Confusion and Chaos

Mara sat on her bed, her phone in her hands, the soft glow of the screen casting faint light across her face. She stared at the text conversation she had with Ev, her heart pounding. She had been messaging him for years now, their connection deepening with every conversation. With him, it was always effortless—like a deep breath after a long day, something familiar, something that made her feel like she could let her guard down and just be.

Ev was her constant. He was there for her, a steady presence that didn't ask for much but gave everything. Whenever she was feeling lost, he was the one to pull her back to reality, to remind her that it would be okay. Their late-night talks had become a ritual—a comfort Mara didn't even realize she needed until he was there, listening, laughing with her, and just understanding her in ways that no one else could.

But now, as she sat there staring at his words on her screen, she couldn't shake the nagging feeling in her chest. Something was different. She had been talking to Lee for a while now, and the rush of feelings that swirled inside her whenever she saw his name on her screen was undeniable. The pull she felt for him was something that felt… dangerous. It was exciting, unpredictable, and she couldn't help herself.

The first time Lee kissed her, it had felt like the entire world had tilted beneath her feet. They had been talking casually, as they always did, and then out of nowhere, he kissed her. It wasn't planned, not even close—but the chemistry was undeniable. His lips on hers felt like fire, like she was a moth drawn to an open flame. It was impulsive, it was reckless, and most of all, it was new.

That night, after it happened, Mara had tried to rationalize it. Maybe it didn't mean anything. Maybe it was just a mistake. But Lee had a way of making her feel things she hadn't felt before. His words were like honey, his laughter like music to her ears. She couldn't stop thinking about him, about the way he looked at her, the way his touch made her skin tingle.

And yet, she knew it was wrong. She knew it wasn't fair to Ev.

Ev had always been there, always patient and kind. He never asked anything of her, never pressured her to be anything but herself. She could tell him anything—her deepest fears, her most embarrassing moments—and he'd listen with no judgment. With Ev, she felt safe. He made her feel like she mattered, like she was enough just the way she was. But with Lee? There was no safety, only exhilaration. And that exhilaration had begun to consume her.

Mara put her phone down and buried her face in her hands, trying to gather her thoughts. She felt like she was caught in a storm, unable to stop herself from being swept away by the wind.

She knew what was happening wasn't fair to either of them. Ev deserved better, and Lee… Lee had always been honest with her, open about what he wanted. And yet, Mara had continued to dance around the truth. She had let herself get too close to both of them, knowing that something had to give. But now that the moment was here, she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to make a choice.

Her phone buzzed, pulling her from her spiraling thoughts. It was a message from Ev.

"Hey, I was thinking about you. How's your day going?"

Mara stared at the message for a long time. Her thumb hovered over the keyboard, but she couldn't bring herself to type the words she wanted to. How was her day going? Was she really ready to tell him the truth? Could she even explain everything without hurting him?

Her phone buzzed again, this time it was a message from Lee.

"Hey, you up? I've been thinking about you… I miss you."

Mara closed her eyes, leaning back on her bed. She felt like she was being pulled in two different directions. She couldn't have both of them. She couldn't keep living in this cycle of uncertainty. If she chose Lee, would she be able to let go of Ev? Would Ev hate her for what she was doing?

Mara knew one thing for sure—whatever she decided, she was going to hurt someone.

She sighed and opened the message from Ev.

"I'm good. Just… thinking."

She stared at the words for a moment, a lump forming in her throat. It was so easy to talk to him, to confide in him. But right now, she felt like she was lying to both herself and him. She couldn't keep pretending that she wasn't torn between them.

And then there was Lee. His message made her heart flutter, a stark contrast to the guilt that gnawed at her as she looked at Ev's. She had never experienced anything like the way Lee made her feel. It was as if every conversation with him was an invitation into a world where anything was possible, and it both thrilled and terrified her.

"I miss you too, Lee," she typed back, almost without thinking. It was like her fingers had a mind of their own.

Mara waited for his reply, her heart pounding. She knew she couldn't keep dancing around the truth. She couldn't have both. She needed to make a decision.

Her phone buzzed again. It was Lee.

"We need to talk… about us."

Her stomach dropped. What was he going to say? What did that mean for them?

Mara's phone vibrated again. It was a call this time—Ev.

She hesitated for a moment, the weight of everything hanging in the air. She could ignore the call, keep going back and forth between the two of them, or she could answer, face the truth head-on.

With shaking hands, she accepted the call.

"Hey, Ev," she said, her voice trembling.

"Hey, Mara. I've been thinking… a lot. About us. I need to know if we're okay. Are you okay?"

His words hit her like a punch to the gut. She closed her eyes, feeling the tears threaten to spill. How was she supposed to answer him? How could she lie to him when she knew that part of her wasn't sure?

"I don't know, Ev," she whispered. "I don't know if I'm okay anymore."

There was a long pause before Ev spoke again, his voice soft.

"We'll figure it out. I just want you to be happy, Mara. You're everything to me."

The sincerity in his voice only made Mara feel worse. She couldn't hurt him. She couldn't break his heart, but the reality of her feelings for Lee weighed heavily on her. She was going to have to make a decision. And soon.