Chapter 16: Lazy Tyrant’s Masterclass
Ren woke up to the smell of something cooking. Not just something something good. His stomach growled in agreement. He didn't even bother opening his eyes.
"Smells nice. Good job, team. I'm proud of you."
"Bite me," Aria's voice snapped back, her usual pleasant tone of barely-contained murder.
Ren lazily peeked one eye open. Aria was stirring a pot over the campfire, and Garth was half-dozing against a tree, looking like a man who'd given up on life but still wasn't lucky enough to die yet.
"Did you poison it?" Ren yawned.
"Not yet."
"Cool, cool. Let me know if you do. Gotta build up that resistance early."
The system chimed, ever so helpful.
---
[Passive Skill Activated: Delusional Confidence]
[Effect: Immunity to non-lethal poisons is now 10% more effective even the ones Aria considers.]
---
Aria stared at him like she could hear the system herself. "I swear, Ren, one day..."
"One day what? You'll admit you love me? It's okay, Aria. Feelings are hard."
Her eye twitched so hard Ren swore it counted as cardio.
---
[Optional Mission Progress: "Fine, Over Her Dead Body" 15% Complete]
[Bonus Objective: Survive Aria's Fury (Ongoing)]
---
Ren stretched well, mentally stretched and sat up about two inches before deciding that was enough effort for today. He flopped back down and exhaled deeply.
"So, what's the plan?" he asked, voice muffled by the grass.
"You're the 'strategist,'" Aria muttered.
"Damn right I am." Ren smirked. "Alright, listen up. Here's the plan: Garth, you gather firewood. Aria, you scout ahead and make sure we're not about to walk into an ogre rave. I'll supervise."
Aria stared at him. "You literally cannot supervise if you're lying down."
Ren nodded sagely. "That's where you're wrong. I can see the bigger picture from here. It's like a top-down strategy game."
Garth groaned. "Ren, if you get us killed, I'm haunting you."
"Joke's on you I'm unhauntable."
The system chimed again.
---
[Passive Skill Unlocked: Spiritual Deadbeat]
[Effect: Immune to hauntings. Ghosts feel vaguely disappointed and leave.]
---
Ren laughed so hard he almost sat up. Almost.
"Alright, alright. New plan," Ren said, still grinning. "Aria, take point. Garth, stick with her and make sure she doesn't stab anyone important. I'll handle communications."
"How?" Aria raised a brow.
Ren blinked. "Telepathically."
"You don't have telepathy."
Ren grinned. "Yet."
The system, once again proving that enabling him was its only purpose, chimed.
---
[New Skill Acquired: Lazy Link (Lv.1)]
[Effect: Allows one-way telepathic communication with party members. Voice sounds mildly condescending.]
[Bonus Effect: Causes minor irritation to the receiver.]
---
Aria froze mid-step. "…Did you just think at me?"
"Yup." Ren's grin widened. "Pretty cool, right?"
"Get out of my head."
"Can't. It's cozy in here."
Aria slowly turned to face him, her sword very deliberately unsheathing.
Ren didn't flinch. "You stab me, you lose the buff."
Aria twitched again but, to his surprise, put her sword away.
"I'm only sparing you because I like the strength boost," she growled.
Ren gave her a lazy thumbs-up. "That's the spirit, partner."
---
[Optional Mission Progress: "Fine, Over Her Dead Body" 42% Complete]
[Bonus Objective: Annoy Aria Without Dying (75% Success)]
---
Garth came back from gathering wood, looking more tired than when he left. He dropped the bundle unceremoniously.
"Found some firewood," he grumbled. "Also found a cave full of bears."
"Did you poke them?" Ren asked.
"No."
"Why not?"
Garth blinked. "Why the hell would I poke a bear, Ren?"
Ren shrugged. "Could've been a friendly bear."
Garth stared at him for a long moment. "You're a menace."
"Yeah, but I'm your menace."
The system chimed again.
---
[Party Morale Increased: +5%]
[Bonus Effect: Garth is too emotionally exhausted to argue.]
---
Aria returned from scouting, looking particularly annoyed. "We've got a problem."
"Is it bears?" Ren asked hopefully.
"No."
"Disappointing."
Aria's eye twitched again. "It's worse. There's a bandit camp up ahead. Big one."
Ren frowned. "How big?"
"Big enough that we're gonna die if we charge in head-on."
Ren grinned. "Good thing we're not doing that."
Aria blinked. "…We're not?"
"Hell no. Why fight when you can outsmart them?"
Garth groaned. "This is gonna be stupid, isn't it?"
Ren's grin widened dangerously. "Oh, absolutely."
---
[New Mission: Rise of the Idle Tyrant Part 3]
[Objective: Defeat the bandit camp without lifting a finger.]
[Reward: ???]
[Penalty: Manual labor.]
---
"Alright, team," Ren said, voice full of lazy confidence. "Let's rob some bandits."
Aria stared at him like she wanted to kill him and kiss him in equal measure. Garth just looked resigned.
Ren? He leaned back into the grass and closed his eyes again.
This was gonna be fun.
---