Episode 6: The Knight and the Pacifist Sword

It was just before noon, and Felix was rearranging a shelf labeled "Totally Safe-ish Items" when the door slammed open so hard the bell flew off.

A knight stomped in, clanking loudly in full armor. His helmet plume looked like a feather duster that had given up on life.

"I require a sword!" he bellowed.

Felix didn't even flinch. "You and every other idiot with a shield. What kind of sword?"

The knight pounded his chest. "A blade worthy of Sir Reginald the Invincible! Unbreakable! Unstoppable! FEARS NOTHING!"

Zira peeked over the counter. "Bold of you to claim you're invincible while your knee guards are held together with duct tape."

Sir Reginald huffed. "It's battle tape!"

Felix rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. One unbreakable sword coming up."

---

An hour later…

Felix set a magnificent sword on the counter. It gleamed brightly, practically humming with magic.

"Here you go. Unbreakable. Sharp enough to cut a sneeze in half. Completely indestructible."

Sir Reginald picked it up with awe. He gave it a dramatic swing — narrowly missing a shelf full of "Potions That Probably Won't Kill You."

"Yes! A weapon worthy of legend!"

The sword suddenly vibrated and spoke.

"Hey, buddy, let's talk this through first."

The knight froze. "What?"

The sword sighed.

"Look, I get it. Big shiny armor, probably some personal quest to prove yourself. But… maybe we try non-violent solutions first?"

Felix blinked. "...It talks?"

The sword hummed thoughtfully.

"Yeah, talking's better than stabbing. Let's start with that."

Sir Reginald's eye twitched. "I ordered a sword, not a counselor!"

The sword continued.

"Come on, man. Haven't you tried diplomacy? What if that dragon just wants to talk about its feelings? Maybe it's having a bad week."

Zira fell behind the counter, wheezing.

The knight spluttered. "It's a dragon! It burned down a village!"

The sword sighed.

"Maybe the village started it. You don't know its side of the story."

Felix choked back a laugh. "Looks like you got yourself a pacifist sword."

Sir Reginald shook the sword violently. "Fight, you stupid blade!"

The sword groaned.

"Wow, okay. Real mature. Shake me harder, that'll solve everything."

Zira's voice was muffled between laughs. "I think — I think you broke the knight more than the sword!"

Sir Reginald slammed the sword onto the counter. "Fix this!"

Felix leaned on the counter, smirking. "Yeah, see, fixing a sword's personality? That's an advanced enchantment. Costs extra."

The sword snorted.

"Bet he can't afford it. Probably spent all his money on 'battle tape.'"

Sir Reginald turned red. "I am Sir Reginald the Invincible!"

The sword hummed smugly.

"Yeah? Well, I'm Sir Blade the Not Interested."

Felix lost it, doubling over in laughter.

The knight stomped toward the door, growling. "This isn't over!"

The sword chuckled.

"Cool. Maybe next time bring a better personality, champ."

The door slammed behind him, leaving Felix and Zira gasping for breath from laughing too hard.

Felix wiped his eyes. "Alright, I think that's my new favorite sword."

Zira grinned. "We should keep it on display. Call it The Sword of Passive Aggression."

Felix chuckled. "Bet we'll still get someone weirder next."