Episode 15: The Knight and the Overenthusiastic Sword

The door swung open with a bang! — and promptly split clean in half.

Felix and Zira blinked at the figure standing there: a heavily-armored knight, looking sheepishly at the two halves of the door now lying on the floor. In his hand, he held a longsword that shimmered unnaturally, almost vibrating with excitement.

"Uh… sorry about that," the knight mumbled. "Didn't mean to."

Felix sighed. "Let me guess — you need a repair?"

The knight winced. "Actually… I need a fix." He held up the sword, which let out a faint hum, almost like a dog wagging its tail.

"I'm Sir Garrick Ironshield, and this is my sword, Razorfang."

Felix nodded. "Alright, what's the problem?"

Sir Garrick glanced nervously at the weapon. "I asked the enchanter for a sword that could 'cut through anything.' And… well, it won't stop."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "Won't stop what?"

Garrick groaned. "It cuts everything. I tried to slice an apple — cut the table in half. Tried to shave — took off half my helmet. I sneezed while holding it, and now I owe the blacksmith a new anvil."

Felix glanced at Zira, who was barely holding in her laughter.

Zira smirked. "So basically, you've got a sword with boundary issues."

The sword vibrated harder in Garrick's hand, almost like it was wagging its invisible tail faster.

"C'MON, BOSS, FIND ME SOMETHING ELSE TO CUT! ANYTHING! LET'S GO! WOOOO!"

Felix blinked. "…Did it just talk?"

Garrick's eye twitched. "Yeah. It started doing that last week."

"LET ME SLICE! I'M READY! GIMME A ROCK, A TREE, YOUR ENEMIES — I'LL EVEN CUT THAT GUY'S HAIR IF YOU WANT!"

It vibrated so hard, Garrick's arm shook.

Felix stared at it, deadpan. "Well, at least it's motivated."

Garrick groaned. "Please, can you fix it? I just want a normal sword that cuts when I tell it to. Not a hyperactive kitchen knife on a caffeine high."

Felix nodded thoughtfully. "Alright, I think I can adjust the enchantment so it only activates on command."

The sword buzzed indignantly.

"WHAT?! NOOOO! YOU CAN'T LEASH ME, MAN! I'M BORN TO SLICE! I WANNA CARVE A NEW LEGACY OF CHAOS AND CLEAVAGE!"

Zira choked. "Did… did it just say 'cleavage'?"

Garrick looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him. "It meant 'cleaving things.' It mixes up words when it gets excited."

The sword practically vibrated out of his hand.

"YOU CAN'T TAME ME! I'M THE WIND! I'M THE STORM! I'M THE BLADE THAT GOES WHEEEEEEE!"

Felix sighed. "Yeah, alright. Let's fix this thing before it starts singing."

---

Thirty Minutes Later…

Felix presented the sword, now glowing with a more controlled, steady light.

"I tweaked the enchantment," he said proudly. "It'll only cut when you say the trigger word. It's now voice-activated."

Garrick raised an eyebrow. "Trigger word?"

Felix smirked. "Yeah. I made it something no knight would accidentally yell."

Garrick took the sword, examined it carefully, then asked, "What's the word?"

Felix grinned.

"Snickerdoodle."

Zira howled with laughter.

Garrick stared at him. "You can't be serious."

Felix shrugged. "Hey, you won't shout it by accident in battle. Unless you're fighting a very aggressive bakery."

Garrick sighed, defeated. He muttered, "…Snickerdoodle."

The sword instantly sprang to life.

"OH YEAH! LET'S SLIC— wait, what the hell kind of battle cry is that?! Are you serious, man? I'm a weapon of DESTRUCTION, not a dessert fork!"

Felix grinned wider. "Yeah, but now you listen, don't you?"

The sword groaned like a sulking teenager.

"Fine. You win. I'll behave. But only because I'm stuck with you, Snickerdoodle Knight."

Garrick stared at the sword, his dignity hanging by a thread. "…This is my life now."

Felix clapped him on the shoulder. "Look on the bright side. Nobody's gonna forget you. Sir Snickerdoodle."

Zira fell off her perch for the fourth time this week.