Episode 19: The Noblewoman and the Overly Flattering Mirror

The door — or rather, the gaping hole where the door used to be — filled with a new silhouette. This one didn't kick the door in, explode it, or trip over it. It walked in gracefully, with the kind of practiced elegance that screamed "I'm richer than you, and I know it."

A woman stepped inside, her dress trailing behind her like she was on her way to a royal ball. Her hair was styled high, with a cluster of sparkling jewels that looked more expensive than Felix's entire shop. She gave the room a quick once-over, sneering like the shelves might infect her with poverty.

Felix sighed. Definitely a noble.

"Greetings, peasants," she said, her voice dripping with condescension. "I am Lady Verona de Whittlebrook von Gildersnatch the Third."

Zira leaned over to Felix, whispering, "Third? What happened to the first two?"

Felix whispered back, "Probably died of smugness."

Lady Verona continued, unaware — or more likely, uncaring. "I require a mirror. But not just any mirror. It must show my true, flawless beauty."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "You mean a normal mirror?"

She huffed. "Don't be ridiculous. Normal mirrors are biased. They show me as 'average,' which is clearly incorrect. I want a mirror that reflects how truly stunning I am — without the lies of bad lighting or unfortunate angles."

Zira muttered, "So… you want a mirror that lies to you?"

Lady Verona gasped, horrified. "Lies?! How dare you! It's not a lie if it's what I deserve!"

Felix sighed. "Right. One magically flattering mirror coming up."

---

Thirty Minutes Later…

Felix presented the finished mirror. It was an elegant, oval-shaped piece with a silver frame that shimmered faintly with enchantment.

"This mirror," Felix explained, "will reflect you at your absolute best. Perfect lighting, perfect angles, perfect everything — no matter what."

Lady Verona snatched it eagerly and stared into her reflection. Her eyes widened.

"Oh… my… gods…" she breathed. "I'm gorgeous."

Zira raised an eyebrow. "You already thought that when you walked in."

Lady Verona didn't even hear her. She was too busy admiring her now impossibly radiant, ethereal beauty. Her skin glowed like moonlight, her hair cascaded in perfect waves, and her eyes sparkled like twin sapphires. She looked like a goddess carved from divine arrogance.

"I must show this to everyone!" she declared, clutching the mirror like it was her firstborn child. She tossed a pouch of gold onto the counter without even looking. "You have done me a great service, commoners!"

She marched out of the shop, head high, waving the mirror like a royal decree.

Zira stared after her. "…This is gonna go wrong. I can feel it."

Felix shrugged. "Eh. Not our problem."

---

One Hour Later…

It became their problem.

The shop's doorframe (still broken) filled with the sound of screaming.

Lady Verona stormed back in, her hair a mess, dress torn, and one shoe missing. The mirror was still in her hands, but now it looked less like a prized possession and more like an accomplice to a crime.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" she shrieked.

Felix blinked. "Uh… what happened?"

"WHAT HAPPENED?! I'll TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!" she snapped, face red with rage. "I took this to the royal garden party! Everyone gasped when they saw me! I thought they were admiring my beauty, but noooo — they were staring at the mirror!"

Felix tilted his head. "That sounds like a compliment."

Lady Verona's eye twitched. "They didn't recognize me, you fool! They thought I was some goddess of beauty who descended from the heavens! The Duke of Farrington fainted into the punch bowl!"

Zira burst out laughing. "Wait — seriously? The Duke? He's like, 300 pounds! How big was the splash?"

"Enormous!" Lady Verona seethed. "They started worshipping me! One bard tried to write a ballad about my celestial radiance! A priest asked me to bless his children!"

Felix couldn't stop himself. "Well… at least you were finally appreciated?"

Lady Verona growled, voice low and dangerous. "You don't understand. The Queen ordered me arrested — for impersonating a goddess. They think I'm some kind of trickster spirit!"

Felix blinked. "…Technically, they're not wrong."

Lady Verona pointed an accusing finger. "Fix. It."

Felix sighed, rubbing his temples. "Alright, alright. I'll tone it down."

---

Ten Minutes Later…

Felix handed back the now-recalibrated mirror. "This one still flatters you — but, you know, more 'noblewoman beautiful' and less 'divine entity beautiful.'"

Lady Verona inspected her reflection. This time, the mirror showed her as elegant, radiant, but still recognizably human. She sighed in relief.

"This will do."

She turned to Felix, her tone icy. "You're lucky this works. If I get arrested again, I'll have you thrown in the stocks."

Felix grinned. "If that happens, make sure to bring the mirror. I'd love to look 'divinely radiant' while getting pelted with tomatoes."

Lady Verona let out a huff, tossed another coin pouch on the counter, and swept out dramatically — still holding the mirror like a royal scepter.

Zira shook her head, chuckling. "I give it a week before she comes back asking for something even more ridiculous."

Felix smirked. "Oh, definitely."