Caught in the Middle

Mara sat in the dim light of her room, her eyes glued to the screen of her phone, as the faint hum of the night seemed to wrap around her. Her heart still beat erratically from the whirlwind of emotions she had been living through in the past few months. She had finally broken things off with Kaden, but the guilt lingered, a heavy shadow that followed her around.

It was early 2022 now, and she thought maybe, just maybe, she had finally found some semblance of stability. But like always, the pull of something new, something different, tempted her, and she met Aki.

Aki was different. He was gentle, soft-spoken, and online—like most of the people she had gotten involved with. He lived far away, and their relationship existed in an isolated bubble of late-night messages and video calls, the kind of connection that felt safe because it was confined to a screen. He didn't know her past. He didn't know the complications that always seemed to creep up.

She felt like she could be herself with Aki, even though they had just started dating. The first time he messaged her, something inside her shifted, like a part of her long dormant had woken up. Aki was patient. He understood when she needed space and didn't push her when she seemed withdrawn. He was the first person who made her feel comfortable enough to truly laugh without feeling like she had to hide her pain.

But it wasn't long before Ishme entered the picture.

Ishme was different. There was something magnetic about him—something both enticing and dangerous. At first, it started innocently enough. They would play games together, laughing over silly moments, joking, and teasing each other in a way that made Mara feel alive. But soon, his playful comments turned into flirtatious ones. He would poke fun at her, calling her cute, making little remarks that sent a shiver down her spine.

It was all so confusing.

She was still with Aki. They had only been dating for a short while, and despite how comforting and kind Aki was, Ishme's presence in her life felt intoxicating. His attention felt like an elixir she couldn't stop drinking from.

She began to withdraw from Aki, at least emotionally. Conversations became short and strained with him, while with Ishme, she found herself eagerly waiting for his messages. It wasn't something she planned. It wasn't something she wanted, but it happened anyway. She began to justify it to herself, telling herself that Aki wouldn't know. It wasn't like she was physically with Ishme, after all. They were just friends. Or at least that's what she kept telling herself.

And then, it happened.

Aki, ever so patient, sent a message that Mara knew would change everything.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been distant lately," Aki wrote. "Is everything okay?"

Mara's heart sank. Guilt gnawed at her. She couldn't lie to him. She knew that she had already crossed a line, but she didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to admit that she had let herself get carried away by the attention Ishme gave her. It was easier to hide behind a screen, pretending everything was fine.

"I'm sorry," she replied, her fingers shaking as she typed. "I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything lately. I just need some time to think."

Aki's response was gentle, as always. "I understand. Take all the time you need."

It should've made Mara feel relieved. But instead, it made her feel like a liar. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she wasn't just overwhelmed. She had fallen into a pattern of seeking out attention that wasn't from Aki, and that realization broke something inside her.

Then there was Ishme. He was always there, always ready to make her laugh, always ready to fill the silence with something exciting, something that made her forget the guilt she felt when talking to Aki.

As the weeks went by, Mara found herself caught between two worlds. Ishme's flirtation was bold and daring, like a fire she couldn't stop feeding, while Aki's warmth and tenderness were a quiet comfort she couldn't bear to let go of. Each time she spoke to one, she felt a wave of guilt about the other. Each time she thought about telling Aki the truth, she felt her stomach twist into knots.

She wasn't in control anymore.

But she tried to convince herself that it was fine. After all, she hadn't done anything "wrong," right? She wasn't physically with either of them, and no one knew. So what harm could it really do?

But deep down, Mara knew. She knew the path she was walking on wasn't one that led to anything good. She had been down this road before—playing with fire, telling herself that she could stop before it burned everything around her. But deep down, she also knew that wasn't how it worked.

Things started to spiral. The tension between her and Aki grew, even though he had no idea what was really going on. And the more Ishme continued to flirt with her, the more Mara found herself pulled in by his charm, his attention.

And then, she did it. She broke up with Aki, blaming it on being overwhelmed, when the truth was much darker. She had allowed herself to be consumed by a feeling, by a person who wasn't Aki. She had told herself she was ready for a relationship with Aki, but the moment Ishme's attention had slipped into her life, everything changed.

Mara's world seemed to spin out of control, and she found herself torn in two.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She never wanted to hurt Aki. He had been kind to her, loving in his own way, and now she had let him go.

The moment Aki and Mara ended things, she immediately felt the pang of regret. But it was too late.

And that's when Ishme swept in.

He knew exactly how to fill the void Aki left behind, with jokes, flirtation, and messages that reminded her of the things she didn't want to feel. But with Ishme, Mara knew deep down it was only ever going to be a temporary fix. He wasn't the answer.

And yet, she allowed herself to get closer. To fall for the illusion of something easy and safe.

But there was always something missing.