Chapter 24: The Trade War That Ren Won in His Sleep
Ren was having an amazing dream.
He was lying on a golden cloud, floating in an endless sky of comfort, while celestial beings sang lullabies about his supreme laziness. His Blanket of Absolute Dominion kept him warm, and Snoozeladon was curled up beside him, occasionally puffing out vanilla-scented smoke rings.
It was perfect.
Then Aria kicked the door open again.
Ren barely cracked an eye open. "Aria, I swear if this isn't life-threatening, I'm"
"It Is life-threatening!" she shouted, looking beyond frustrated. "But not for you. The entire Merchant Guild is in chaos! There's a massive trade war happening outside!"
Ren groaned and pulled his blanket higher. "Cool, tell me how it ends."
Aria nearly exploded. "REN!"
The system dinged cheerfully.
---
[Passive Ability Activated: Rewarded for Inaction]
[Effect: The longer you ignore economic disputes, the higher your nation's GDP rises.]
[Bonus Effect: Merchant Guilds will automatically try to one-up each other by increasing tributes to you.]
---
Ren peeked at the glowing notification. "Sounds like my economy is handling itself just fine."
Aria looked ready to strangle him. "NO, IT'S NOT! Every merchant in the kingdom is fighting to be your 'official trade partner'! They've been trying to outbid each other for DAYS!"
Ren yawned. "So let them."
"You don't understand! This morning, the Sapphire Trade Syndicate offered 50% of their annual profits just to be recognized as your 'Most Favored Merchants'"
Ren whistled. "That's generous."
Aria's eye twitched. "Then the Golden Bank of Alveron countered by offering free banking services for life."
Ren blinked. "Oh? That's pretty good."
"And THEN," Aria continued, her voice rising, "The Platinum Consortium lost their minds and offered to hand over their entire fleet just so they wouldn't lose favor!"
Ren let out a low whistle. "Huh. My empire's got boats now."
Aria buried her face in her hands. "This isn't normal! Do you realize what this means?! You're on the verge of an economic monopoly without doing anything!"
The system dinged again, almost smug.
---
[New Title Unlocked: The Sleeping Tycoon]
[Effect: Every major trade guild now competes to out-bribe you for favor.]
[Bonus Effect: Personal vault now fills itself with gold at random intervals.]
---
Ren glanced at the new title, then at Aria, then back at the title. He grinned. "Hey, Aria?"
She groaned. "What?"
"How does it feel knowing I run the world economy from my bed?"
Aria let out an unholy screech and stormed out of the room before she could commit treason.
Garth wandered in, as unfazed as ever. "Heard the economy fixed itself again."
Ren stretched lazily. "Yep. I'm basically the Stock Market God now."
Garth nodded. "Cool. You wanna try this golden apple? The merchants started throwing free luxury goods at the palace hoping you'd wake up and endorse their stuff."
Ren grabbed the apple and took a bite. "Mmm. Yeah, five stars."
The system chimed.
---
[New Passive Ability Acquired: Effortless Endorsement]
[Effect: Any food you eat is automatically declared a legendary delicacy, increasing demand worldwide.]
[Bonus Effect: All chefs in the kingdom now worship you as the 'Supreme Gourmet Overlord.']
---
Ren blinked. "Huh. Neat."
At that moment, a literal army of chefs stormed into the palace courtyard, carrying gilded platters stacked with exotic dishes, their eyes filled with fanatical devotion.
The head chef, a man with a hat so tall it defied gravity, knelt before the throne room door.
"Your Majesty, we have prepared the ultimate feast, using only ingredients from the rarest corners of the world! Please, honor us with your divine taste!"
Ren popped another bite of golden apple into his mouth.
The entire crowd of chefs fainted from sheer enlightenment.
Aria, who had returned just in time to witness this madness, stood there, completely broken.
Garth clapped slowly. "Congrats. You made an entire industry collapse just by chewing."
Ren grinned. "I love my job."
---
Meanwhile, in the Merchant War Zone…
The top guild leaders stood in a grand conference hall, sweating bullets.
"We can't let the Sapphire Syndicate win!" one merchant lord hissed. "If they gain the king's favor, we're ruined!"
"But the Platinum Consortium already gave up their fleet!" another panicked. "What else is left to offer?!"
Silence.
Then, one merchant, pale and desperate, whispered:
"...We give him a kingdom."
Everyone turned to stare.
The man gulped. "L-Look, none of us can outbid each other in wealth anymore. But if we pool our influence… we could buy out a neighboring kingdom and offer it as tribute. That way, we win the king's favor permanently!"
Murmurs of agreement rippled through the hall. It was insane, but at this point, insanity was their only option.
And so, an emergency "Buy a Kingdom for Ren" fund was established.
---
Back at the Pillow Fortress…
Another messenger, looking half-dead from exhaustion, stumbled into Ren's room.
"Y-YOUR MAJESTY!" he gasped. "T-The… the Merchant Guilds… They—"
Ren lazily turned his head. "Lemme guess. They gave me a country?"
The messenger collapsed on the floor, sobbing.
"Y-Yes! An entire kingdom! The Platinum Consortium, Golden Bank, and Sapphire Syndicate formed a joint alliance and bought the neighboring country of Eldoria just to give it to you!"
Ren blinked. "...Wait. I actually own another kingdom now?"
The system chimed again.
---
[Quest Complete: Win a Kingdom Without Moving]
[Reward: Eldoria is now under your rule.]
[Bonus Reward: Royal Mattress of Unshakable Authority (Increases empire stability while reclining.)]
---
A massive, absurdly fluffy mattress materialized beside him, glowing with a divine aura.
Ren stared at it for a long moment.
Then he turned to Aria, smirking. "So, uh… are you still mad?"
Aria took a deep breath, visibly shaking.
Then she picked up a marshmallow sword and threw it at him.
---
Final Scene: The World Reacts
Across the continent, kings, emperors, and warlords alike panicked at the sudden revelation:
The Slumbering King now owned multiple nations.
Countries that had spent decades fighting over territory had just lost an entire kingdom to a guy who refused to get out of bed.
Fear spread.
New political strategies were formed.
And soon, an alliance of terrified monarchs gathered for one purpose:
To figure out how to keep Ren from accidentally taking over the world.
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