Chapter 26: The Pillow Throne Expands
Ren had officially reached the pinnacle of existence.
He was sprawled out on his newly acquired Celestial Nap Throne, a divine hybrid between a throne and a mattress, floating just slightly above the floor in a perpetual state of maximum comfort. Every time he reclined a little further, his empire inexplicably expanded.
Aria, standing at the edge of sanity, clutched her temples. "Ren, PLEASE tell me you understand what you've done."
Ren yawned. "Yeah, yeah. Another kingdom surrendered while I blinked."
She threw a parchment at his face. "Not just one! THREE! The Empire of Varenth, the Duchy of Illion, and the High Elves of Sylphora ALL declared you as their supreme ruler overnight!"
Ren lazily pushed the parchment off his face. "Nice. How's the treasury looking?"
Aria trembled. "It's INFINITE! The Merchant Guilds won't stop throwing gold at you, the elves sent enough enchanted silk to weave a floating fortress, and Illion's alchemists just delivered a shipment of Elixirs of Eternal Vitality!"
Ren's eyebrow twitched. "Eternal vitality, huh? So… what happens if I drink one?"
Aria's expression darkened. "…You might become unkillable."
Ren scratched his chin. "Neat."
Garth, sitting nearby, slowly nodded. "You should chug it."
Aria threw her hands in the air. "NO, HE SHOULD NOT! Ren, if you become immortal, NO ONE will ever challenge your rule again!"
Ren smirked. "Sounds peaceful."
The system chimed.
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[Passive Ability Activated: Eternal Couch Potato]
[Effect: The longer you stay in one place, the more legends form around your existence.] [Bonus Effect: Followers will assume your lack of movement is part of a divine plan.]
---
Ren grinned. "Hey Aria. Guess what?"
Aria groaned. "What?"
"I've officially become a religion."
Aria slammed her head against the wall.
The Formation of the Slumbering Faith
The very next day, a delegation of priests arrived at the palace, robes flowing, eyes glowing with newfound zeal.
The High Priest, an elderly man with a ridiculously tall hat, knelt before Ren. "O Great Dreamer, we have received your sacred revelations. Your divine laziness is the path to enlightenment!"
Ren blinked. "Huh? What revelations?"
The priest held up a sacred scroll. "We analyzed your Holy Non-Actions and realized that the less effort one exerts, the greater their blessings become! Thus, we have established the Slumbering Faith!"
Ren nodded. "Sounds legit. What do I get?"
The priest's eyes sparkled. "We are building the Grand Temple of Tranquil Slumber in your honor, where your sacred teachings will be studied! Also, all taxes from our nation will be paid directly in supreme quality bedding and exotic sleep-enhancing delicacies."
The system dinged.
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[New Title Unlocked: God of Lounging] [Effect: All religious institutions now revere you as the embodiment of ultimate relaxation.] [Bonus Effect: Priests and monks will compete to offer you the softest cushions known to existence.]
---
Ren picked up one of the new pillows that had materialized beside him and gave it a soft squeeze. "Mmm. Nice."
Aria twitched. "D-Do you realize what you've done?! You've accidentally created a worldwide religion dedicated to doing absolutely NOTHING!"
Garth shrugged. "Pretty solid doctrine."
The High Priest bowed. "We shall now return to spread the Gospel of Rest!"
With that, the entire delegation immediately took a nap in unison.
Ren grinned. "Best followers ever."
The Great Nap Crusade
Meanwhile, in the kingdoms that had yet to surrender…
Several rulers sat in their war chambers, pale and trembling.
The King of Drovos slammed his fist on the table. "This is madness! Every kingdom that resists him… just stops resisting! Our spies report that the moment a ruler acknowledges Ren's existence, they're overcome with an unexplainable urge to offer their lands!"
A warlord stood up. "We must fight back!"
"How?!" another snapped. "His empire grows without war! There are no battles to win! No armies to fight! The moment we oppose him, our own advisors start suggesting we send him tributes!"
Silence.
Then, one desperate general hesitated. "…We could try ignoring him."
The room fell deathly still.
The King of Drovos gulped. "And risk accidentally joining him in our sleep?! No! We must take drastic action!"
And thus, the greatest military minds in the world decided the only way to defeat Ren was…
…to nap-proof their entire kingdom.
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Emergency Edicts Declared Across the Continent:
NO BEDS larger than standard size.
Naps over 30 minutes = Illegal.
All citizens must run at least five miles daily to resist the "Pull of the Slumbering King."
The result?
People started rebelling.
Across multiple nations, furious citizens protested against their governments for denying them their right to sleep!
One particularly enraged noble shouted: "We demand Blankets of Absolute Dominion for EVERY household!"
Another cried, "DOWN WITH THE NO-NAP TYRANTS!"
And thus, completely unintentionally…
Ren triggered a global revolution.
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[New Passive Ability Activated: Sovereign of Slumber] [Effect: The more people are denied naps, the more they desire to join your empire.] [Bonus Effect: Opposing rulers suffer chronic insomnia, weakening their decision-making.]
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Back in the palace, Ren took a deep breath.
"So what you're telling me is…"
Garth smirked. "You started a Nap Crusade."
Ren grinned. "Best. War. Ever."
Aria collapsed.
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And thus, as the world struggled against the Unstoppable Kingdom of Effortless Domination, Ren did what he did best..
Absolutely nothing.
And the empire only grew stronger.
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