Episode 18: The Barbarian and the Unbreakable Axe

The shop door didn't swing open this time — it exploded off its hinges with a deafening BANG.

Felix barely ducked in time as a chunk of wood sailed past his head. Zira, brushing splinters off her hair, muttered, "Well. That's one way to enter."

Standing in the now very doorless doorway was a mountain of muscle wrapped in fur and leather. He was easily seven feet tall, with a beard so bushy it deserved its own zip code. His arms were thicker than Felix's torso, and his voice boomed like a war drum.

"I AM GRUDOK THE SKULL-SMASHER!"

Felix blinked. "…Congratulations?"

Grudok stomped in, shaking the floor. He slammed a massive axe onto the counter. The weapon's handle was wrapped in worn leather, and the blade was chipped and cracked, barely holding together.

"I need a new axe. A BIGGER axe. An axe that NEVER BREAKS."

Zira leaned over to Felix, smirking. "You think he wants an axe?"

Felix ignored her. He inspected the battered weapon. "Looks like you've been… busy."

Grudok grinned, showing far too many teeth. "Yes! I cleaved an ogre in half with it! Then his friend! Then his friend's cart! Then the cart's horse!"

Felix raised an eyebrow. "The horse?"

Grudok looked a little sheepish. "It looked at me funny."

Felix sighed. "Alright. I can make an unbreakable axe. Reinforced with dwarven runes, enchanted for durability. It'll never chip, rust, or dull."

Grudok's grin grew wider. "YES! Finally! No more puny weapons!"

---

An Hour Later…

Felix placed the finished axe on the counter. It gleamed ominously, the runes glowing faintly. The blade looked sharp enough to cut through reality itself.

Grudok's eyes sparkled. He reached out and grabbed the handle — and promptly fell over backward, the axe still stuck to the counter.

A loud THUD echoed through the shop.

Felix winced. "Ah. I see the problem."

Grudok groaned from the floor. "W-why… so heavy…?"

Felix rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, about that. To make it truly unbreakable, I had to reinforce it with… well, a lot of extra material. Adamantine core, layered runic steel, a touch of anti-shatter wards. It's technically unbreakable."

Zira leaned on the counter. "It's also technically immovable."

Grudok strained, his face turning red. He lifted with all his might, veins bulging. The axe wobbled a little.

"RRRRAAAAGH!"

With a roar of victory, Grudok managed to lift it — for half a second. Then his arms gave out, and the axe slammed back to the counter, creating a small crater.

The ground vibrated. A dusty ceiling beam creaked ominously.

Felix coughed. "Well, it works."

Grudok wheezed. "I… can't… lift it!"

Felix shrugged. "Hey, you said you wanted it unbreakable. You didn't say anything about it being practical."

Grudok stared at him, stunned. "…What am I supposed to do with this?!"

Zira smirked. "You could rent it out as a town landmark."

Felix nodded, thoughtful. "Or a boat anchor."

Grudok groaned, covering his face. "Can you fix it?"

Felix tapped his chin. "Well… I could rework the weight distribution. But that might compromise the unbreakable enchantment."

Grudok sighed, defeated. "Fine. Just… make it so I can actually swing it."

---

Thirty Minutes Later…

Felix handed the axe back. It looked the same — but this time, Grudok lifted it with ease. He gave an experimental swing, narrowly missing Zira (who didn't even flinch).

Grudok grinned. "YES! This is PERFECT!"

Felix grinned back. "Glad you like it."

Grudok slammed a pouch of gold on the counter, nodding his thanks. He turned to leave — and paused.

He glanced at the splintered remains of the door.

"…Uh. Sorry about that."

Felix sighed. "Don't worry about it. I'll add it to your bill."

Grudok laughed heartily and stomped out.

Zira stared at the doorless frame. "So. You gonna fix that?"

Felix smirked. "Nah. It's better this way. Now customers can't pretend they didn't see us."