Chapter 15: The Emperor’s Seat is Wherever He Falls
Ren woke up to pain.
Not the sharp, immediate kind more like the deep, throbbing ache that settled into his bones and refused to leave. His limbs felt like lead. His head pounded like someone had mistaken his skull for a drum.
But he wasn't dead. He counted that as a win.
The system chimed, far too cheerfully for his current state.
---
[Indomitable Slouch: HP Regeneration Complete.]
[Current HP: 100%]
[Current MP: 100%]
[Bonus Effect: Mild soreness remains for realism. Get over it.]
---
Ren groaned. "Realism sucks…"
He cracked an eye open. The campfire flickered nearby, casting dancing shadows over the trees. Aria sat against a rock, sharpening her sword with slow, deliberate strokes. Garth snoozed face-down in the dirt like a corpse.
Ren envied him.
Aria noticed him stirring. Her eyes narrowed immediately. "You're awake. Great. Now I can yell at you."
Ren blinked slowly. "Too tired for that."
"Tough," she snapped. "You passed out for an entire day after pulling whatever nonsense that was. Garth and I had to drag your sorry ass here while you snored like a dying bear."
Ren yawned. "Sounds like a you problem."
Aria's eye twitched dangerously. "I hate you so much."
The system chimed.
---
[Passive Skill Activated: Deadweight Resolve]
[+5% Strength to Allies per second of continued lazing.]
[Total Buff Accumulated: +4,320% Strength, +4,320% Defense]
[Bonus Effect: Allies are now too strong to reasonably complain.]
---
Aria stared at her sword, which was now glowing faintly. She exhaled sharply through her nose. "...I still hate you."
Ren grinned and flopped back onto the ground.
"Good talk."
The system wasn't done yet.
---
[New Mission: Rise of the Idle Tyrant Part 2]
[Objective: Command your party without standing up for 12 consecutive hours.]
[Reward: ???]
[Penalty: Forced exercise.]
---
Ren's grin widened.
"Looks like I'm calling the shots from here."
Aria's glare could've melted steel.
"Over my dead body."
---
[Optional Side Mission Activated: "Fine, Over Her Dead Body"]
[Objective: Prove you can lead without lifting a finger.]
[Reward: Title "Lazy Godfather"]
[Bonus Reward: Aria's Respect (Probably Not)]
---
Ren laughed until his ribs hurt.
"Yeah, I'm definitely doing this one."
Aria didn't even ask. She just sighed and went back to sharpening her sword, muttering about idiots and divine punishments.
The fire crackled softly. Garth snored like a bear in hibernation.
Ren, as usual, did nothing.
The system chimed again.
---
[Reminder: Throne of the Idle Emperor Time Remaining: 18 Hours]
---
Ren groaned. Eighteen hours. He could barely stay awake for two.
"Hey." He squinted at Aria. "How's the food situation?"
Aria paused, eyeing him suspiciously. "Why?"
Ren grinned lazily. "Because I'm hungry. And if I'm hungry, that means you're cooking."
Aria stared at him for a long moment, her hand gripping her sword just a little too tightly.
"You realize I could stab you, right?"
Ren shrugged. "You could try. But I'm pretty sure Garth would stop you."
Aria glanced at Garth, still face-down in the dirt. He let out a snore that sounded suspiciously like a dying cow.
"Yeah," she muttered. "Real reliable."
Ren leaned his head back. The grass felt weirdly comfortable or maybe his body was too exhausted to care.
"Wake him up. We need food. And maybe a plan."
"You wake him up," Aria snapped.
Ren's grin widened. "I would… but I'm kinda busy being the strategist here."
Aria stared at him, her expression a mix of rage and disbelief. For a second, Ren thought she might actually stab him.
Instead, she let out a long sigh, muttering something about divine punishments and idiots. She stood up and walked over to Garth, giving him a solid kick in the ribs.
Garth groaned. "M'not dead yet…"
"Wake up, dumbass." Aria crossed her arms. "Ren's awake and demanding food."
Garth blinked blearily at her, then looked at Ren.
"...Of course he is."
Ren gave a lazy wave. "Good to see you, buddy."
Garth sighed and sat up, running a hand through his tangled hair. "Yeah, yeah. What do you want?"
"Food. And a plan." Ren smirked. "Preferably in that order."
Garth shook his head. "You're a nightmare."
The system chimed.
---
[Party Morale Increased: +10%]
[Bonus Effect: Garth is now too tired to argue.]
---
Ren grinned. "See? I'm a motivational leader."
Aria snorted. "You're an ass."
Ren yawned again, feeling his eyelids droop. He could probably sneak in a quick nap before they finished cooking.
The system chimed once more.
---
[Hidden Perk Unlocked: Emperor's Nap]
[Effect: Gain +20% XP and +10% Skill Proficiency per hour of uninterrupted sleep.]
[Bonus Effect: If woken up prematurely, glare at the offender to inflict 'Mild Guilt.']
---
Ren's grin didn't fade as his eyes shut.
Yeah. This was the life.
Let the world figure itself out for a while. He was busy doing nothing.
---