Chapter 28: The Grand Bureaucratic Crisis of Doing Nothing
Ren, Supreme Sovereign of Slumber, Grand Overlord of Leisure, and Undisputed Monarch of Maximum Recline, stretched lazily on his Celestial Nap Throne. His empire now spanned the known world, his people lived in unparalleled comfort, and his enemies had either surrendered or spontaneously defected.
Life was perfect.
Until Aria burst into the room, dragging an entire stack of golden parchment behind her. "REN! We have a problem!"
Ren lazily rolled onto his side. "Too much peace?"
"No! It's… it's…!" Aria inhaled sharply. "Bureaucracy."
Ren frowned. "Huh?"
Garth leaned over, inspecting the mountain of golden paperwork. "Ah. The administrative nightmare of ruling the world. Makes sense."
Aria waved a particularly large scroll at him. "Look at this! The Empire of Varenth wants to know if they should switch their official state animal to the 'Celestial Sleepy Cat' in your honor! The Duchy of Illion needs your approval for their annual 'Festival of Naps' budget! The High Elves of Sylphora are demanding you officially define what constitutes 'Ultimate Relaxation' for religious purposes!"
Ren blinked. "So… can't we just say 'yes' to all of it?"
Aria looked ready to combust. "REN. If we don't define 'Ultimate Relaxation' properly, the elves might splinter into sects! We could have theological warfare over pillow preferences!"
The system chimed.
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[Passive Ability Activated: Rewarded for Inaction]
[Effect: The more problems you ignore, the more efficiently they solve themselves.] [Bonus Effect: Bureaucracy will self-regulate in ways that favor you.]
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Ren scratched his chin. "So if I do nothing…?"
At that exact moment, a group of elven scholars outside the palace collectively gasped.
"We have it!" one declared. "The Sleep King remains silent! His lack of response means we must seek the answer within ourselves!"
Immediately, the High Elves of Sylphora entered a deep meditation, achieving enlightenment on what 'Ultimate Relaxation' truly meant. Pillow sectarianism was averted.
Aria's eye twitched. "No. No, that does NOT make sense."
Another messenger ran in. "Your Majesty! The Festival of Naps has organized itself without need for funds! Merchants are donating pillows and blankets of their own volition, and the event has grown ten times larger than last year!"
Aria threw her hands up. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!"
The system chimed again.
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[New Title Unlocked: The Sovereign Who Does Not Rule]
[Effect: The less you intervene in governance, the more perfectly your empire functions.]
[Bonus Effect: Officials will instinctively make the correct decisions without needing your input.]
---
Garth chuckled. "So what I'm hearing is… if Ren does literally nothing, the empire runs smoother than ever?"
Aria grabbed a pillow and screamed into it.
Meanwhile, Ren stretched again, watching as yet another stack of golden parchment vanished into thin air. "Well, looks like everything sorted itself out."
At that moment, a trembling court official entered, holding an ornate chest. "Your Majesty… the kingdoms of the world have come together to honor your unparalleled wisdom and guidance."
He opened the chest, revealing…
A single, pristine, impossibly comfortable pillow.
The system chimed again.
---
[New Passive Ability Unlocked: Supreme Comfort]
[Effect: Any surface you rest on will become the pinnacle of relaxation.]
[Bonus Effect: The longer you remain seated, the more your aura inspires absolute peace in your surroundings.]
---
Ren flopped onto his throne, sinking into the newly gifted divine pillow. "Mmm. Nice."
A wave of tranquility swept through the palace. Outside, trade disputes resolved themselves, political rivalries dissolved into casual tea gatherings, and even the weather seemed to adjust itself for optimal lounging conditions.
Aria stared at Ren, then at the now-perfect empire, then back at Ren. "I hate you."
Ren yawned. "Love you too, Aria."
And thus, the Grand Bureaucratic Crisis… was effortlessly resolved.
By doing nothing.
Again.
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