Episode 27: The Bard and the Overpowered Voice Charm

The shop door swung open — but instead of the usual creak, it slammed against the wall with a BANG loud enough to rattle the shelves.

A flamboyantly dressed man strutted in, wearing a feathered hat so large it looked like he fought an ostrich and won. His lute was slung over his back, and his grin was as wide as his ego.

"Greetings, humble purveyors of mystical wonders!" he boomed, voice echoing so powerfully that a glass bottle vibrated off the shelf and shattered.

Felix winced. "Holy hells, man. Indoor voice."

The bard flicked his cape dramatically. "I am Magnifico de Fortissimo! Bard of the Seven Taverns, Charmer of Countesses, and Master of the Stringed Serenade!"

Zira leaned in to Felix. "Seven taverns? Sounds more like he got kicked out of six."

Felix stifled a laugh. "What can we do for you, Magnifico?"

The bard flourished his hand. "I seek a charm to enhance my voice! Something to ensure my melodies reach every heart — from the lowliest peasant to the loftiest queen!"

Zira smirked. "That's a lot of hearts. Sure you don't just want to invest in a bigger lute?"

Magnifico huffed. "Instruments are but tools. It is the voice that stirs the soul! And mine shall be unstoppable."

Felix exchanged a glance with Zira. "Well… you asked for it."

---

Twenty Minutes Later…

Felix handed him a small, silver pendant shaped like a music note.

"There. Voice-enhancing charm. Just wear it, and you'll never be ignored again."

Magnifico snatched it eagerly. "Perfect! Now, behold — the ballad of 'Lady Eliza and the Misbehaving Minstrel!'"

He strummed his lute and sang the first note.

"LAAAAAA—"

The shop window shattered.

Zira ducked as a broom fell off the wall. Felix's hat blew off his head.

Magnifico's voice echoed so hard it vibrated the table, knocked over a rack of potions, and sent three pigeons outside screaming into the sky.

When the sound finally died down, the shop was covered in a thin layer of dust.

Magnifico blinked. "That… was powerful."

Felix coughed, waving away the dust. "Yeah, you think?"

Magnifico grinned wider. "Excellent! I must test it properly — on an audience worthy of my talent!" He spun on his heel, nearly knocking over Zira with his oversized hat, and stormed out.

---

Later That Evening...

Zira and Felix were enjoying a quiet moment when the windows vibrated.

"PEOPLE OF THE TOWN SQUARE! I, MAGNIFICO DE FORTISSIMO, SHALL GRANT YOU A PERFORMANCE FOR THE AGES!"

Felix groaned. "Oh no."

Zira grinned. "Oh yes."

From the square came the first note:

"OOOOOOHHHHH—"

The ground shook.

Birds exploded from rooftops. Dogs howled. A fruit cart overturned, launching apples into the air like catapult ammo.

"—LADY ELIZAAAAAAA!"

The town fountain collapsed. A chimney crumbled. Somewhere in the distance, an entire flock of sheep panicked and stampeded through a bakery.

Felix peeked out the window. "He's still going."

Zira snorted. "Look on the bright side — we'll probably get a client tomorrow asking for a noise-canceling charm."

---

The Next Morning…

The door burst open.

A very singed, smoke-covered Magnifico stumbled in, missing his hat, his lute reduced to a neck and two strings. His hair was sticking straight up, and his mustache looked like it had been set on fire.

He coughed weakly. "... I think… the charm… worked too well."

Felix leaned on the counter, barely holding in his laugh. "What gave it away? The collapsing clock tower or the part where you set off the mayor's fireworks early?"

Magnifico groaned. "Take it off me."

Zira leaned on the counter. "No refunds."

Magnifico whimpered and turned to leave.

Felix called after him. "Hey, on the bright side — you did reach every heart in town. Mostly by giving them all heart attacks."