Episode 5: The Vampire and the Roastful Mirror

It was a slow afternoon. Felix was halfway through a sandwich when the bell above the door gave a weak jingle.

In swept a tall figure, wrapped in a long black cloak that trailed dramatically behind him. He moved like a shadow, elegant and brooding.

Felix didn't even look up. "Let me guess. Vampire?"

The figure huffed. "Obviously."

Zira leaned in from the back room. "Ooh, what gave it away? The cloak, the fangs, or the smell of expired perfume?"

The vampire glared at her. "This is vintage musk from the 1800s."

Felix snorted. "Yeah, smells like it died with you."

The vampire ignored him, flicking his cape over his shoulder (it got caught on the doorknob, and he spent a solid five seconds untangling it).

"I need a mirror," he declared. "One that shows my reflection."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "You sure? Most vampires seem pretty happy avoiding mirrors."

The vampire huffed. "It's not vanity. I just want to know if my hair looks good. Dramatic entrances require perfect hair."

Zira smirked. "What, you afraid your widow's peak isn't peaky enough?"

The vampire scowled. "Just make the mirror."

Felix sighed. "Alright. One custom, vampire-friendly mirror coming up."

---

One hour later…

Felix set the mirror on the counter. It was sleek, polished, and enchanted to break through vampiric non-reflection magic.

"Here you go. One mirror that'll show you what you look like."

The vampire stepped forward, brushing back his hair. He struck a regal pose and gazed into the glass.

For a moment, silence. Then the mirror spoke.

"Wow. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin."

Zira choked. Felix blinked. "Uh… that's not supposed to happen."

The vampire stared. "...What did it just say?"

The mirror shimmered.

"Y'know, I expected 'dark and mysterious,' but you're giving me 'undead tax auditor' vibes instead."

Zira fell off her chair. Felix bit his lip hard to hold back a laugh.

The vampire's eye twitched. "What... is wrong with this mirror?"

Felix scratched his head. "Looks like the enchantment picked up some… personality. Might've fused with a sarcasm rune by accident."

The mirror spoke again.

"Accident? You think this hair was an accident? This is centuries of effort — and a lot of bat guano conditioner."

The vampire's mouth dropped open. "I don't even use conditioner!"

Felix grinned. "Maybe you should. Mirror seems to disagree."

The vampire snarled. "This is unacceptable! I demand a refund!"

The mirror chimed in.

"A refund won't fix that receding hairline, Count Try-Hard."

Zira lost it entirely, wheezing on the floor. Felix leaned on the counter, shaking with laughter.

The vampire pointed furiously. "Fix this!"

Felix wiped his eyes. "Alright, alright, I'll fix it."

The mirror snorted.

"Sure. He'll fix it. Like he fixed that broom that's currently beating up his coat rack."

Felix's smile dropped. "...Wait, what?"

A loud crash echoed from the back room.

Zira gasped between laughs. "Oh my gods, the broom's escaped again."

The vampire groaned, yanking his cape free from the door again. "This shop is a disaster."

The mirror hummed smugly.

"Yeah, but at least it's not your wardrobe."

Felix watched the vampire storm out in a huff, his cape dramatically snagging one more time on the way out.

Zira, still breathless from laughter, leaned on the counter. "So... what's next?"

Felix grinned. "Whoever it is, I hope they have worse fashion sense than that guy."