

I know who I killed.

And the weight of it is unbearable.

The pain is razor-sharp, cutting straight through my chest. My throat closes up. My vision swims.

Julian smirks. "There it is."

I can't breathe.

Can't move.

Because the truth isn't just painful.

It's unforgivable.

And as Riley's voice calls my name, as the room tilts and my mind spirals—

One final thought takes hold.

Some things were never meant to be remembered.