Beginning of Impulse

Mara sat hunched over her computer in the quiet of her room, the only light coming from the faint glow of her screen. She was twelve, just beginning to learn about the strange world of online relationships, not entirely sure what it all meant, but feeling more alive than she had in a long time.

She clicked open the message from Monster. His name wasn't really Monster, but that's what he went by on the game. At first, she thought it was kind of funny—just a guy playing around, nothing too serious. But as the days turned into weeks, something shifted. His messages became more than just friendly banter; they became something that made her feel… seen.

"Hey, you up?" it read, his usual casual message. But it made her stomach flutter in a way she didn't expect. She wasn't used to anyone reaching out to her first, especially not a guy who seemed to know just what to say.

"Yeah, I'm here," she replied quickly, almost too eagerly.

Their conversations flowed easily. He'd ask about her day, about school, about her life, and, more importantly, he seemed to care about her answers. It wasn't like her friends in real life, who would talk about their own things and barely notice what she had to say. Monster was different. He paid attention. And, before long, he was telling her things like, "You're so smart, I love how you think," and "I really like talking to you, you make me laugh."

Lyn had never been the type to draw attention to herself. At school, she kept mostly to herself, observing, listening, but rarely speaking up. No one really noticed her—not in a way that felt important. But online, with Monster, it felt like she mattered. And, at twelve, that was everything. The constant messages, the late-night conversations, they became her escape from the loneliness she sometimes felt during the day.

One night, after hours of chatting, Monster asked her something that made her heart skip a beat.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Mara froze. The question hung in the air like a weight. A part of her didn't even know what it meant, not really. She'd heard people talk about having boyfriends and girlfriends before, but she hadn't experienced anything like that. But Monster made her feel wanted, and that was something she craved. More than she'd realized.

She hesitated, her mind racing. What should I say? Is this what I want?

Without thinking too much, she typed out a response. "Sure."

Her thumb hovered over the "send" button for a moment, and then she clicked it, almost as if the decision had been made for her. It wasn't the best decision, but it felt easy in the moment. And, deep down, she wanted to believe it was the right one.

As the days passed, Monster became more intense. His messages were filled with affection—sometimes too much, too soon. He would say things like, "I miss you" or "You're mine now." But at first, it didn't feel wrong. She was flattered. He was paying attention to her, and she liked it. It felt nice to be wanted.

But soon, Monster started demanding more of her time, more of her attention. His messages became less about her and more about him—where was she, who was she talking to, why hadn't she replied right away? The once sweet words now carried a sharp edge, as though she was expected to be available to him all the time.

Mara began to feel trapped.

Around this time, Kaden entered the picture. He was kind and patient. He was different from Monster—he didn't demand her attention; he just made her feel comfortable. When they talked, it felt natural. He didn't bombard her with messages; instead, he was interested in her thoughts, her opinions, and that felt like a breath of fresh air.

At first, Mara tried to convince herself that it was nothing. That Kaden was just another friend. But the more she talked to him, the more she realized how much she enjoyed his company. He didn't rush her, he didn't expect anything from her. With Kaden, it felt easy to be herself.

But there was a problem. She was already with Monster. And Kaden didn't know about him. Mara felt a growing sense of guilt, a heaviness in her chest whenever they talked. She didn't want to hurt Kaden, but she couldn't deny how she felt when she was talking to him. Kaden was sweet, and Monster was starting to suffocate her.

One night, after another long, draining conversation with Monster, Mara stared at her screen, torn. Her heart raced as she weighed her options. She didn't want to let anyone down, but the guilt was overwhelming. She didn't want to keep lying to Kaden, even if it was by omission. She was still talking to him, even while Monster was demanding more of her. And the worst part was, she didn't even know how to get out of this mess.

Without thinking, she messaged Monster.

"I can't do this anymore," she typed, her hands trembling. "I'm sorry, but it's over."

Her heart thudded in her chest as she hit send. She quickly closed the screen and took a deep breath, feeling a mix of relief and fear. The decision was made, but she wasn't sure if it was the right one.

The next day, Monster came back with an apology. He said he understood, that he would give her space, but that he still cared about her. Mara, still raw and confused, felt guilty all over again. He seemed sincere, like he really wanted to change. Maybe I was too quick to end it, she thought.

So, in a moment of weakness, she messaged him again.

"Okay, let's try again."

It wasn't long before she was back in the same situation. She didn't know how to get out of it—how to break free from the guilt that clung to her like a shadow. The more she tried to make sense of it all, the more she felt herself spiraling. She wasn't sure if it was love, or if it was just the comfort of being wanted, of being noticed for the first time in her life.

But deep down, she knew one thing for sure: she had no idea what she was doing. She was playing a game, not realizing that the stakes were higher than she thought.