Chapter 27: The Great Pillow Rebellion
Ren had long since stopped questioning reality. He had achieved a state of existence where effort was an outdated concept, and naps were a viable war strategy.
And yet, the universe continued to reward him for doing absolutely nothing.
Aria, who had now cycled through every known stage of disbelief, slammed yet another parchment on Ren's face. "Ren! The 'Anti-Nap Coalition' just collapsed!"
Ren, half-buried under an avalanche of newly delivered divine pillows, lazily shifted one off his face. "Huh. What happened?"
Aria's eye twitched. "They tried to resist your influence by outlawing naps. Instead, their citizens revolted and overthrew their governments in what historians are now calling… THE GREAT PILLOW REBELLION."
The system dinged.
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[Passive Ability Activated: Revolutionary Comfort]
[Effect: The more people are denied relaxation, the more likely they are to start a rebellion in your name.]
[Bonus Effect: Rebellions will be armed with enchanted pillows capable of knocking out tyrants on impact.]
---
Ren blinked. "…So people are now overthrowing their rulers… with pillows?"
Garth nodded sagely. "And winning."
The doors burst open as yet another envoy staggered in. "Your Majesty! The people of Zalthos have risen up and declared you their eternal ruler!"
Ren sighed, stretching. "Alright, alright. What tribute are they offering?"
The envoy bowed so low his nose nearly hit the floor. "They present… THE EVERLASTING LAZYBOY THRONE."
A god-tier recliner materialized beside him, radiating an aura of pure comfort. The system chimed again.
---
[New Title Unlocked: Monarch of Maximum Recline]
[Effect: The more you recline, the greater your divine presence becomes.]
[Bonus Effect: Throne automatically adjusts to provide peak comfort, enhancing all passive abilities.]
---
Ren slowly sank into the divine recliner. It adjusted instantly, cradling him in heavenly support.
Three more nations surrendered immediately.
Aria's sanity hit critical levels. "REN, YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP WINNING BY SITTING THERE!"
Ren cracked an eye open. "Why not?"
Aria grabbed the nearest chair and chucked it out the window. "BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE!"
The system dinged again.
---
[Passive Ability Upgraded: Effortless Dominion]
[Effect: The less sense your victories make, the stronger your empire becomes.]
[Bonus Effect: Reality itself will conspire to ensure your success.]
---
Ren smirked. "Well, Aria, the system says I have to keep winning like this now."
Aria groaned into her hands. "I hate everything."
Meanwhile, outside the palace, chaos reigned. Nations that had previously prided themselves on military strength now found their generals defecting because "Ren's empire has better break rooms."
Even the most war-hardened commanders found themselves questioning their allegiances. One infamous warlord sat in his tent, staring at the reports of entire armies refusing to march because "the enemy king lets his soldiers have nap breaks."
Another kingdom's spies returned after a daring mission… only to report that they, too, had defected because Ren's palace had heated blankets.
The warlord buried his face in his hands. "This… this isn't how conquest works."
His own soldiers nodded solemnly. "Sire, perhaps… we, too, should join him?"
And so, Ren's empire grew again.
The system chimed once more.
---
[New Achievement Unlocked: The Sleep That Conquers All]
[Reward: Dreambound Citadel: A floating fortress that absorbs the concept of resistance itself.]
---
Back in the palace, Ren raised an eyebrow as an entire floating castle phased into existence outside his window.
Aria let out a strangled scream. "REN. YOU GOT A CASTLE FOR FREE. A FLOATING. REALITY-WARPING. CASTLE."
Ren shrugged. "Cool. Let's call it… Naplantis."
Garth slow-clapped. "Majestic."
The world, as usual, panicked. The last remaining independent nations held one final emergency summit.
"We have but one option left," declared the last unconquered emperor. "We must appeal to him directly."
And so, a grand delegation was sent, filled with rulers, nobles, and diplomats, all hoping to negotiate with the Sleeping King himself.
They arrived at his palace… and found Ren mid-nap.
The delegation, awed by his divine stillness, hesitated.
The Emperor of the Eastern Realms gulped. "I… I feel like we shouldn't disturb him."
The King of the North nodded solemnly. "To wake him would be blasphemy."
A noble stepped forward nervously. "Perhaps… we should just, um… surrender?"
Silence.
Then, one by one, the rulers knelt.
And so, without lifting a single finger, Ren conquered the world.
The system dinged for the final time that day.
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[Final Achievement Unlocked: Absolute Sovereign of Slumber]
[Reward: ???]
---
A mysterious golden scroll appeared before Ren, glowing with celestial energy.
Aria took one look at it and bolted out of the room screaming.
Garth leaned over. "So… you gonna open it?"
Ren smirked. "Nah. Maybe later."
And with that, the most powerful being in existence… took another nap.
And the world belonged to him.
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